blue moon (2)

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Sex Talk: By The Inch ©

In my last post I posted about my mother calling to tell me Mike had a heart attack.
Mike is out of the hospital, he did not have a heart attack but he does have heart problems he was told and they scheduled more tests.
This all happened as he was shoveling snow.
People got to remember that most of the time we don;t exercise like we used to and when the first snow falls come we run out there and pretend like its nothing until you are clutching your chest having a heart attack.
So be careful when shoveling snow.

This post is tamer than what I normally write so if those of you who usually skip my sex talk shouldn;t be to offended if you want to read this one.
Let's say PG17.

Have a nice weekend.


I stood there facing the judge, clothes covered in dried blood from the night before.
My head hurt and I think my nose was broken but my cock was hard as a rock as I stared at the red head with the big fucken tits in the front row.
Man would I like bend her over that railing and fuck the ass off of her I thought as I tugged on my cock through my jeans trying to get it stretched out and comfortable.

Judge Black looked at me and asked if I had a problem down there and I told him the only problem I had, he couldn’t take care of unless was sentence the red head sitting in the front row to sitting on my face for a month.
The judge looked past me to the red head and a minute later I saw his hand drop down behind his high pulpit, probably trying straighten out his pecker before he bust a robe.

He looked down at a paper and said” Walker, it says here that you are charged with assaulting three police officers”.
How do you plead to that”?
Not guilty”, says I.
The judge eyed me closely and told me to sit down.
He then called Officer Reid to the stand and asked him to tell the court what happened the night before.

Officer Reid walked to the stand and sat down.
He had a black eyes and a number of bruises on his forehead.
The officer picked up the bible and swore to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth then proceeded to tell the judge about walking through the parking lot checking to see if any cars were broken.

They have been having problems with vandals breaking into cars at the parking lot across the strip and was making sure there wasn’t any problem s when he noticed something odd from one of the cars.
As he got closer, he noticed it was rocking back and forth so he moved in slowly and started pulling out his nightstick as he approached the vehicle.

When he got to the side of the car he noticed the door open and two pairs of legs sticking out the door so he looked in and there was Mr Walker on top of some woman the turned out to be a hooker.

He told the judge he told Mr Walker to get out of the car but he said he paid his two dollars and he wasn’t getting out until he got his moneys worth.
Officer Reid said he ordered him once more and when he refused he nudged Mr Walker with the nightstick.

That’s a bald faced lie your honor” I yelled out at the judge.

The judge looked at me and told me to sit down and shut up.
That’s the justice system for you they would rather believe a cop than me.

Officer Reid continued with his testimony, he said after nudging Mr Walker he got out of the car and punched him in the face and set him back against the car.
As he turned from Mr Walker he jumped him from behind and started banging his head into the truck of the car yelling something about owing him 6 dollars.
That’s when Officer Jones and Smith arrived and pulled him off of him.

Judge Black excused Officer Reid from the stand and called up Officer Smith.
Officer Smith limped to the witness stand, sat down and was sworn in by the bailiff.
The judge then asked the officer to give his part of the events.

Officer Smith told the court that they were responding to Officer Reid’s call in to back him up.
As they approached the vehicle they saw Officer Reid bent over the back of the vehicle screaming with Mr Walker on top of him naked.

At first they didn’t know what to do, to walk away and give them some privacy or to find a digital camera but then I remembered my cell phone so I took it out and took a picture.
He then passed his cell phone to the judge to see the picture.

I protest your honour, that evidence was not properly admitted in as evidence”.

The judge told me to shut up and to walk over to the bench if I wanted to see the picture.

Hmmmm, does my left cheek look lower than the right to you”?

The judge sent me back to my chair.

Officer Smith went on to tell the judge how they rushed up and attempted to pull off Mr Walker off of Officer Reid when he turned on them and a scuffle ensued.
It wasn’t before more officers arrived on the scene that they finally got him to the ground and subdued.
After he was handcuffed Mr Walker was taken to the station and booked.

The judge excused the officer and called up Officer Jones but was informed that the officer was still in the hospital betting his broken nose fixed.
The judge looked at me like it was my fault then called me to the stand.

