blue moon (2)

Friday, October 05, 2007

Parts Of The Week ©

Three down and one to go but the voters are saying keep her she’s a treasure.
Leti laughs when I tell her that.

Mike came by the other day and went to the washroom.
From up stars he yells down,
“Holy Fuck, who cleaned the washroom”?
“KEEP HER”!!!!

I got to say she feels at home and I can’t turn around for a second and she is cleaning up or doing something even after I tell her to relax and sit down.
Even the cat, Frick follows her around and is not complaining that she is in his bed.

I have to admit that having her here has been the highlight of the year.
Having the four of them here was like ummmm ………….
What’s the word I am looking for?
Oh fuck it, I was the only guy invited to a pyjama party, it was GREAT.

How often does a guy get to be in a room with four half naked women where he didn’t have to pay a cover charge?

Sunday night I finished emptying the shop and we are officially out of there.
For two months I have been slowly moving things over to my place or throwing what not out.
For almost two months I have been pulling, smashing, dragging stuff in and out of the place next door and I didn’t even get a scratch.
Pulling stuff out of places I didn’t fit and stuff that I couldn’t lift.
Not one fucken scratch.
ALONE I laboured while others did other stuff, like go on holiday.
Did I mind?
Did it bother me that I was doing this for someone else who wasn’t bothered to do it himself?

Do you want to know why?

Because I have been fucked so many times there is no shit up there to clog up the old noodle.
Two months ago and sat there stoned in my chair thinking about the computer store and how my brother does things.
He will wait until the last minute and guilt me and my father in helping him like he always does.
There is the mother factor to, you know, where my mother pulls the guilt trip too.
Maybe threaten to shoot herself with the Windex bottle.

SO at that moment I decided it would be better to slowly move most of it now so when he does panic at the last minute the old man and I won’t end up in traction.

So Sunday being the last day of the month, he panicked and the phone calls started coming, he wanted me to meet him at the shop because he had to have everything out of there that night.
Uh huh, what did I tell you?

I met him there and when we got in there was only three things left to move, the rest I had moved while he worked or was away on vacation.
The 2 air conditioners and the TV (yes I now have 12 TVs in my house now)
First we brought the TV over and then I carried the small air conditioner home.
There was only one AC unit left but this one is a big sucker.
I don’t know what the BTUs are but I know they don’t make a bigger window unit than this and they didn’t care how heavy the fucken thing weighed or that someone with a busted leg and shoulder might have to pick it up.
It had to be 170 pounds of dead weight with razor sharp edges around it.
Unless the house is on fire and I have to run out the door with the woman I am with over my right shoulder and the inflatable one over the left, I am not picking up 170 pounds for anyone with my leg and walking down a flight of stair, around the house, up the stairs, though another house and down into a basement.

We decide we will do it together, so pick up one side and he picks up the other and we lift the unit.
We get to the door and he doesn't watch what he is doing and bangs his finger against the wall and the AC unit cutting his finger then sending me with the unit to the ground crushing my pinky finger.
Oh I knew it was broken without looking at it.
I wanted to scream but I was to fucken mad to and as much as I really wanted to yell at him I couldn’t because he was busy running around the room spraying blood everywhere with his finger.

He took off to my mother’s place do get his finger patched up while I waited around flicking at the crushed pinky with my right hand.
I have broken every finger at least once except the thumbs and the left pink seems to be getting bashed the most.
I taped it up with a strip of duct tape and found a dolly and dragged the AC unit to it and around the house while my brother was at my mother’s house.
I took the cart to the steps of the house and went in to see what my brother was up to still.
He was eating fucken chicken.
Do you believe that, he ran out of the shop screaming blood murder and he was just sitting there scoffing down a plate of chicken legs?

I went outside and waited for him to finish his freaking dinner so he could come out and help me get this thing in.
He did come out eventually and we got it into the house but my basement was another matter.
It would have to be a solo act so I told him I would go down and he could pass it to me but he said he would because it was a brand new AC unit and I would probably drop it or bang it on the wall.
Who am I to complain, I don’t see a fire anywhere so I step back and watch his pick it up, take two steps and drop it on the floor cracking the plastic frame around it.

“Damn, that’s to bad”.
“Maybe you should have washed your hands with soap after you ate that greasy chicken eh”?

After a couple of minutes of whining we got it to the small cart and wheeled it to its place where it will probably sit for the next eighty years collecting dust until one of my relatives finds it and gives it to the Smithsonian.

