blue moon (2)

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Just Another Day In The Life Of A One Armed Blogger ©

Fuck, the title is long enough for a post.

You know what I love about living in this house?
It’s 1 am and the tunes are cranked all the way up to 8 out of ten and the surround sound has everything in the house vibrating but they can’t hear me next door.
The walls are so thick they didn’t even hear me shooting at the rats with my gun in the basement.

Today in the mail I got myself another invitation for a wedding.
You should have seen the envelope it came in.
It was as big and thick as a DVD, for a second there my filthy, dirty, perverted mind got the better of me but after I opened the package I saw it wasn’t a DVD of “Abeer Does Bagged Dad”.

Opening the envelope I pulled out a fancy folder type envelope that had a buckle covered in rhinestones.
You open the buckle and the thing unfolds to and bottom exposing a folder type setup inside.

The folder was made of expensive cardboard with a silk ribbon simulating a belt going around the outside.
Lets just say this is a 20-dollar card and I know they sent out 250 of them.
Taking the card I go next door and my parents were trying to figure out how to break into their when I walked into the kitchen.

My cousin is getting married to a nice girl who comes from a well to do family.
Money is not an option in fact the wedding will cost about 150 grand.
If they are going to spend that kind of money I think they should give the guests each a car so we could honk the horn when they leave the reception.
Well, I just think if you are going all out might as well go all the way don’t you people think?

I mean come on; I don’t give a fuck how much money you have, why give your guests a 13-course dinner?
20% of them are kids who just wait for dessert and the old people make about another 20% who don’t eat much any more.
20% are fat people trying to loose weight and they don’t eat much.
20% are skinny people who don’t want to look like the fat people so they don’t eat much.
15% are the wedding party who barely fit in their wedding clothes and eating too much is impossible in their Armani prisons and what ever designer dresses the bridesmaids are wearing.
4% will get to drunk by the time the food arrives and won’t eat at all.
That leaves 1%, so I guess I’ll have to eat all the food. HA HA HA!!!!

Open bar, all you can drink and there isn’t anything missing from the bar and the reception is 6 blocks from my house. “Wink”
A rough estimate is 600 people. Could be more I am told.

As I read the invitation I noticed that they are getting married twice.
First in the Catholic Church and them they whole party will go to the Greek church and get married there.
My mother said that was stupid. After they finish in the Catholic Church they would be married so why bother going to the Greek Church.

I told her that after they get married in the Catholic Church they are going to city hall for a divorce before they go to the Greek Church to be married again just to get it out of the way now instead of seven years down the road.
She actually wants to go to both weddings and the divorce now to see what it’s like so it’s going to be a busy day that day.

To make matters worse my ex chose today to stop by with one of my daughters.
This is the EX that put me through hell to see my kids and then after I got my rights upheld she dropped off the face of the earth for 8 years when she changed her name and moved 4000 miles away.
Now she is back into our lives and stops by.
She saw the invitation and picked it up to read whom it was for and what it entailed.

The first thing she said was, “This must have cost a lot”.
The second thing she said” I haven’t been to a wedding in a long time”.
The third thing she said was, ”Are you taking us too”.

Ummmm ………………………………..No.

She’s not dumb.
She spent 17 years with me and knows what this is going to be like because she has accompanied me to some pretty extravagant events and this one we will be in the front next to the head table because my father is the head of his family and its his brothers youngest son whom is getting married.
Did I mention my ex loves her booze?
Well she used to I have only seen her since Christmas and nothing before that for eight years but one of the girls told me that when she drinks she goes berserk.
Tell me something I don’t know.

I do my best and pretend the last eight years never happened but seeing the mess my kids are in it’s not easy.
The oldest has a good job but she is an introvert and stays to herself.
She still won’t talk to me.
My youngest is shy, to shy and one of the reasons she dropped out of school which I am subtly trying to rectify.
I am doing my best not to push in and get them to back off.
It’s not really my style but eventually I will have to bite the bullet and read the riot act.

I grew up on the streets and I don’t want them to fall down that path.
My ex should know better to but her brain is fried I think and I am not saying that because of our history.
She let a kid decide if she wants to go to school and when the kid gets tossed out she blames the system.
I don’t think so.

On the arm and shoulder front, I have an appointment on Friday with my doctor so he could have a look at it.
He also made it clear he wants me to work on his computer while I am there.
Everyone wants something.

Last night I was pretty much forced to help my brother carry one of his soft drink machines into the back using one arm.
I told him I couldn’t even move my left arm but the alternative was to let my 80 year old father help him carry the 400 pound machine.
So I ended up strapping my side to my right arm and picked it up with my right side and when he let his side slip.
I was sooooooooooooo tempted to let the fucken thing go and turn him into a pancake.

It seems the only position I could keep my arm in so that it doesn’t hurt as much is straight up in the air which looks funny as I am walking down the street pointing at the sky.
Every person I pass always looks up to see if ET is going home.
This weekend I am off to Montreal for a wedding.I hope they play a lot of music from the 70 so I could camouflage my arm dilemma.

Have a nice day

Walker

22 comments:

BikerCandy said...

The invitations sound alot like my daughters...but we made them and they ended up costing about $1.00 each. She saw them online somewhere for about $7.00 each and we thought.."oh hell we can make that!" so we did. But it really sounds very similar to ours.

As for the food, we had fajitas and people were pretty happy with the food I think.

I sure hope your arm gets better soon. How are you going to swing from the chandeliers with a bum arm?

Walker said...

BikerCandy: I think the fact that you made your invitations makes them more special and more of a personal invitation than buying them.

