blue moon (2)

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Why Me? Part 2 ©

It’s my mother calling to wake me up.
WTF, the appointment isn’t until 8:30am and it’s a ten minute drive from here.
Walker isn’t a morning person and that’s why he sleeps until noon.

I crawled out of bed and stumbled my way down the hall to the washroom.
As I passed Frick’s bedroom, yeah my cat has her own fucken bedroom, he looked up and almost had a stroke seeing me up this early but being Frick he just went back to sleep, little fucker.

After washing up I went into the back room to look at the plants and on my way out of the room I picked up the spray bottle I use on the plants and hosed down Frick as he slept on the bed while I passed his room then stretched out on my bed to air dry.

There was fuck all on TV besides election crap.
I don’t know why they bother.
Obama VS Clinton was a more exciting battle.
McCain is beating himself from the looks of it.

I stared at the clock until the phone rang at 7:30am to remind me we were going to the hospital again.
My mother is a phone junkie.
My father doesn’t now anyone’s number including his own and he’s had it for 48 years.

8am I walked out the back door and we were at the hospital by 8:10am and ten minutes later they were leading my mother into the area where they poke your butt with a three foot hose that’s about an inch thick with a built in camera so they could see what’s happening inside you.
Before the nurse left with my mother she said that she will be fine. I told her I know she will, she’s married to a Greek and grinned at her.
Then I ask the guy at the desk how long it will take and he said she should be done in an hour and a half.
That was perfect. I told my father to be back by 10am to pick us up.
With my mother now in their care I decided to take off and walk around the grounds and get some free vitamin D.
Fucken vitamins.

They have a nice park that goes all around the hospital with benches strategically placed for people to set and take a break.
Across the street from the hospital there is a farm the government has that sports a botanical garden and runs a farm so that city kids can learn how it used to be.

It must have taken me forty five minutes to walk all the way around the hospital before I found myself back at the front so I sat on one of the benches near a small garden dedicated to all the organ donors.
It was a beautiful day, the sun was high and hot but not as hot as the nurses that were outside having a smoke.
There was one with tits so big I am willing to bet she hasn’t seen the bottom of her body in years.

As I was sitting there trying to penetrate their clothes with my eyes a car driving around the parking lot looking for a spot blocked my view when he found one right in front of me.
The car stopped and the door opened and no sooner that it opens an old man steps out clutching his chest.
He’s on one knee with his body resting on the open door.

No No No, not now I thought to myself then got up and hobbled to him.
I asked him if he was ok, it was obvious that he wasn’t.
He said no.
I looked in the direction of the emergency entrance; it was about 100 yards across the parking lot and a street.
He couldn’t have just waited another ten minutes but NOOOOOOO, he had to drop his sorry butt here and now when I am in a rush to get back to my mother.

What do I do, should I run to the hospital I thought?
That goes to show you how much my brain knows the rest of my body.
I mean crawl to the hospital and get help maybe but he might be dead by the time I got there and back.
I could pick him up and carry him there myself but I will probably end up needing to go there myself by the time we reached the emergency.

I told him if he could stand I would help him to the hospital and grabbed his left arm with my good hand and helped pull him to his feet.
He was tense and hunched over still grasping his chest.
We started walking at a snails pace towards the hospital and got about half way across the parking lot before he went weird on me and dropped to the ground again.

I was beginning to get really worried.
“You fucken die on me old man, I am going to take your wallet and car then go to your house and fuck your wife and dog, now get up”.
He mumbled something.
“What, speak up”.
“ I don’t have a dog”.
Smart-ass, he might live yet.

He was in his sixties and looked like he couldn’t weigh more than 160 pounds so I bend down and told him that I was going to pick him up and carry him to the emergency room.
I have to remember how old I am sometimes, it’s not like I’m still twenty or thirty.

The second I went to pick him up I knew I can’t estimate a persons weight worth a damn but up he came and we both almost went the other way.
I might not of been here now if I went back a couple more inches and the headline news tomorrow would read, ”Man killed by falling dead man, Dead man survives”.
They should just leave wheel barrels or maybe a couple of shopping carts in the parking lot.

I get across the parking lot and was halfway across the street when a MORON flew around the corner and stopped just short of running the both of us over.
I looked at the driver through the windshield mad as hell and it was my father coming back to pick us up.
I tell him all the time his reflexes are NOT what they used to be and to slow down from a greater distance.

When I got to the sidewalk I was feeling wet and this god awful smell began to choke me.
It smelled horrible.

I get through the doors and call out that I needed help.
This young nurse couldn’t have been more than twenty looks at me and asks what the problem is.
How the fuck do I know, do I look like a doctor?
From the smell of him he’s either rotting from the inside out or something he ate is now eating him.

