blue moon (2)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Migraines ©

Today is day six of a migraine that has been chewing away at what little sanity I have left.
The past, present and future are in a pitched battle for my attention and cracks are developing on the super structure of my skull and I’m out of pot to smooth out the rough edges.

I feel like the Germans did at the end of WWII when everyone was finally pressing down on Berlin and we all know what happened there don’t we.
I have the EX on one side who I got stuck with in my house for 6 hours last night with her main topic being she needs money amidst the cloud of cigarette smoke spewing from her lips, my cigs, about 15 of them to be exact.

Four days earlier she had asked me for cigarettes through my daughter so I thought to extend the olive branch and gave her a carton, now she says she is almost done.
It takes me about 10 days to go through one and when she and I split up she didn’t smoke.
Then she tells me she hasn’t had a joint in a month either.
This is the woman responsible for me having to take 52 drug tests in one year, the same person who was ANTI POT and now pro legalization.

She kept saying she needs money to pay the rent and will not go to social services for money.
I told her I know her worker.
She said she hasn’t been there for 5 years.
I told her he was in charge of my football pool.
She said she didn’t know where she was going to find the money.
She tells me she doesn’t know what she is going to do.
I give up.
I know for a fact she is getting a chunk of cash, I don’t know how much because it’s illegal for him to tell me that but he did tell me she was getting money since that is public knowledge but it will be more than enough for rent and every thing else.
We just spent close to four grand on the kids and her so she isn’t getting any more.

When she isn’t accentuating her financial woes she is asking me questions like.

How many kids do you have now?
Err ummmmm why do you want to know?
Just asking.

Yes, I am on campaign to impregnate women in every country of the world so that my seed could spread all over and my offspring will grow up then rise to power in every country bringing an end to war and proclaiming their father EMPEROR WALKER of the world.
Hmmm has a nice ring to it.
So ummm who wants to get knocked up?

Like I don’t have enough problems right now that I would want to deal with the world’s bullshit.
How many members of my family have you had sex with?
HUH, ummm, does that include your parents?
What the fuck kind of question was that?

I reminded her about the episode when I was passed out drunk on the couch and the EX was coaxing her youngest sister to pull my dick out on hop on for a ride.
We were all drunk and the sister’s new boy friend was sitting in the other room watching.
He probably wanted to hop on himself because a year down the road she finds out he was gay.
Then there was the time when I was sleeping and her other sister slipped between the sheets to wake me up properly why the EX was making us breakfast.
He second oldest sister loved to do the bump and grind with me when she was drunk.
Basically I was the only male they knew for that long and felt comfortable enough to mess with and the EX didn’t mind as long as it was a sister.
I never met the oldest?

So why ask the question if she was there?

How many of my friends have you slept with?
Easy question, none, but they all tried as soon as you moved out.
All her friends were just like her and I didn’t need another one.


My SIL I think is jealous of the things that have happened in the last while.
Three days ago she called me up in the morning to tell me it was a bad idea that I invited the EX to Christmas dinner.
I told her I wasn’t going to leave someone home alone on Christmas Day while her kids are off having a great time when there is plenty of room and more than enough food for the whole neighbourhood.
Besides it will make my oldest daughter more comfortable.

Then yesterday she called my mother to complain that my brother spent to much money on the kids and was mad because he bought my EX a pair of jeans to.
The truth is, he didn’t, my mother did and she told her that.
My mother figured that everyone was buying a lot for the kids so she gave her a new coat she bought for herself that she didn’t want and paid for a pair of jeans for her as a Christmas gift and the SIL took a fit because of it.

The SIL said that she didn’t have money for herself and my brother was wasting his money on my daughters, but just the day before I was telling the SIL she was nuts for buying a $500 cell phone for her daughter when she could have gotten one just as good for a LOT lest.
Yet she says she is broke to.

My brother is also my youngest daughter’s godfather and for eight yeas we haven’t seen them so he has played catch up on the gifts they missed out on over the years.
My kids didn’t have what the SIL takes for granted and a lot of what we have given them, like the computers were put together from the stock that was left over from closing the computer store that’s collecting dust in my basement or things we really don’t need.
Basically we are de-cluttering and helping out three of our own.
But what business is it of hers?

I have fought to stop my family from giving them to much because I don’t want them to get spoiled with all of this stuff being thrown at them at the same time not that I am winning when it comes to my brother.
I don’t have a lot of money so when I do spend it I am careful and prefer to wait and get name brand clothes on sale or go out and buy something that isn’t a name brand.

