blue moon (2)

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Winging It Part two ©

Monday started with the phone dancing on its rocker shaking up my dream world.
It was my mother calling to tell me she got her tax return and wanted me to take it to the bank and pick her up some things she needed from the grocery store.
I told her I was still sick but she said I would be ok because I would be driving.
Dr Mom must have gone to a different medical school than my doctor because he thinks I should be praying for cloning and a new body.

For a second day in a row I crawled to the washroom for a hot shower with Frick playing commando by attacking me from behind until he found himself in the middle of the hallway singing the blues with the hamper over him.

I may be the sick but I was the cleanest person in the neighbourhood will all the hot showers I have been taking lately.
I was beginning to feel and look like a lobster about now.
After my shower I went next door where I was served a coke and given bankcards along with the tax return cheque to deposit.

After the bank I hit the store and ran around there for about an hour picking up everything on my mothers list when I bumped into the lady from the plant section.
We have been swapping ideas on growing for the last couple on months and when she saw me she came over and said she might have something I might be interested.
I had a smart-ass remark ready to fire but I quickly realized that it could have backfired on me if she said yes and I was way to sick for a yes comeback so I kept it to myself.

She brought me to the back where she showed me two beauties.
They were perfectly round and symmetrical.
Both were perfect and smooth to the touch.
She said I could have them for five bucks each since no one else wanted them.
Fuck I thought to myself, what a great deal so I reached out and grabbed them and that’s when I hurt my back.
The damn things were heavy, no wonder no one wanted to buy them.

Clamping down on my teeth, I hit my pain and reached out again and put the two ten inch clay pots into the shopping cart then headed towards the cash.
They normally sell for thirty bucks but they were thick clay and heavy so no one was dumb enough to buy them until now but they would make good homes for two of my big cacti.

On the way home I decided to stop by Archie’s to see what the end result was from the day before.
I parked the car and shuffled my way to his place.
I was so busy staring at my feet as I was climbing up the million steps to his place I didn’t see Denis until it was to late.
In fact it was her screeching voice that alerted me to the danger as she ex plodded out from behind the screen with a cane on one arm waving around whacking everything in her immediate vicinity.
Her other arm reaching out to grab me as her sagging tits bounced around like Slinkys dangling from a tree.
Her body crashed into me as her toothless mouth tried to kiss me on the lips.
She nailed my cheek as I turn in an attempted to throw my body from the balcony but my back had betrayed me yet once more leaving me frozen and at Denise’s mercy.

Denise is a nice lady in her sixties who loves her dope and booze and from the smell of her breath she had been indulging in both.
The woman was hammered and stoned before 11 am but that’s normal around Archie’s place.
He didn’t look that great himself and Joe was already drunk on a bottle of Crown Royal.
Joe looked and me with a lost look in his eyes and said, “ I stopped by for a cigarette three hours ago”.
Yes I know Joe; they all say that when it’s to late.

As soon as Archie saw me walk in he went on a loud yelling rampage ordering Joe and Denise to get out because he had important chicken wing strategy to discuss with me.
He didn’t say it in a sweet voice.
He said, “Get the fuck out now you bunch of drunks”.
Then fell back in his chair.
Denise was taking her sweet time asking me how I was and what I have been up to. Archie got madder because no one was leaving even when he ordered them to leave.
He told her is she didn’t leave that moment he would ban her from ever coming over to his place.
I told Denise I noticed that she wasn’t wearing her teeth and asked her if she was coming over today to give the boys a treat.
Joe almost puked and ran for the washroom.
Archie’s eyes bulged out then stood up screaming at the top of his voice for her to get out.
She laughed at him and he banned her.
She winked and him, then he went nuts which made him only yell louder, which I didn’t think was possible.

Denise finished her smoke and got up to leave then hugged me while Archie bellowed that she wasn’t allowed to come back, EVER.
She hugged Archie and walked out the door.
Archie called her and fucken old whore when the door closed.