I walked up to the witness box and stood there while the bailiff brought over the bible to swear me in.
I looked at the bailiff as he was swearing me in and he looked familiar.

Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god”.

Do I know you”?

Yes or no sir”.

You look familiar”.

Answer the bailiff Mr Walker,” said the judge.

I do but you still look familiar”, hmmm.

The judge asked me to tell my side of the night’s events.
I told him it was a long story and when he heard the whole thing he will agree with me that I wasn’t guilty but merely defending myself.

It started in the afternoon while I was sitting infront of my computer reading blog posts.
I read most of the blogs alphabetically so I saw that Anonymous Boxer has posted and went over to look and she was having this bang up party happening in the middle of the afternoon with food booze and games with prizes.
There was even table dancing and cat fights to see who was going to be the biggest party slut.
The whole thing started to get me a little excited as I began to think of the good ole days when we used to go out to party hard.

From there I noticed Blazngfyre had posted and I scooted over there to read her post and she had posted her Xmas cards.
HUMINA HUMINA, that’s all I got to say.

Well the temperature was definitely rising as I saw my friend Gypsy had posted, so I wander off over there hoping the heat would simmer down a bit but as my luck would have it she has a picture up of her wearing this hot little number from a night at her school reunion.
I had to get up and put the thermostat down before L melted into a puddle on the floor.

Then I made the worse mistake I could ever make.
I went ofF to Cake page, well that was it.
After reading her post, well just butter me up and slap me silly because my my dick was putting one hell of a strain on the zipper so I decided to shut it all down and go have a beer.
The freezing weather would cool me down a bit to.

Looking into my pocket I had 36 bucks, enough to catch a bit of a buzz, besides I had 3 tequilas in me already.
The walk did me some good and I now needed the blood that was inflating my crotch to keep me warm from the cold so it wasn’t as uncomfortable in my pants anymore.

After I reached the pub a sat at my regular seat at the bar next to this hot chick with dark hair and some cannon ball sized tits.
She looked pretty in the dim light but the lights sparkled off of the rocks she had in her ears.
They looked like one-karat diamond earrings, in each ear.
She was wearing a tight red dress that was busting at the seams to get off of her.
The bartender deposited a beer infront of me and I was watching TV when the woman next to me commented on the weather kicking off a conversation that lasted a couple of hours.
As we talked I felt that there was something funny about her.
I have had my share of picking up nuts in bars so I was being very careful.
I remember one time when some woman I never met was telling people that knew me that I was her fiance.
My friends were calling me at home to yell at me because I hadn’t told them about my beloved and upcoming nuptials.
Who know?
Not me.

Anyhow the beer flowed, she bought me one and I bought her a long island ice tea and chatted each other up but I was still uneasy.
Around ten I was feeling no pain and decided to go home, she wanted to come with me but I still felt that there was something wrong and told her maybe another time but she grabbed me and kissed me smack bang on the choppers before I left.

I stood outside and counted what was left in my pocket and I had 8 bucks left.
That should be enough for a small pizza and a coke I figured to I crossed the street to the pizza joint.
Right outside the door of the pizza place there was this hot brunette wrapped in a fur coat standing there looking at me with a smile that begged my attention.

I couldn’t just walk past without asking if she was warm enough in that fur coat now could I.
It just wouldn’t be polite to leave a woman standing there on the sidewalk in distress.

So I walked up to her and asked if there was anything I could do to help her be a little warmer because it was really cold you understand, that’s all.
She tells me that she would love to make me warmer, for a price.
Great, a fucken hooker.
I told her I didn’t have any money but the 8 bucks in my pocket and I wanted some pizza.
She looked at me and said that there was a special today.

A special?
Go figure, even hookers have a booty sales now.
I asked her what the sale price was and she said that it was one dollar per inch.
So If I stuck it in one inch that would cost me one dollar.
Two inches two dollars and so on.

