blue moon (2)

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Hot Chocolate ©

MMMMMMM, who loves chocolate, come on raise your hand?

Ok, now who loves gourmet chocolate?
You know, the chocolate we look at but won’t pay 40 dollars a pound for?
I know I do but I can’t afford it so I stick to the corner store variety.

The other day I was out running some errands, actually it was more like hobbling around.
I seem to have messed up my left shoulder, yet again and I tend to drift off into traffic on that side while I walk along the sidewalk because of the added weight to that side because of my slouching I guess.
Anyhow I had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up a couple of things and then off to the hardware store for some washers for a project I am working on.

As I was walking around the pharmacy looking for what I needed I spotted a guy in his mid fifties of Middle Eastern descent walking around the place also, which is no big deal.
He was wearing new clothes, jeans and a golf shirt and also sporting a leather carry bag like a backpack.
As I slipped through the aisles taking in everything as I always do, it’s a habit from my illicit days where I always had to make sure I wasn’t in any danger of getting caught or jumped, I spotted him standing in front of the chocolate display looking at the various chocolates.
Then he picked one up and as cool as a cucumber he dropped the box of chocolates from the display into his leather bag.
He didn’t even look if anyone was watching.

I’m a terrible thief; I just can’t do it.
I could broker and major drug deal without breaking a sweat, been there done that.
Walk into a police station and bail out a friend while wanted by the police, been there, done that.
But shop lift, nah, if I stuck it in my pocket I’d pay for it at the cash before I walked out.
One time I got into a police evidence room as a cleaner after hours and took the cash from a secure area but instead of trying to take the money I hid it and left.
I suck at stealing.

As I made my way around the store I watched the guy slip in and out of the aisles probably filling his bag with what ever he could while all the Barbies who worked there were in the cosmetic section using up the testers.

After I gotten what I needed I went to the cash to pay for I had gone there for and as the cashier was getting my change I saw the guy walking towards the exit.
I took my change from the girl and quickly followed the guy out the door.
With each step that I took my brain was working like it used to 20 years ago whipping up a plan in my head.
As soon as we both reached the sidewalk I came up behind him and grabbed him by the right arm and told him to stop.

He turned and asked me what the problem was.
I told him that I saw him take the box of chocolates from the rack and I was going to have to take him back in to call the police.
I could see his face go pale even with my sunglasses on.
This was the critical part of the whole plan where the next move was his.
If he had the balls he would have lashed out at me and tried to get away but I was prepared for that.
It’s the reason I had him by the right arm guessing that he was right handed but just in case I was prepared to stab him with the tube of toothpaste I gad just bought or maybe use the floss as a garret to strangle him with.
Or if he were a snivelling little wimp, he would come up with some lame stupid excuse, at which time I would have to become a complete moron and pretend to believe him.

He asked me what I was talking about and I told him that I saw him put the box of chocolates in his bag.
He wet his lips while he was deciding what his next move would be.
I asked him to open his bag and he swung it down from his shoulder then opened the top of it and there were the chocolates sitting at the top.
He then smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand and said he was stupid.
He was thinking of buying the chocolates and he put them in his bag but forgot about them as he was walking around the store.

Uh huh

I told him that in the eyes of the law he was shoplifting and I would have to take him in.
He protested saying that it was all a mistake and pulled out the chocolates then handed them to me saying I could take them back.
That’s when I told him I couldn’t do that, laws had been broken and someone had to pay for the crime.
I could see him getting really worried and began to beg to be given another chance because it was only a mistake and he didn’t mean to steal the chocolates.

Standing there for a few seconds, it felt like and eternity, I then told him that I believed him but I better not find out I had made a mistake in letting him go.
He apologized about 20 times in 60 seconds then passed me the box of chocolates before he took off like a rabbit down the street.

I looked at the box, it said 300 grams and they were 22 bucks.
They must be good.
I tossed the box in my bag and wander down the street towards home; I guess Walker is getting chocolates for Father’s Day after all.

Now you would think that this would be the end of the story wouldn’t you?
Well life isn’t that simple is it and after all this is Walker’s life we are dealing with here aren’t we?

On the way home I went by the grocery store and after started making my way towards Archie’s place.
It had been a couple of weeks since I stopped in and I wanted to see if her had gotten any bigger in that time HA, HA, HA

Weighed down with bags I made my way to his place and climbed the 8 steps to his back door where they, the boys always sit.
As I walked into the kitchen Archie said “Hi” to me and after returning the gesture I went to sit down in the chair across from him but Arch asked me to sit in the other one because someone was sitting there but was in the washroom.
I didn’t mind so I sat in the other chair and asked him what he had been up to since last time we saw each other.
As he was talking I looked around the room and then onto the floor and a leather bag that was sitting there.
Just then the washroom door opened and out walked the same guy from the pharmacy.

He took his seat and Archie introduced us and he said hi to me.
I said hi and nothing else, I just sat there waiting for it all to click in.
Then Archie asked if I wanted some maple syrup. Buddy there he said had some very good syrup for half price.

I bet he just did, I told Arch, no I already had plenty at home.
Then he asked me if I wanted some candles, he knows I burn a lot of candles or incense but again I told him that I had plenty at home.
The guy said they were good candles but I still told him I had lots at home, which I do.
I must have at least 20 large candles.
He then asked me if we had ever met before and I told him that I did notice he looked a little familiar.