Then door opened and Denise poked her head in and said she heard him.
Then closed the door again behind her.
Archie yelled at her that she was never to come back again, period, then sat back in his chair facing me.
The door opened again and Denise stuck her head in and said she will see him Friday.
He said, “OK” and she was gone for real this time.

Archie then started asking me about the wings that we were going to eat.
I told him I wasn’t sure if I could go.
He said that we were going to eat so many that they will have to close the restaurant.
I told him I felt like puking.
He told me that would give me more room to pack in more wings.

I asked him about my uncle and he said that he left a couple of hours after I had and he was a little more sober by that time.
He may have looked sober but of the cops pulled him over I bet he would have been busted.

I got up and told Archie I was going home to bed for some rest and I wasn’t promising anything about wings that night.
I told him we could go next week.

It was almost 1pm when I got back home and unloaded the car before I was wrapped up on the couch with my blanket.
I don’t know where the time went but the doorbell rang and Mike was at the door.
I looked at him and asked what was up and he said Archie sent him to get me.
The clock on the wall said it was 5 pm; I must have passed out or something for four hours.
I told Mike to have a seat and went upstairs to put my street clothes on to go to the pub.
It didn’t look like I had much of a choice; I was going it seemed.

We got to the bar at 5:30 and there was no one there from our group so we picked out a table in the middle and waited for the rest of the guys to show up and the arrived at 6 pm.

The Posse

Archie: Star athlete in his day.
20 Years of soccer, chased a ball up field and a skirt back down field
40 years of hard labour as a painter and carpet layer which got him in trouble a lot lying on the carpet with the owner’s wife when he should have been painting.
60 years gambling from money to life and limb but with 20 years of soccer behind him, he could outrun a shotgun blast even now from husband or loser.
His passion is food and booze; he says he lives to eat while others eat to live.

George: The mystery Man
Little is really known about George.
He is what he shows you and what he shows is little other than he is a gambler and a carpet layer.
One thing we do know is that he could eat and he is not that big, maybe 160 pounds.
Whenever there is food around you can be sure George will be close to it munching.

Tom: Painter, gambler, world traveler.
Tom took six digits from the casino and went to Brazil for six months with his GF for a rest, then off to Europe alone for some fun.
50 years of hard work and gambling is what he lives for and his GF is happy as long as he keeps the money coming in.
His GF is a native of Brazil and is black as the ace of spades among a den of racists but do you think it bother Tom when they say anything racial.
Nope, because when she comes down she has the boys shitting their pants LMAO!!!
The woman’s got some big stones.
When he won the money and all the young women ran and surrounded him, his GF took the money to hold and told Tom to grab all the boobs he wanted he earned it, then she stuffed it all down her top and purse then took a limo home.
Tom loves her then his gambling with food and booze right up there at the top and is always sporting an appetite.

Nick: Retired gambler now cleaner.
Hobbies, gambling and eating.
My uncle and Archie’s oldest friend have been friends for 45 years.
When he started hanging out with us it was understood that if he wanted to be part of the group then the fact that he was my father’s brother meant nothing if we got into an argument and he would face the same wrath as anyone else would.
Just so we understood where we stood because I don’t believe in taking favourites in arguments and let me tell you, Greeks fucken argue, A LOT.
I have always been on good terms with him and am well respected in his house by his family.
Over the years I have bailed him out of trouble of one sort or another and my father says it’s only because we are alike.
One thing he does enjoy to do now is eat and it shows.

Mike: Jack-of-all-trades but millwright is his bread and butter when there is work but for now he is driving until its time for the mines to need him.
At 135 pounds he could eat his weight in pizza, wings or both at once.
Mike has a history of partying hard when he sits down to party.
His coffee is laced with Baileys and Grand Marnier is his drink of choice.
Many have regretted mistaking his size for a weakness.

Walker: Been here, done that.
Sex drugs and rock n roll is what he likes on his plate with a side order of wings, suicide preferably.
Once he ate eight and a quarter Big Macs with fries and cokes just because someone said he couldn’t.
Another time he drank 76 8-ounce glasses of draft just because they wanted to see who would be the last one standing.
Don’t ask why he’s still alive, his doctor has been asking that for decades.

