blue moon (2)

Friday, June 20, 2008

Don't Pinch Me ©

I have started writing 3 different posts and can’t finish any of them.
My arm and shoulder is giving me nothing but trouble.
My fingers are numb and I feel like I have been shot in the back so typing has become painful, especially when I am writing out a long ass rant.
Every time a sharp pain shoots through me my fingers type FUCK instinctively.
So I’ll just give myself a little break and rest on the weekend until I can call the doc on Monday.

The last time something like this happened the doctor said it was a pinched nerve and to swing circles over my head but I have no room to do that here without smashing something so I went out side and did it there but I was almost arrested by the vice squad because all the hookers thought I was waving them over and they all ran over at once just as the police were driving by.

Just imagine, you pinch I nerve in your shoulder and your finger go numb.
I wonder which one my family pinches to make me go crazy. FUCK
There has been a lot happening on that front that I could write 100 posts alone but it only makes me dizzy and mad so we will skip all of that.
You don’t want to hear about my SIL going to bars and getting drunk while my niece plays in the front of the patio alone and them I have to go drive her car back while my brother goes to get her and the kid.
Three times this month alone. FUCK

My customer came by to pick up his computer yesterday and to drop off two more to be repaired when he noticed my marionette stance then asked what was wrong.
I told him my left side has gone on vacation without me.
He said it was probably a pinched nerve.
What, everyone went to medical school?

He said he had the same problem and went to an acupuncturist and they fixed the problem.
Get real, they send in S.W.A.T. to subdue me for blood test and he thinks I will willingly lay there and let some guy use me for a dart board.
He said that he knows what he is doing and will put the needles in the right nerve endings . FUCK
Yeah, but what if he misses and I end up walking around with a permanent hard on and find myself getting stopped for shoplifting in every store I go into.

I can't afford to pay for a hooker let alone my own hardon.
Probably charge me sales tax too.

My friend’s wife went for acupuncture because her nipple twitched all the time and after he was done, the twitching stopped but now her left boob sags to the left.
I guess she should have told him about the implants before he stuck the needles in but on the bright side, she can now keep her left boob warmer tucked under her arm pit during the winter

So far I have done windmills with it and massaged my shoulder on my own.
I tried getting someone to do it but her boobs kept getting in the way of my hands so that was a bust.
Then I got a bright idea and went up stairs and got a giant vibrator that’s left from the box I bought from that shoplifter. FUCK
That, the rabbit and one that goes in both holes is all that’s left.
I had 18 in total but I have been shipping them off as gifts all over the world but no one wants the last two, I know I have three but the Rabbit glows in the dark and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and need a light to go to the washroom and if I drop it along the way I could hear it buzzing.
Besides I know someone who likes coming over to play with it. “Wink”.

The big one is the one I went to get.
I just turn it on and hold it against my shoulder and let the thing massage my shoulder.
Everything was going well until the doorbell rang and Mike came over.
He stood there staring at me wondering why there was a 12-inch vibrator duct tapped to my shoulder buzzing like a swarm of bees.
I told him it was strapped to my shoulder because my fingers were numb.
He just stared blankly at me.
HEY you do what you got to do, especially if it keeps me from being stabbed with more needles.

Yesterday I decided to go for a walk and stretch my legs and see if I would spin my arm around fast enough to lift off like a helicopter but all I managed to do it look like an idiot knocking over garbage cans along the sidewalk.
I made my way up to Archie’s place and sat around there for awhile when someone came to tell us there was a BBQ ribs contest in the market and there were people from all over the world competing. FUCK

The minute Arch heard food he said we were going to go buy some ribs.
Just them Rick walked by from work and heard that we were going to get ribs and wanted to come alone.
We got another friend to drop us off and when we got there, there must have been 10,000 lined up at all the stalls buying up ribs at twenty bucks a rack.

The boys decided that I should be the one to stand in line because one is to fat to stand and has wobbly knees and the other just finished a hard days work.
Fine, I went and stood behind 500 people and crawled towards the counter.

It took almost an hour for me to get to the counter and along the way everyone was being assaulted by beggars, and people looking for donations to various charities throughout the city.
Everyone was being hit on but me that is.
Strangest thing you ever saw.
They would walk up, give me a funny look and move off quickly which was fine with me.

I finally got to the counter and there was this chick with nice big round tits wearing a white T-shirt covered in BBQ sauce. FUCK
They looked appetizing to me.

I told her she had BBQ sauce all over her shirt, she look at her shirt then looked at me and said I had a vibrator duct tapped to my shoulder.

Have a nice weekend

Walker

32 comments:

Luka said...

Oh, you have my sympathies. I have a pinched nerve in my back - sciatica - so I know how maddening it is to suffer that transferred pain!

The answer is painkillers and lashings of alcohol. And maybe physio. But mainly the drugs and booze.

Walker said...

Luka: I know how to do booze and drugs :D

I can grit my teeth and bare it but its been ten dats of gritting my teeth, soon I wiol be spitting out enamel lol

Dotm said...

OH Walker, I sympathise with you. That`s what my MRI showed- tendonitis in the right shoulder due to a pinched nerve from my fall last Nov.. Dr told me since it has lasted this long, I need an op to get rid of the pain. I just have so much else to get done first before I let them do the op. if I can handle the pain that long. Want to get the sleep apnea handled first as that is getting worse even with the machine.
Hope you can find relief without having an op to cure the pinched nerve. It sure gets painful- from the shoulder to the wrist and fingers, plus up in the neck. Good luck.

