blue moon (2)

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Dishing It Up ©

Why do people get me in trouble?
I sit at home minding my own business and don’t bother anyone.
I watch TV or play on the computer.
Sometimes I have a guest or two and pass the time.

The phone rings and its buddy who is in Brazil on holiday.
I ask him how things are going and he says its great but he gets slapped a lot.
I told him not to get to fresh with the natives and he will be fine.
He said the women there aren’t the ones slapping him; it’s his wife for looking at them.

Then he tells me he needs a favour.
This is where trouble always starts doing favours for people.

Walker can you stop by my place and see how my wife is doing.
When I went there his wife was doing just fine actually she was doing his brother but I wasn’t going to tell him.

Walker, do me a favour and pick me up a case of beer.
Sure, two minutes after I walk through the door the narcotic unit crashed it down and arrested all of us.

Walker, lets go to Quebec, we’ll have a blast.
Four counts of assault police, disturbing the peace and barred from the province for 15 years.

Walker, go to the bank for me and make a deposit.
Three guys walked in at the same time and made a withdrawal.
Buddy was pissed because he had to wait for the insurance to cough up his money
The bank was pissed because they lost money
The three guy who later got caught were pissed because they got caught
The cops were pissed because there were no more jelly donuts in the coffee shop next to the bank.
Me, I was happy
I still had his money in my pocket

So when people ask me for a favour, something wrong is going to happen.

I ask him what he wants me to do and he says that everyone’s satellite dish went down and he wanted me to run around and put them up again and he will take care of me when he got back.
He has this little thing happening with illegal satellite signals but the things go down all the time and he charges them 20 bucks each to put the back up.
Oh man that sounded like a lot like work to so I told him I was dumb as a stump and had no idea how to do it or where to go get the file.

He tells me it’s easy and told me where to go on line and download the file for the dishes.
I hummed and haaaaed that I was kinda busy and didn’t have the time but then he got into how his parents who are in their 80s and all these other old people had nothing to watch and they are old with nothing else to do but watch TV blah blah blah


He gives me all the information and just before he says by I tell him he owes me, BIG.
I pullout my memory stick and surf the net to find the site where the files are.
I find the site and look for the file and I find………………two of them.
He said nothing about two files.

I sat here staring at them trying to figure out which one to choose.
It was a crap shoot in the end but I took the second one thinking it was logically the most recent.
I download the file to my computer then unzip it and send it to the memory stick I had already to go in the USB port.
Now that I had what I needed I made a couple of phone calls and said I was stopping over to fix their illegal dishes.

It was relatively easy to do.
Shove the stick in the USB port then follow the instructions and the box is up to date again with the latest file.
Piece of cake and speaking of cake, every place I stopped the wives gave me cake and the husband’s wine or beer.
By the time I got back home I was so buzzed I trying to unlock the doorbell with my key.

I don’t know how long I lay there when the phone rang and it was buddy all anxious and freaking out.
I couldn’t really understand what he was saying, something about the dishes and porn channels.
I told him I fixed the dishes and passed out again.

The phone woke me up in the morning and it was buddy asking me if I was coherent yet.
I told him I was fine.
He said I screwed up, I installed the wrong file on the machines and instead of giving them the international channels I installed the porn channels.

I screwed up, who didn;t tell me about the TWO files?
Yeah and so what’s the problem, now they have something exciting to watch instead of that other crap that's sponsored by Metamusel.


I spent half the morning running around again installing the new file on all the machines AGAIN.
This time I said NO BOOZE, cake was ok.
I went to his parent’s place first and the wife was laughing about the whole thing and how there were naked people on all the channels.
Her husband said all the men and women had fake parts.
I told him they weren’t fake parts, well maybe the breast implants but the male parts are real.
His wife’s eyes went wide and he just said that it wasn’t possible besides everything was fake on TV.
Uh huh
I pretty much went through the same thing every place I went but I did get 3 more pieces of cake and some sly grins from a couple of dirty old ladies.

That’s it, no more favours
Unless she's has big boobs

Have a nice day.



Michael Manning said...

As I see it,it's time for a new friend, Walker! You don't need any more of this drama!!

Walker said...

Michael Manning: This is the best I can do it seems and when i do find a quiet one they go nuts for some reason LOL

Anonymous Boxer said...

ahahaha - I saw your little voice at the end, Mister.

That's exactly who should get your help next time.

Blazngfyre said...

.... "and red hair"

Sorry, you forgot just a wee bit of important information there. :D

Anonymous said...

uhmmmm Walker? are you sure he's your buddy????

Patti said...

Your such a sucker for the oldsters! Ha that is too funny. I didn't expect porn!

Peter said...

Hi Walker, have you ever had an ordinary day where nothing went wrong and nobody got you into trouble? just asking.

Gypsy said...

The moment Buddy mentioned the old people having nothing to watch on tv I could almost hear the rod Buddy was using reeling you in like a big ole salmon. You're too soft for your own good Walker but who doesn't love a softie. :)

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: I totally I agree ;)

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: You know how much I love me a bodacious red head

Walker said...

JYankee: Yup he is. Makes you wpmder what my enemies are like LOL

Walker said...

Patti: I don;t think its the oldsters, I think it's more like I hate seeing people needing help and no one there to give it to them

Walker said...

Peter: This is ordinary HA HA HA

Walker said...

Gypsy And don;t forget the cake.
You can't buy cake like this let me tell you lol

The Troll said...

Grrrherhahahahahahahhaahhaha! Good story!

Walker said...

The Troll: I'm happy you liked it

nachtwache said...

Oooooops, ah well, at that age they must have 'seen it all', I bet they were surprised.
How many customers? Sounds like a lot, by your inebriated state.

Walker said...

nachtwache: 9 and thats enough for me to walk to and 9 glasses of beer or wine is alot in a couple of hours

BikerCandy said...

Well, I think my hubby would have preferred the first file! ha ha ha