blue moon (2)

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Just A Typical Friday ©

I’m tired.
I’m drained.
I’m confused.
And I’m tired.

Everyday my life is overflowing with mayhem and people who can’t deal with their shit who have to share it.
Did I say share?
Hmmm, I meant pass it on.

Tell me, would anyone like my life?
I’ll sell it to you cheap but I keep the cat.

Here let me tempt you with some of the highlights of 12 hours, only 12, 12 hours of Walker’s life.
10 am one of my brother’s old customers comes to see me.
He’s managed to fuck up all three of his computers and he wants me to fix them which is fine but there are three and I was looking at a lot of work because not only has he messed up windows to the point that not even Bill Gates could recognize the software but he wants me to save it all.

To make everything easier, he has no supporting software for the computers and his version of windows is pirated and not supported in fact, it tells him every time he boots up its not a genuine version of windows.
So I send him to buy one and proceed to look at the laptop.

The phone rings, it’s my SIL freaking out in a psychotic rant about it being the one year anniversary of her father’s death and my brother wouldn’t give her the vehicle to go to the church then went into another rant about how life with him is.

I have heard this before and told her if it was that bad to leave, she doesn't but stays to drive him crazy and me.
I talk my way into hanging up the phone and turn on the laptop to see what its problem was.

First there were three versions of windows to choose from, WTF?
Then it booted into setup to install windows.
He was attempting to install windows on top of what he had but was crashing it before it fully installed so it created 3 different platforms or choices to boot into hell with.

The phone rings, it’s my brother and he wants me to go to the daycare to pick up my niece because my SIL has decided since she doesn’t have a car, he could leave his work to go get her. But since he can’t, he wants me to take the truck he won’t lend her and go get his daughter.
Did I mention they live together as a couple?

I tell him yeah and hang up.

I boot into the different versions of windows until I manage to find the old one and get into windows, finally.
It would be the last one I went into to wouldn’t it.

The phone rang; it was my mother.
She called to tell me my SIL called ranting about not being able to go to church for her father and how it was my brother’s fault because he didn’t give her the car.
Just then the doorbell rang and I told my mother I had to go.
It was the customer with the windows CD and the other software I needed to loadonto his computer.
I asked him how many times he tried to install windows and he said none.

He sits down and I look through his windows to see what the problem might be and I find that he has more firewalls and spyware software than they sell.
He had four different virus checkers and spy bots running at the same time busting each other then deleting files he had no idea what they were for, thus rendering his system……fucked. Then he tells me I should have started with the other computer because it was worse.

The phone rang and it was my brother yelling and screaming at me to go next door and give the crazy bitch the keys to the truck then went into a speech about something, I wasn’t listening, I was looking for bottle of poison to drink.
I told him I will get the keys for her then hung up.

After getting some information I needed from the customer to register his windows he left to go get a late lunch.
I sat down to prepare the laptop to install a fresh windows, after I deleted the other ones that is and as I started loading the doorbell rang.
My SIL was at the door with the dog in one arm and her father in the other.
You see my SIL keeps all her dead relatives ashes in the house with her.
Makes it easier for family reunions and everyone is always on time.

She tells me she needs me to watch the dog while she goes to get my niece from daycare.
What am I to say?
If I say no she may go into some weird tantrum and my brother doesn’t allow the dog in his car, especially after the last time when it puked all over his leather seats.
I take the leash and the dog hops around all over the place running up and down the hallway like Ozzy on speed.

I put the barrier up so he can’t get into the kitchen and sit back at my desk to work on the computers again.
I figured what else can happen, all the Drama Queens were out and it should be quiet for me to get my work done.
Biggie was running around looking for Frick, he knows that there is a creature who hisses at him that lives here so he always goes looking for the devil.

Me, I wasn’t paying attention, right now I was trying to find where the customer had put the software he wanted loaded on his computer.
I went nuts looking for it until I figured he might have left it in his car, so I called him.
Well, I was wrong, he didn’t forget it in the car in fact he didn’t forget it at all because he never had it.
Hmmm, and where was I going to get this software? Hmmmm

Just then there was a loud noise and a war erupted.
It seems Frick hadn’t noticed that Biggie was in the house and strolled down the stairs nonchalantly then walked into a white steamroller that first scared the b fucken geeeeeeeezuszz out of him then bowled him over with a thud.

Did I mention Frick hates other animals and he's MEAN when there is one around, unless it is living here.
By the time I got to where all the noise was Frick had Biggie on the ground and was laying a beating on him.
Size wise they are about the same but Biggie is about 7 pounds and Frick is almost 15 pounds of lean muscle and was using Biggie as a dust mop along the floor.
It’s not often you see a cat whoop a dog.
When Frick saw me coming he let him go and ran past me then hopped into the kitchen.
Biggie lay there on the floor, dazed, probably thinking he had been caught in a Texas Twister.
As soon as he got up he ran to the barrier and waited for Frick to come back.
Dumb dog, he gets a pasting every time but he keeps coming back for more.

At 6pm the phone ran, it was my brother asking if she had come back yet and I told him no.
He then took off into another rant about her probably driving all over the place burning up his fuel.
Yeah, like I really care right now as I sit in my chair watching Biggie humping my shoe.

I hang up the phone and I reboot the laptop to make sure it works.
I had backed up his files onto a external hard drive and wiped the sucker clean to load a fresh operating system.
When windows opened and went into the device manager it was full of errors.
This only means I need to install the motherboards drivers for sound and the other on board devices.
I take the CD that he had brought me with the drivers and pulled out a CD of Kenny G……!
I call him up at home and the customer tells me that that’s all the Cd's he had for the computer.
Well I guess that’s one way for Kenny to sell his Cd's.