I looked at my money and thought to myself that if I give her two bucks then I would have six left for two slices of pizza and a coke.
I told her she had a deal and she led me around back to the parking lot where she had this Mercedes parked there.
She must have had to do a lot of inches to afford this car I though to myself.
After she opened the door to the back seat, she took off her fur coat revealing the black dress she had on with a plunging necking that went almost down to her belly button.
She didn’t have big tits but what she had were begging to be released from their restraints.

Sitting down on the seat she reached out and began undoing my pants then began rubbing my cock as it slowly began waking up against the cold of the night.
When it was fully hard and sticking out the top of my underwear she pulled them down to then stroked me for a few minutes before she lay back on the seat and pulled back her legs to reveal a well-groomed pussy glistening with anticipation.

That was all I needed to see and I pulled off my pants and underwear past my shoes and I got on top over her while she hooked one foot up against the back window and the other leg curled around the headrest of the front seat.

I wiggled around on top of her trying to inside her and it was a tight fit but I got it in.
It was a rough pussy to and I forced it in and out.
It was like she was lined with carpeting inside her but I found a rhythm and for fifteen minutes she moaned as I pumped myself into her.
It wasn’t until I came and stated pulling back that I noticed I was screwing the bottom of the seat of the car between the seat and the carpet.
She looked at me and told me I owed her four bucks.
She said it didn’t matter if it was her or the car I fucked, I still owed her four bucks.
I asked her it was a dollar and inch and I only put in two inches so what was the other two for?
She said it was a handling fee; the moaning was free.
FUCK OFF!!!!!!!
I am standing there now all pissed off passing her four bucks for fucking her car.

I look at the four bucks I have left in my hand and think that if I give her two more bucks and make sure this time I get it in the right hole I can still buy one slice of pizza and a coke.
So I tell her I wanted two more inches worth and she lay back on the seat again and this time I guided myself into her warm hot pussy.
Ah yes this is what I wanted.
I was humping away and was just at the point of coming when along comes this fucken cop and kicks me in the ass which puts me eight dollars in the hole leaving me in debt and without any pizza.

So you see your honor it wasn't my fault, it was self-defence”.

The judge sat there blankly staring at me, thinking.

Probably thinking of the injustice I had gone through at the hands of the police.
After sitting in his chambers for a whole 5 minutes he came back with the verdict.
Guilty he said and I was sentenced to eight months probation a month per inch.

As they were leading me out of the court to be processed I looked at the bailiff and he smiled at me.
It was then I noticed the light sparkle off of his ears.


Have a great weekend and get out once in a while to have some fun and to shake your booty.


It does the soul good.



Anonymous Boxer said...

Walker! You've outdone yourself.

Gypsy said...

Eight I mean months. I'm impressed. It's been ages since we had a sex talk and that was certainly tamer than usual but hilariously funny. Way to make that 8 bucks work for you darl.

Glad to hear that Mike is ok and I hope he gets good results from the tests.

Phew! I tried to change the subject but it didn't work. Now its my turn to leave your blog all hot and bothered ;)

Peter said...

Good story Walker, glad to hear Mike is doing better.

Upset Waitress said...

I was told to come here from AB because you have porn. Umm where's the pics? I don't want to read, I just want good tasty party porn pics. Do ya need me to email ya some or what? Jeese! :)

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: damn I was trying to undress myself

Walker said...

Gypsy: And they say you can't get anythunbg for a dollor or two anymore LOL

I was happy to hear Mike didn't have a HA to but we are still worried even if he is not.

Walker said...

Peter: Thanks Peter, thats what happens when i have to much time on my hands.

Walker said...

Upset Waitress: Now I would never refuse party porn pix especially from a hot waitress ;)

Golden To Silver Val said...

Just stopped by to say HI since we are at the same table at AB's party. You ARE a busy boy, aren't you? Nice meeting you...hope you're having a great time....something tells me that you ARE. LOL

Anonymous Boxer said...

sorry Walker, I thought Upset Waitress could READ.



patti_cake said...

I am glad Mike is okay. I was sure you were pulling our leg again!

nachtwache said...

Glad to hear Mike's not as bad as first thought. It wouldn't have been the first heart attack caused from shoveling snow.
I could use some extra time! Alas, none for me. Funny post!