I know the food is going to be to much.
We were invited to the engagement at the same venue and not even I who lovesd to eat could finish my food. After the 5 th course my mother was complaining about how much she was eating and almostfainted when they told her that the main course had not arrived yet lol

Blazngfyre said...

"First in the Catholic Church and them they whole party will go to the Greek church and get married there."

Greek church AFTER Catholic church?
Are they INTO torture????????

Jaysus .....

Just telling it like it is said...

The nerve of her...sorry..I have a problem with ex's that act badly especially when there are children involved...
I never did understand why people spent so much money on the wedding to entertain 600 people that can hardly remember their name a month later...I mean really when you can spend that money on a year long vaca...call it a honey moon and play around and pretend that your not really grown up...
coarse I pretent that I am not grown up anyway so I guess I have no point..thanks for stopping by and ummm have sum fun at the wedding!!!

nachtwache said...

We don't know anyone with that much $ to throw around, or at least they are discreet about being filthy rich. I don't understand why anyone would want such a gong show.
Take tupperware and freeze some :)
Have fun in Montreal, yeah, disco, our teen music.

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: I dojn't know or care. I am smoking a joint first LOL

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: I understnad why the system needs to protect kids and will defend them but when its done and said they helped her disappear.

Its a shame that kids get used in this matter but its happened and all i can do now is try and teach them what I can.

I think its a waste of money myself.
OK have a wedding throw a bbq but its become a contest now.
His brother had a HUGE wedding and the bride was a bridesmaid at that one and is pretty much out doing that wedding by two.

Thank you for stopping by :)

Walker said...

nachtwache: I know alot of people that do and I know alot of people who don't that go into debt so they could have a fabulous wedding.

I have been to many and have watched the evolution of this insanity.
One it used to be a 3 course meal and how you need a membership at weight watchers after you go to one.

mrhaney said...

LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE IN FOR A HELLUVA TIME AT THIS WEDDING. KNOWING YOU YOU COULD PROBABLY WEASEL YOUR WAY IN TO RECEIVING A CAR OF YOUR CHOICE.
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOUR BROTHER TO GET SOME ONE ELSE TO HELP HIM BUT I UNDERSTAND - FAMILY... THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT CAN BE EXPLAINED TO OTHER PEOPLE BY ONE WORD AND FAMILY IS ONE OF THEM. SOME TIMES I WOULD SHOW UP LATE FOR WORK AND MY FELLOW WORKERS WOULD SAY "WHAT IS THE PROBLEM, WHY WERE YOU LATE> I GAVE THEM ONE OF THOSE ONE WORD EXPLANATIONS THAT WORK EVERY TIME. I SAID, "KIDS." THEY JUST SHOOK THEIR HEADS AND WALKED OFF.
HAVE A GOOD ONE MY FRIEND. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
MRH.

Monogram Queen said...

You are way hotter than John Travolta even in his Saturday Night Fever days!

Good call not taking the ex to the free booze wedding!

Still hoping the shoulder can get on the mend for ya.

jyankee said...

Oh... have fun eating ALL the food that the others can't / don't have / want at the wedding! I haven't been to a wedding in eons... except for last year maybe..a colleague got married... Cuz I live way over here.. keeps me from having to go all that way just for a wedding..and with all the cousins I have... I'd be making a trip every week! Thank God for that wide blue expanse they call the Pacific Ocean.

Blazngfyre said...

Only one joint?

Hell, i'd need at least 3!

Gypsy said...

When I was engaged to an Italian we went to many of these extravagant affairs, mostly 21st's because we were young. Each one tried to outdo the one before and truck loads of food would get wasted and thrown away. Maybe you could alert the nearest homeless shelter that at midnight there will be a feast the likes of which they have never seen. What a frivolous waste!

I hope you enjoy yourself at the wedding this weekend. I loved STF and would pay good money to see you strut your stuff. Good luck at the Dr's on Friday. My first injection tomorrow and I'm being a big baby about it......

The Troll said...

A lot to digest in your posts. Methinks there is a certain sub-species of Drunk who ENJOYS mortifying their "dates" at weddings and such with their crass behavior.

Anonymous Boxer said...

bwahahah - I love the picture at the end.

I love going to big pricey weddings; I just wouldn't want to pay for it.

Take good care of your arm... and your kids.

(Hero)

Walker said...

mrhaney: I could try or then again I could hot wire one ;).
Friends you choose but family you;re stuck with especially kids LOL

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: Oh I love the way you fib you gorgious thing you.
That's why Maddie is so cute to, it's in the genes :D

Walker said...

jyankee: I will be eatuing my share for sure and we get to take pastries home with us as many as we could carry.
Maybe I throw in a couple of lobsters to.
A wedding once in a while is a fun party but when they come at a rate of 6-7 a year it gets expensive. I will be stuffing the envelope with 200 dollars and if i take a date it will double that.

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: Nope, one is enough and booze lots of booze LOL

Walker said...

Gypsy: I will have a blast becauseiw ill be hooking up with some people i haven't seen in over 20 years.
Some wedding can get huge when they try to outdo each other. Thats a good down ppayment on a house thats being wasted I think. Take everyone to McDs and pick up the bill i say LOL

Walker said...

The Troll: My SIL is that way. She goes and gets drunk them goes from table to table coplaining to people she doesn't know about my brother just to piss him off.

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer:The picture made me laugh to. Darth looks good in a John Travolta suit LOL

I like those first class parties too and I wouldn't fork out that much for one thats a fact.
I could find better use for that money that to throw it at a caterer.