First round came, 12 pounds of wings well done.
2 pounds sweet Thai, 4 pounds Bbq, 2 pounds honey garlic, 2 pounds plain with lemon and 2 pounds suicide wings for moi.
What we usually do is we each order something different so we have a variety to share.
The feast was off.
The waitress brought us over three jugs of beer and we dug in.
Everything was going well.
I love the Thai wings, they are my favourite here but I was so sick I was chomping down suicide wings hoping they would help clear the sinuses.

Mike really like the Thai wings and gobbling them down until he reached out and grabbed one of my suicide wings by mistake and burned his mouth so bad he couldn’t eat any more.
Archie laughed at his as tear ran down his face as he was chewing one of my suicide wings.
George was like an eating machine and he didn’t care if they were sweet or hot he ate everything that he could reach and stuff in his mouth.
It took thirty minutes to take those down so we ordered another twelve pounds.

My uncle was eating and complaining at the same time that the wings weren’t the best he has ever eaten.
Then we told him that after the first batch he ate they were all free and they started tasting better when they were free.
Tom didn’t say much, he just silently made the wings in his basket disappeared as did the beer in the jug in front of him.

Before they brought the next batch of wings I could see that despite all the talk, they weren’t going to eat this place out of business.
The waitress brought the new wings and we went at it.
Mike mouth was feeling a little better and he got into eating the plain ones with the lemon now because they weren’t as painful in his mouth.
Archie conked out at about three pounds, as did Tom and my uncle.

Mike, George and I kept eating until there was nothing left in the baskets.
I must have eaten five pounds of the damn things and Mike ate at least three.
George, well he ordered two more pounds, so its safe to say that the second smallest guy in the group ate the most wings at about seven pounds.
We also drank jugs of beer oh and Archie had to have a basket of fries with his wings like he always does.

In the end I figure with the two George ordered and Tom dropped a plate on the floor, that we ate about 23 pounds of wings.
Not bad for a bunch of old has beens but I think it’s going to take a lot of walking to shed these wings.

After paying the bill Mike and I headed to Archie’s for a bit before he dropped me off at home.
I know I shouldn’t have gone and I know I will pay for eating those suicide wings in the morning like I always do but when life becomes shorter each day and tomorrow isn’t as guaranteed as it used to be then if you get a chance to spend time with those you call family or friends, then take a little break and suck it up.
You never know when then next time you get a chance to spend time with them will come again.

For those of you emailing me, I am getting better.
I saw the doctor the other day and he loaded me up with drugs to help with the pnemonia so before you know it I will be better and getting into all sorts of trouble to post about.

Have a GREAT weekend



nachtwache said...

Did the suicide wings clear your sinuses?
Besides, heat will kill a virus, so it's good for you.
Speedy recovery!!

Michael Manning said...

Look on the bright side: You could be like that Woody Allen character who says, "Excuse me while I take another in a series of cold showers!" :D Feel Better Soon Walker!

having my cake said...

Get Well Soon Mr... Are you sure the drugs arent causing you to have strange dreams lmao

Tammi said...

Good grief!
Remind me to never invite you and your friends to my house to eat!Damn!My fridge would get emptied!LOL(guess that's just a guy thing tho)
Hate to hear about you being sick and all...especially pulling your back out of socket..EEEeeK!
I'd be willing to bet you need an M.R.I.,hun!
Anywayz... it sure does sound like you live a REALLY interesting life compared to mine!

Anonymous Boxer said...

"Suicide Wings" - that's funny. And taking a break from being sick was probably good for the soul.

Now.... rest, rest, rest.

and stop answering your phone.

gab said...

ummmm hon it sounds like your already trying to get into trouble lol. Hurry and get better HUGS!!!

Patti said...

Get better soon and find some new friends who are more concerned for your health LOL

Gypsy said...

Sorry to hear that you are still feeling so unwell Walker. At least your sense of humour is still intact and hopefully so is your stomach after eating all those suicide wings.

Take care, take the phone off the hook, don't answer the door and rest.