blue moon (2)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

How Smart Are You? ©

Monkey see
Monkey do
Kiss my bum
Even if it’s smells like poo

Now what can you say to that?
It’s something I heard last week from a first grader.
When I went to school it was “Jack and Jill went up the Hill to fetch a pail of water” or “Row, Row, Row, your boat gently down the stream” but they stopped that when it was deemed socially improper because it didn’t reflect today’s society especially with today’s ethnic and sexual equality rights.
The politically correct versions, “Ahmed and Juanita the transvestite ran to the candy store to fetch a box of condoms” or “ Go, Go, Go, you dirty old Ho, shake your booty down the road”, didn’t catch on so they scrapped that to so now kids make their own nursery rhymes.

I was at my mother the other day and while sitting there watching the Greek channel with them a show came on that I have seen before but on American TV.
In the States it’s call “Are you smarter than a fifth grader” hosted by Jeff Foxworthy.
I think it’s a great show that challenges contestants with questions that are taught to kids between grades one through to the fifth grade.
For help they get to have life lines by asking some fifth graders who are on the show aswell.

I’d be a horrible contestant.
I don’t know about you people but when I went to elementary school my favourite period was recess followed closely by gym class and the art class.
I never paid attention to the rest of the classes until I went to high school.

The only reason I learned more in High School was because there weren’t any girls there because it was a trade school.
Well that’s not entirely true, there were about ten girls among the eleven hundred guys but they looked like linebackers for the Green Bay Packers.

In elementary school I had my hands full with the girls, especially if they liked you.
From a young age, I learned that females would be the end of me.

In grade one little Wendy walked up to me in the hallway and said “You are my boyfriend now”.
Then she reached down and grabbed me by the balls then yanked at them and said “These are mine now”.
I wonder what the fuck she was seeing at home?
My parents had to take me to the doctor because I started peeing blood and I got so scared I had to tell my parents what happened.

In the second grade, Effie, a forth grader kissed me on the lips while we were standing on the sidewalk.
I turned, stepped onto the street and got run over.
Spent two fucken years learning how to walk properly again.

In the third grade, Anna broke my arm because I was to scared to touch her boob.
Now when a female says touch these, I comply without question.

In the forth grade, Philomena broke my foot when she stomped on it because I was paying attention to Maria.
Maria gave me a black eye because Philomena liked me too.

In the fifth grade, Nick broke my shine because I wasn’t gay.

So you see I didn’t have much time to learn in elementary school, I was in the hospital a lot.

Oh and if you are ever in a body cast, never eat beans.
I mean NEVER, eat beans.
Just trust me on this.

As you can see I would be useless trying to be smarter than a fifth grader especially if all the questions were meant for them.

Tonight I was sitting on the couch flipping channels when I landed on a channel and there was a new game show on.
It was called “Are you smarter than a Canadian fifth grader”.
Gezz, does everyone have to copy shows?
You would think they could get a little creative and have a show called. “Who’s smarter than a politician”?
Everyone, until election day.

It’s fun to watch the different questions being asked from the different countries to.

On the Greek version the contestant chose grade one farming.
His question was, how many goats do you have to milk for a kilo of cheese?
24 goats, 500 grams of milk from each to get 12 kilos of milk that is required to make one kilo of cheese.

The American version, how many oranges do you need to squeeze if it takes two dozen oranges to fill one jug with juice?
24, 12 oranges in each dozen times 2

The Canadian version, how many Newfies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
24, one to hold the light bulb and 23 to turn the trailer.

See, similar but different.

The funniest and scariest part of the whole show, no matter which country you are watching, is that the kids are smarter than the adults.

The contestant on the Canadian show was asked where the most southern part of Canada was?
Pah, easy one.

The contestant didn’t know and opted to take the money instead of using the option of peeking at the kids answer because he would have to use that answer and loose the 300 grand so he opted out.
The kid knew and it wasn’t Florida, it was Peele Island Ontario.
Where the fuck is that?
Let me go check.

