How Smart Are You? ©

Monkey see
Monkey do
Kiss my bum
Even if it’s smells like poo

Now what can you say to that?
It’s something I heard last week from a first grader.
When I went to school it was “Jack and Jill went up the Hill to fetch a pail of water” or “Row, Row, Row, your boat gently down the stream” but they stopped that when it was deemed socially improper because it didn’t reflect today’s society especially with today’s ethnic and sexual equality rights.
The politically correct versions, “Ahmed and Juanita the transvestite ran to the candy store to fetch a box of condoms” or “ Go, Go, Go, you dirty old Ho, shake your booty down the road”, didn’t catch on so they scrapped that to so now kids make their own nursery rhymes.

I was at my mother the other day and while sitting there watching the Greek channel with them a show came on that I have seen before but on American TV.
In the States it’s call “Are you smarter than a fifth grader” hosted by Jeff Foxworthy.
I think it’s a great show that challenges contestants with questions that are taught to kids between grades one through to the fifth grade.
For help they get to have life lines by asking some fifth graders who are on the show aswell.

I’d be a horrible contestant.
I don’t know about you people but when I went to elementary school my favourite period was recess followed closely by gym class and the art class.
I never paid attention to the rest of the classes until I went to high school.

The only reason I learned more in High School was because there weren’t any girls there because it was a trade school.
Well that’s not entirely true, there were about ten girls among the eleven hundred guys but they looked like linebackers for the Green Bay Packers.

In elementary school I had my hands full with the girls, especially if they liked you.
From a young age, I learned that females would be the end of me.

In grade one little Wendy walked up to me in the hallway and said “You are my boyfriend now”.
Then she reached down and grabbed me by the balls then yanked at them and said “These are mine now”.
I wonder what the fuck she was seeing at home?
My parents had to take me to the doctor because I started peeing blood and I got so scared I had to tell my parents what happened.

In the second grade, Effie, a forth grader kissed me on the lips while we were standing on the sidewalk.
I turned, stepped onto the street and got run over.
Spent two fucken years learning how to walk properly again.

In the third grade, Anna broke my arm because I was to scared to touch her boob.
Now when a female says touch these, I comply without question.

In the forth grade, Philomena broke my foot when she stomped on it because I was paying attention to Maria.
Maria gave me a black eye because Philomena liked me too.

In the fifth grade, Nick broke my shine because I wasn’t gay.

So you see I didn’t have much time to learn in elementary school, I was in the hospital a lot.

Oh and if you are ever in a body cast, never eat beans.
I mean NEVER, eat beans.
Just trust me on this.

As you can see I would be useless trying to be smarter than a fifth grader especially if all the questions were meant for them.

Tonight I was sitting on the couch flipping channels when I landed on a channel and there was a new game show on.
It was called “Are you smarter than a Canadian fifth grader”.
Gezz, does everyone have to copy shows?
You would think they could get a little creative and have a show called. “Who’s smarter than a politician”?
Everyone, until election day.

It’s fun to watch the different questions being asked from the different countries to.

On the Greek version the contestant chose grade one farming.
His question was, how many goats do you have to milk for a kilo of cheese?
24 goats, 500 grams of milk from each to get 12 kilos of milk that is required to make one kilo of cheese.

The American version, how many oranges do you need to squeeze if it takes two dozen oranges to fill one jug with juice?
24, 12 oranges in each dozen times 2

The Canadian version, how many Newfies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
24, one to hold the light bulb and 23 to turn the trailer.

See, similar but different.

The funniest and scariest part of the whole show, no matter which country you are watching, is that the kids are smarter than the adults.

The contestant on the Canadian show was asked where the most southern part of Canada was?
Pah, easy one.
Florida.

The contestant didn’t know and opted to take the money instead of using the option of peeking at the kids answer because he would have to use that answer and loose the 300 grand so he opted out.
The kid knew and it wasn’t Florida, it was Peele Island Ontario.
Where the fuck is that?
Let me go check.

Hmmm it says it’s only a couple of hours from my place and it’s supposed to have the same climate as Northern California.
Fuck, if it’s this cold in California it’s no wonder the Quebecois go to Florida.

You know, maybe we should let the fifth graders run the world; they seem to be smarter than the adults running it now.
Adults get dumber and stupider as they learn more and get older.

What will they think of next for us to watch?

Have a nice day

Walker