Having rested enough to take the final leg back home I got up and thanked Arch for the glass of water.
He did offer beer but I have cut back on drinking to almost none lately.
I rather just have a glass of wine and a joint and just lay back.
As I walked to the door the guy asked me if I would be interested in some chocolates and took about 5 large bars from his bag to show me.
I slipped my sunglasses on looked straight at him and told him that I just picked some up and didn’t need any more.
The second he saw me with the sunglasses on I thought he was going to shit his pants.

The phone was ringing as I walked into my place and when I answered it, it was Archie on the other end laughing uncontrollably.
I guess he heard the story.

So it seems I will have chocolate for Father’s Day for a change
I want to wish all the Fathers a Happy Fathers Day and to all the single mothers, aunts and uncles who step up to the plate to fill in a gap the same.

Have a nice weekend and Father’s Day



Gypsy said...

Oh Walker, it's good to see you haven't lost your touch after all these years on the straight and narrow path. Now tell me...about those chocolates you sent me for paid for them right? Haha. Oh and one more thing that made me chuckle. Just how does a Middle Eastern person turn pale? LMAO.....

I hope you have a wonderful Father's Day. Ours isn't until September yet our Mother's Days are on the same day. weird huh?

Walker said...

Gypsy: You catch him with chocolates in his bag LOL

I figured what could happen.
They guy stole the chocolates so might as well see if I could get him to part with them using his fear against him.

Funny thing is that I did get the chocolates I sent you from the same place but I paid for them :)

Luka said...

Heh - you are one in a million. It could really only happen to you. :)

Happy Father's Day, Walker.

(Can I put my hand down yet?)

Weary Hag said...

Cute story, W. Heyyy... you have a happy father's day sweet stuff. Enjoy in some way ...

Walker said...

Luka: Shoplifting is something I have noticed alot while out looking for stuff but you know how it is.
Chocolate drives people MAD and when I saw an opertunity to get some for free I had to try LOL

Walker said...

Weary Hag: Thank you, I will try but I see myself just getting some rest today, busy day tomorrow.

nachtwache said...

Happy Father's Day! My hands are up!
Loooove chocolate.
You're a riot! :D

Blazngfyre said...

Jaysus Walker ... you damn near made me wet myself! LOL
I swear I could see the look on Buddy's face when the light of recognition finally clicked on!

"MMMMMMM, who loves chocolate, come on raise your hand?"
DOes a fat puppy hate a fast car???


Walker said...

nachtwache: I love chocolate to. In fact I do my best to eat as much as I can LOL

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: You should have seem MY fgace when i recognized him when he walked out of the washroom.
I am just luck all us Canadians look the same to him LMAO

Brian said...

Hehe. Walker, you have chutzpah in spades. That is a great story.

Happy Father's Day!

Walker said...

Brian: Normally I would have ignored something like that but I was in the right mood and after assessing who I was dealing wth I figured the worse that could happen would be him making a run for it.
So it was no sweat so, might as well have a litle fun, it's what makes life a little interesting.

Anonymous Boxer said...

bwaahahahaha - you are quite the magnet, aren't you?

I loved this story even if it ended with you putting them in your bag and walking home.

Happy Father's Day - you continue to be my hero.

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: I'm not really a magnet,it's all around us.
I just like to poke it with a stick LOL

Aw Thank you :)

Peter said...

You might have frightened someone away from a life of crime Walker... but I think not by the list of other "bargains' he had on offer.

Michael Manning said...

Sorry, Walker. When you mentioned the Barbie's at the cosmetic counter I lost my train of thought! :D)

Teresa said...

You have the most interesting life and are the best story teller. Hope the chocolate was awesome.

Thank you for your nice comments on my blog. I appreciate you thinking of me.


BikerCandy said...

What are the odds? I mean seriously? I can't believe the guy was a friend of Archie's. That is absolutely hilarious! Very funny story as always!

Walker said...

Peter: I couldn;t frighten him away from tha life.
Most people shoplift to suppliment their wefare until they get caught that is then the province provides themw ith what they need for as long as they are locked up.

Walker said...

Michael Manning: I wouyld have to but chocolate motivates me more than Barbie LOL

Walker said...

Teresa: The chocolate was fantastic. Once i put one piece in my mouth I couldt stop eating them.
There were three kinds in the box.

Walker said...

BikerCandy: Actually the odds were good because there are only a handful of people downtown who buy this stuff and Arch is not one to let a good deal on chocolate and maple syrop go buy LOL

Lindy said...

Hilarious story, Walker. What a small world, heh? As always, only you. Happy Belated Fathers Day.

Walker said...

Lindy: In my small world of friends, many of which are in a life of crime or have had ties to it, it's not surprising that this happened.
I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often LOL

Anonymous said...

R u serious Walker???? OMG what a funny story.... and I'm with does a Middle Eastern man go pale? Ha ha ha ah..only in Walker's world eh?

Walker said...

JYankee: Yes I am serious and when the blood drains from your face because you get caught with your hand in the cookie jar you turn pale and if you eat a box of chocolates all at once like i did, you turn green LOL

Blogget Jones said...

Oh what a perfect story! Love it, love it! Oh what I wouldn't give to have seen his face when you put on those sunglasses....

Fantastic! Thanks!

:o) BJ

Walker said...

Blogget Jones: You would have loved my face when i saw him walk out of the washroom LOL

Life is a comedy you just got to run fast to keep ahead of the clowns LMAO