Weary Hag said...

Poor Walker! I hope you get it all sorted out soon. I chuckled at the 'breast implant/accupuncture' story. lol

Buttt... not laughing much at your pain and tingling.

Get it taken care of - you don't wanna mess with a pinched nerve or whatever else it could be.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Nerves and the pinching of nerves are HORRIBLE and honestly I would let them poke needles in me if it meant some relief.

I was laughing at the breast "problem" too.... but as Weary Hag says....

Take care of it. Take care of it.

p.s. accupunture works. :-)

Walker said...

Dot: I hope I don;t need an operation to fix it either.
The pain is maddening more than painful. Its the cosntant stabing and electric shoke going through my elbow and the needles in the finger, whats with that?

I hope it goes away before I fly away with all these windmills i am doing

Walker said...

Weary Hag: If I don't try to make myself laugh it hurts more I'm just happy I can get someone to laugh at my pain with me :)

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: If I don't have a choice I might be willing to give it a go but only as a last resort.
What I realy need is a clone for a whole body swap but up the twenty year old me ;)

Michael Manning said...

I'm tempted to use that line by Bogart impersonator Jerry Lacy in Woody Allen's "Play It Again Sam". ..."Nothing a little bourbon and soda can't fix". But I'd try the acupuncture!

Walker said...

Michael Manning: What do you need the soda for?
Must be to wash the glass after you hammer it back LOL

Teresa said...

I am with you, no way in hell some person is sticking needles in me. Booze is a better option.

muse said...

Ahhh, the twitching nipple syndrome-I had that but I thought it was over stimulated...ha,ha.

JYankee said...

i feel for ya...that must NOT be fun... but i do like your way of telling it!

Bollinger Byrd said...

great stuff.. for someone who can't type you managed a few lines then!
as well as swinging your arm try hunching your shoulders up to your neck and releasing slowly whilst breathing out.... will it do any good , probably not but it will stop you having panic attacks just in case you fancied one of them too.
bbx

Walker said...

Teresa: I like your attitude. Numb the pain while having fun. To bad you won't remember the next day though lol

Walker said...

muse: That's because you're so hot you haveto roll them all the time to relieve the pressure of spontanious combustion :D

Walker said...

JYankee: Its a nuisence. The pain I can suck up, I'm used to it but the constant pins and needles in my arm and hand is what drives me mad

Walker said...

Bollinger Byrd: OOh don;t get me started n panic attacks.
I get the all the time and the first one i ever had i thought it was a freaking heart attack.
I have learnedto deal with those and how to releive the pressure and dizzy ness i ge from them. I wish it would be the same way with my are.

Blazngfyre said...

I was told to try accupuncture for my labrynthitis ....
I think NOT.

Now, about that rabbit .....
(I killed mine not too long ago :D )

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: OMG THE RABBIT DIED !!!!!!!!!! lol

This one has some pearls that turn around the body in one direction while the tip rotates in the other while the rest of it vibrates like rabbit in heat.

I am just happy be dick doesn't have to twist and turn in that many directions lol

Puss-in-Boots said...

Oh Walker, I just needed that to brighten up my day...I don't mean your pain...I can really sympathise. But the way you wrote about the whole thing had me in stitches, and imagine the picture the thing with the vibrator conjured up...you did me good, thank you.

On the other hand, I hope you get your problem sorted out real quick. I reckon a massage (in the appropriate area of course) would be the thing. Something to think about anyway.

Hope it all resolves for you soon.

Monogram Queen said...

I really really hope you get to feeling better quickly.
Only you can make such misery funny Walker, only you! Hugs my friend and hey i'd take either one of those "toys" hehe.....

Jac said...

I am laughiing like a holy shit man.

BikerCandy said...

I think I have one of those rabbits with the pearls you are talking about. At least I used to.

I am just picturing you standing around with a vibrator duct taped to your shoulder. :)

nachtwache said...

That's not a bad idea, using a vibrator to massage your aching shoulder.
Tingling and numbness in your fingers is also a symptom of carpal tunnel, which you can get from lots of typing. Have it checked.
I had it and got the operation. I used to wear braces at night to avoid bending my wrists.
And painkillers.

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: I am happy you got a chuckle of of m pain. Its the best painkiller for me making others laugh :)

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: I do to :)
I have to channel that pain energy somewhere and what best way to use it to mkle someone else have a giggle even if its at my expense.

Walker said...

Jac: I am happy you're happy but i am not paying your cleaning bills LOL

Walker said...

BikerCandy: Using duct tape probably saved my right arm from the same fate besides my Dick might have gotten jeolous if it held the vibrator for to long LOL

Walker said...

nachtwache: I know I know, I am trying not to think of that too.
Iam just happy its not a heart attack.

If it vibrates then I could use it. Its not like i have a personaly use for it other than that LOL

Gypsy said...

Why isn't that rabbit winging its way to Australia????

Touche to the chick with bbq sauce on her tshirt. Good comeback about the vibrator.

Now on a serious note, I hear you on the numb fingers and pins and needles Walker. I haven't felt much in either of my hands for 3 months and am still typing with 2 fingers which sucks big time. Hope you find some answers soon my friend.

Walker said...

Gypsy: YOu don't a rabbit when you have kangaroos there LOL

I hope your hands get better and the new medication helps you.
Its hard having to adjust to this type of change.