Over the next few months I will have to go through the huge pile in my basement and throw out what is not needed and see if I can reach my freezer once more to get some food.
At least it’s done and one more job off of the list.

Fucken list.
It doesn’t matter if you take something off of it another crawls on, maybe two things.
When does it slow down?

Monday, my bones still asking and my pinky throbbing more than me dick, the phone rings and it’s my brother asking me to take his SUV in to have new tires installed.
Fuck that, I am not doing anything, Leti is off with her friends and the shop is empty all I am going to do is sit here and smoke pot and see if I can get high enough to lick the ceiling just as long as I don’t end up kissing the floor.

I hang up the phone and I cut into a slice of pumpkin pie smothered in whipped cream and the phone rang again.
I told him no once how many more times do I have to.
I pick it up and it’s another friend and her wants me to go to his work now to get a plant.
I told him I didn’t need one but he said it was his favourite and they were going to chop it up to make more out of it.
I said I didn’t need it.
He said it was a cactus I didn’t have I said I didn’t have a car.
He said that they would never have another one like it.
I called my brother and told him I would get his tires changed.

I rush over to the store and his give me this big cactus and says go now before they catch him.I said how much and he said go it’s yours, so I left.

Now this thing didn’t have any needles on it or any pricklies that I could see, so I put it in the back seat of the SUV and took off for the tire shop.
Half way there I was getting itchy and I was covered in small needles barley large enough to se.
WTF did these come from?
The cactus.

They were all over me and managed to get through my shirt to.
The whole time at the tire shop I was in the waiting room trying to pick the little pricks from my body but they were fucken hooked in good and barely visible.

About an hour later the mechanic came in with a bill for $968 for four tires and they were supposed to be on sale.
Man, tires are getting expensive I thought.
While I was digging through my pockets for my wallet containing my brother’s credit card noticed the mechanic scratching at his hands and staring at them.

Shit……..I quickly got him the card and paid for the tires and left there as fast as I could.
I brought the car home and took the cactus into the house then re-potted it.
When that was done I took two showers and managed to get some of the needles off of me and put on new clothes.

Later that night I stepped outside for some fresh air and my brother was standing outside scratching at his body.
He looked at me and said that he was covered with some kind of tiny needles that were driving him crazy and he couldn’t figure out where the hell they came from
I didn’t say anything and went inside to watch some TV.

The next day the girls returned from Montreal and we were all sitting around when I noticed my brother outside on the porch and went out to see what he was up to.
He was out there swearing up a storm and asked him what was wrong.

He said he had taken a shower, changed clothes and the itching had stopped last night but he was covered again and the only place he had gone to was that building he worked in the day before.
There had to be something at work that was covered in this stuff and he wasn’t the only one.
The two guys that went with him were covered in the stuff to.

I told him that he was probably right and that he should wash the inside of his SUV to because my now it was probably cover with the needles to.
His eyes lit up at the suggestion of the inside of his truck being dirty and ran over to look and found some all over the inside and took off to get it washed and vacuumed.

Well it was the least I could do to help him with his problem.
This time of year the wind blows a lot of shit your way.

Have a nice day



patti_cake said...

That catcus is scaring me! Have a good week-end Walker.
P.S. Leti does sound like a keeper!

Gypsy said...

Well everyone keeps telling you to keep question is, does Leti want to stay? You aren't holding out on us are you Walker? Huh???? Can I sniff a hint of romance? Hmmmmm????

BikerCandy said...

This was hilarious! I know it probably wasn't so much for you what with smashed fingers and cacti needles in your nether regions and all but man...I laughed...out loud!

Thanks for the Friday funny!

Anonymous Boxer said...

You know I'm very happy about the clean bathroom.

Sorry about YOUR pain and not for your brother's.


Anonymous said...

I'm hearing Bob Marley's Bad Boy right about now---yep
UH !Bad boys watcha gon,watcha gon,watcha gonna do?
When they sudedongdong come for you?
Let me! Whatcha wanna do? When they come for you?

Bad boys,bad boys whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do?
When they come for you?Bad boys bad boys whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

You are one Bad Boy that is so Good :)

Now about Leti---well does my vote still count since I voted you keep her and I voted that several times. Heck I might have to take up that game that I tease you about if they are all like Leti she is such a nice person. Enjoy today and tomorrow---and you could always get lost on the way to the airport Sunday. :)

gab said...

Sounds to me like the catcus throws its needles. Man one dangerous catcus!lol Glad the shop is empty. Cross it off the list. Sounds like you and the girls are having a blast. OBTW have you taken pictures yet of the famous porch? I cant wait to see the difference.