A older nurse who was sitting behind the counter ran around the corner and grabbed a wheelchair then pushed it to me to put him in.
You can tell who’s been working there the longest by reaction time.

As soon as I put him in the chair and stood back I saw that I was wet on the front of my t-shirt and the top of my pants and I smelled like an outhouse had backed up on me.
Fucken old man did his business on me.
I hope they save his ass so I can kick it later.
The nurse asked me for my name I said nothing but went into the washroom trying to outrun the smell emitting from my clothes.

I took off my t-shirt in the washroom and started washing the front of it in the sink with hand soap and hot water; I didn’t know how I was going to clean my pants.
Some guy walked out of a stall and looked at me washing my shirt then he said, “Nice tattoos”.


I was not in a good mood right then and it was still morning.
Technically I should STILL be sleeping.
My back was killing me and my arm; lets not talk about the fucken arm right now.
When I first bent down and picked him up I could feel 100 different sensations.

I have pretty much broken most of the bones in my body and at the age I am now they hurt more than they did when I broke them.
As I forced my way to the emergency they sort of faded away with the urgency of the situation but as soon as I put the old man down, fuck me.
Besides reeking like a shit pile, my left shoulder and lower back were killing me.

I used wet paper towels to try and wash my pants as best as I could then said fuck it and walked out the washroom.
I looked at the clock on the wall and in was 1020am, I was late and my mother would be waiting for me so I crossed the emergency reception without stopping to get assaulted with any more questions and out the electric doors I went.

I could see my father about a block away standing next to the car.
He must have seen me to because he jumped in it and locked the doors.
Like that’s going to help him, its almost eighty outside and he has no AC in the car.
He’s still going to get an earful as soon as we get home.
They make me feel like I am the parent and t hey are the fucken teenagers.
Next year he goes for his drivers test, he’s fucked if he doesn’t get his act together.

As I passed the car I gave him a dirty look and went in to go to see if my mother was ready.
As I walked down the hallway a woman’s voice came on and she was saying something about code blue I think, what ever that is and a bunch of hospital staff took off running through the doors they had taken my mother through then thirty seconds later a nurse went shooting by pushing a cart with machines on it past me and through the same doors.
This didn’t look good from where I stood.

To Be Continued………….

Have a nice day



Gypsy said...

Good grief your mother is ok isn't she? Of course she must be or you would tell us right away wouldn't you?

You remind me of a cool Maxwell matter where you go or what you do you are always in the centre of trouble. I hope the old guy survived after all you went through to get him inside.

Of course in ER George Clooney would be walking through the car park at just that precise moment and a gurney would have magically appeared from nowhere. You should have asked them for some scrubs to change into. Ooohhh Dr Walker....that would have got all those hot little nurses running. I can't believe you didn't think of that yourself.

Sidenote: I am well aware that George hasn't starred in ER for a very long time. I was using dramatic license.

Walker said...

Gypsy: Actually I am more like the origional Maxwell Smart I just keep getting into trouble LOL

You just like George Clooney ha ha ha
I don't know about the TV show but I do know they don't pay hospital staff enough for what they have to deal with in real life.
I wouldn't do it.

Jac said...

Man Oh Man !

Damn you man ! you take me to the edge and then you simply say "to be continued" and walk off with that evil smelling body...while I bite my nails till what is left is my thumb stub ?

Nic one walker !

Anonymous Boxer said...

Hero magnet.

Bring on the part 2!

Walker said...

Jac: Jac I would have been more than happy to post the whole thing but I might have been killed for posting s omething that long LOL

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: The only magnet I am is a shit/piss magnet.
The heros of that story and the next are the nurses and doctors at the emergency room and trauma units.

You can jump into a burning building dive into an ocean ..... and haul out an unconcious victim but if the medical staff doesn;t save his or her sorry ass then it was all for nothing.

We all are in that same possition sometimes when there is a situation where help is needed.
I'll leave it here before I blow the third part.

BikerCandy said...

Well, I'm waiting (not so) patiently for installment 3. I for one say go ahead and post it now. It's Friday right...give us a happy ending already!

Blazngfyre said...

Remind me to kick your stank-ass next time I'm up your way in Canada! (lol)

"To be continued ....."


You sure do know how to leave a girl wanting .....


Anonymous said...

Yep...way to leave us all dangling there Walker! I will be waiting.....! And seem to get all the exciting bits at the ER....too bad there wasn't really a George Clooney there.... or in Walker's case... Angelina Jolie???

Walker said...

BikerCandy: Geeeezzz ok ok wait, but I am posting Friday night.

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: if you're in my neck of the woods you just go ahead and do it :P

Walker said...

jyankee: Angelina in a nurses uniform WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!!

Monogram Queen said...

Well you are honestly the first person I know who can honestly say some "shit all over them". OMG