The other day I told my daughter she will have to go home and change clothes.
She spent the weekend at my mothers so she can go to work with my brother.
He pays her ten bucks an hour and the works is real easy, besides she said she was bored at home and this gave her something different to do and make a quick two hundred bucks.

The kid tells me she hasn’t got a second pair of jeans at home.
So I tell her that I will take her to the discount store and buy her a couple of new pairs.
That’s when my brother made a funny face and remarked that the clothes there were rags and after work he took her and bought two pairs of designer jeans.
I was pissed first because he didn’t tell me they were going out and I waited for 10 hours wondering where they were and they were at my Exs place.
I was also mad because he was under minding our reality, we (her mother and I) can’t afford to be going out and paying for the standard my brother is showing her.

We would all love to be able to buy the goodies that are out there but reality dictates how you live and a hundred dollar pare of jeans can feed a person for a month at home unless you think you can survive by chewing the bottom of you jeans.

My parents and I had it out on the weekend, my mother and I mostly because she is stubborn and pigheaded in her own way.
My father is plain ignorant but my mother knows very well what she is doing.
The argument was over the fact that I was worried and waiting for the kid to come back from work.
My mother said she was with my brother and I told her that was fine but he should have told me they were going shopping so I didn’t have to wait.
She said it was no big deal.
BULLSHIT it wasn’t.
I have not seen them for eight years because of my ex who has said stuff about me that I have a hard time even mentioning and now she lets the kid come here and I don’t know where she is.
What if it’s an emergency and her mother calls and I can’t produce her?
My mother still doesn’t see it as a big deal.
I told her that I should know as a parent where my kid is.
She said she was with my brother so it shouldn’t matter.

The woman kept this train of thought until I freaked out and hung up.
Truth is, I don’t trust my ex and after the accusations she has levelled at me in the past, I want to know where the fuck the kid is, PERIOD.
It’s sloppy crap like this that only brings around grief, especially when dealing with someone with a history or deception.

I have to leave this post now because my brother wants me to go pick up his daughter from the day care because her mother says she isn’t going to do it because she doesn’t want to and wants my brother to leave his job to get the kid from the day care as his punishment for yesterday.

Don’t you just love people like this.
Let’s just all use our kids as pawns for revenge and see what our kids turn into tomorrow.

Have a nice day.



Nan said...

That's quite the family you got there Walker. Mine isn't much better. lol

Whispering Hope said...

No wonder you have a migraine. I hope you feel better soon.

Walker said...

Nan : For the most part they are good people who just want everything their way and I have been fighting for years to get them to understand that it's not all about what they want.

Walker said...

Whispering Hope: I do to Sally. This was supposed to be a good thing and the kid loves being around us but gezz how about a break maybe stop the insanity.

Gypsy said...

I completely understand why your head feels like its gonna explode. Seems to me your brother should be concentrating on his own child and let you worry about yours. You are quite right to be pissed at him for taking your daughter out shopping to get something "better" than you offered. Is it too much to expect that maybe the novelty will wear off in a little while and they will leave you to take care of your own family? Sheesh!!

On the plus side, it sounds like your youngest has really taken you all into her life with ease. I was going to say I bet you wish you could sometimes go back to your quiet life but who I am kidding? You've NEVER had a quiet life!!!! Take care of that headache and breathe Emperor Walker.....breathe..... :)

Anonymous said...

families...families.... love them and hate them..don't we.....

Anonymous Boxer said...

I have a migraine having read what you've gone through.

You need to make some space between you and your family.

They depend on you more than they give you credit for.

Peter said...

Sure hope things settle down a bit soon and let you shake off the migraine Walker.

patti_cake said...

Using kids as pawns is always wrong wrong wrong but i'm preaching to the choir aren't I? I agree with your way of thinking Walker, you don't want to throw too much at them too quickly OR make them think you are trying to "buy" their love. I wish you luck my friend.

nachtwache said...

Hang in there, hopefully things will settle down. You're wise not to trust the EX. Sounds like she's seeing how much she can get out of you. She could probably use a good shrink, for longterm counseling. What a messed up family she's from!
As you said, your brother is catching up for all those years he didn't see his godchild; but he should let you know where he's off to with your daughter. Take some deep breaths, and smile :)

BikerCandy said...

It really does seem like your brother is trying to be a better parent to your child than to his own. It makes no sense!

No wonder you have a migraine...hell I have one from just reading all this!

BikerCandy said...

It really does seem like your brother is trying to be a better parent to your child than to his own. It makes no sense!

No wonder you have a migraine...hell I have one from just reading all this!