Hmmm it says it’s only a couple of hours from my place and it’s supposed to have the same climate as Northern California.
Fuck, if it’s this cold in California it’s no wonder the Quebecois go to Florida.

You know, maybe we should let the fifth graders run the world; they seem to be smarter than the adults running it now.
Adults get dumber and stupider as they learn more and get older.

What will they think of next for us to watch?

Have a nice day



Bollinger Byrd said...

Ah yes young men with broken bones.... I remember it well from being a student nurse. They were so much more fun to bed bath than the old ducks with broken legs.

The Troll said...

Why do Newfies serve luke-warm cocktails?

The guy who knew the recipe for ice died.


Walker said...

Bollinger Byrd: I bet they were LOL

Walker said...

The Troll: HA HA HA
There is never a shortage of Newfie jokes. But in all truth they are a bunch on nice people they just live to far to smack us in the head for the jokes LOL

Anonymous said...

LOL...that is true and I have seen some of those. If they made one of those shows here in JP...we'd all be goners! (the adults that is....)

Peter said...

We have that show in Australia too Walker,Geez those fucken 5th graders are smart!!!!!

Walker said...

JYankee: We are already gonner, we just don't know it.
Makes you wonder what kids are really thinking when they are batting their eyes and smiling at you lol

Walker said...

Peter: No kidding, some of the questions they answer i don;t recall hearing when i was laying back in a coma during class lol

Monogram Queen said...

Walker my friend,you have had an early start with rough women haven't you! I can't get over little Wendy grabbing your balls. What WAS she seeing at home or elsewhere? Holy smokes I still thought the stork brought babies til' I was like 12 LOL

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: Love hurts in may ways and places LOL

Blazngfyre said...

Jaysus Walker!
It's a wonder you want ANYTHING to do with the females!

Anonymous Boxer said...

the bean comment made me spit my coffee out. My brother was in a full body cast at the same age....

... and I know EXACTLY what you mean.


Gypsy said...

Like Peter already said, we have that show here now but I've never watched it. I have enough of kids (mine) putting one over adults (me) in my own life...haha.

The latest show they've just put on tv...the Battle of the Choirs...whatever next?

gab said...

Monkey see Monkey do Monkey monkey I love you! Thats what I said to a couple of girls I babysat for and later I became their aunt.
I watched that Are you smarter than a fifth grader and almost all the questions from the first grade Im like unnn I dunno. So I wouldnt get far there. I like the show Dont forget the lyrics. Now most of them I know but once in awhile I have no clue. I could probably go at least to 500,000. But I cant sing worth a dang soooo that leaves me out!

Jac said...

walker, I have to learn writng from you buddy.

You write so well.

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: Because i like big boobs and they look better on women LMAO!!!!!!!!

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: The damn beans made me expand in the body cast so much they had to rush me to the hospital by ambulence because they were afraid i would either suffocate or explode through the whole at the top

Walker said...

Gypsy: Competition and being the best is becoming a big trend as are shows geared for the average person.

I am waiting for Operation, the one where they use real medical tools and contestants LOL

Walker said...

gab: I have seen an episode of that show and the best i could do is humm the tue without the lyrics lol

Walker said...

Jac: Jac you write perfedct enough.
I have my style and you have yours. If you wrote like me you would be me
Hmmmm then maybe I can move there were its warm and you can come here andfreeze your butt off LOL

nachtwache said...

Dear me, you've met some aggressive females. Now I know girls usually mature faster and can be meaner than any boy, but that goes beyond anything I ever heard. What part of town did they live in? The red light district?!

having my cake said...

LOL. Now I understand your problems with women :)

Walker said...

nachtwache: Ritaline wasn't availble back then LOL

I have found women more agressive, at least in my life.
My first lover was 14 years older than me and I had my first kid when I was 14 and the mother was 23.

Walker said...

having my cake: It's not really a problem, just painful LOL

...just-rambling... said...

LOL! Thanks for making me laugh today!

Walker said...

just-rambling: You are welcome, thank you for giving me a smile :)