So now I had to find the drivers for the laptop on line so I look for what find it is and he has no name.
The customer said it was a Toshiba but it didn’t say Toshiba anywhere then he said it could have been a Compaq but it looked to good to be a Compaq so I Googled the model number and found it was a generic brand then started looking for the drivers for that model number.

As soon as I get the new drivers installed and the laptop up and running like new again the doorbell rang.
At the door was my SIL, my niece and her grandfather in her mother’s arms.
She came in and asked if I could do her the favour and walk the dog to her place.
I said fine and put Biggie on the leash and walked back to their place with them.

On the way there she told me they had gone to a lobster house for some seafood with her sister.
I told her that was nice.
She shifted the urn from one arm to the other and told me how she had it ontop of the dinner table at the restaurant.
When the waiter came over and looked at it she told him it was her father then opened it up to introduce him to her father.
The waiter freaked out then took off to the kitchen and refused to go back so they had to send another waitress to serve them.
The new waitress asked the SIL if it was really true that it was her father in the urn and she said yes..

At the door she shifted the urn again and told me that her father was getting heavy and I told her it was probably because the urn was stainless steal.
She said no, it was her father that was heavy.
I shrugged and told her she shouldn't have fed him that much lobster then turned and walked back home.

As soon as I walked in the phone started ringing, it was my brother.
I didn’t answer it I just sat down and worked on the other computer.
It midnight now, I’m rolling a joint and I am going to lye back on the couch and see if there is something, quiet on the box.
No matter how hard I try I lead a quiet life, it manages to get noisy around here.

So, anyone want to trade, but remember; I keep the cat?

Have a nice weekend



Gypsy said...

Have you ever thought of moving say....Australia, yeah that might be far enough? I'd even give you somewhere to stay and I PROMISE I won't cause you any problems. You know how uneventful my life always is ;)

Teresa said...

Could you really live a quiet life? I am not so sure. Less drama, but I think you are much too social to be cut off completely.

Walker said...

Gypsy: I don't know, I have family in Sydney and they woudl probablt call them up to tell them to bug me there.
Maybe Antartica I can swap places with a penguin LOL

Walker said...

Teresa: I spend most of my time alone and when i do go out its usually by myself someplace they don't know me that well.
I crave peace and quiet because i live in a noisy world

Anonymous Boxer said...

I am exhausted after reading this, so that means:

1. You're a good writer.

2. You seriously good use some "down time" from all of that.

Any chance you could stop answerig your phone and door?

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday.......

BikerCandy said...

"You see my SIL keeps all her dead relatives ashes in the house with her.
Makes it easier for family reunions and everyone is always on time."

That's classic!

Anonymous said...

Come to Japan! It's pretty quiet here...and Papa Bean knows enough about computers so you wouldn't have to do all that here! LOL...I was dizzy listening to this story...the things people do to their computers eh? and on top of all the other stuff going down.... good concentration skills there Walker!

Michael Manning said...

"You see my SIL keeps all her dead relatives ashes in the house with her.Makes it easier for family reunions and everyone is always on time." :D))

I had to continually take off my reading glasses to wipe away tears from uncontrolled fits of laughter as I hung half-way over my desk chair reading this. Had that phone rung again at your place with an interruption, and it was Bill Gates I would have called a 24-hour Oxygen service to deliver a large canister up my 3 flights of stairs so I could twist the valves, put on the mask and continue laughing without losing consciousness!

I can hear Dr. Laura with your SIL on the call in line: "Welcome to the program". LMAO!!!!

Dotm said...

Walker, With all that is always going on with your family and friends I don`t know how you handle it all without going crazy. But, after all these years, they can`t afford to all stop bugging you at once or your body might go into shock from so much peace and quiet.
Take care and good luck with the computers. Gee, a few years back I would have loved having you living closer when my machines were becoming a real pain. LOL. Like you need more work, right? Have a good day.

Lindy said...

Dude, really? You know my life. You'd make me pay you to swap. Course, I'd disconnect the phone & use a private cell that nobody knew about & keep a fake cast for my leg. Nobody would bother asking me.

Monogram Queen said...

No I definitely wouldn't trade and i'd think twice about even answering the phone as a matter of fact! LOL

Blazngfyre said...

Let me think about it.

Peter said...

Don't expect sympathy from us Walker, you make us dam near bust a gut laughing with your posts then act like we should pity you!!!

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: Thank you, I can never stop answering the phone especially with my parents being at the age that they are.

One day I will get all the rest I need buit for now I will just deal

Walker said...

BikerCandy: What ca I say, the SIL is a classy lady LOL

Walker said...

JYankee: One day I just might do that. I have a friend who teaches there and it would be different and I love asian food.

Walker said...

Michael Manning: My life sometimes is a rollercoaster of histerical hypocracy and stupidity but isn't that what life is all about, especially in a society that has all sorts mixed up together.
Rather than bust my balls I just go with the flow and try and make some sense or tickle a bone with it.

Walker said...

Dotm: I feel like i am the buffer between the crazy and the insane with me slowly becoming deranged LOL

Walker said...

Lindy: If you don't answer the phone the bang on the door. They only live next door and if I don;t answer the door the get up on their tippie toes and look in from thewindow.
Except my mother, she is short and has to use a chair to look in LOL

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: But just think of all the great posts you could write and did I tell you about the big HUGE shopping malls here with all the sandle stores in them ;)

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: Whats to think about. Yopu already have 911 experience LOL

Walker said...

Peter: Oh I don't want pity just a hideout LOL