blue moon (2)

Friday, September 14, 2007

Ladies And Gentlemen ©

It’s 2 am and I am happy to say that the tequila is working.
The tunes are cranked and the neighbours are deaf.
LET’S PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First, yesterday was ItisI’s birthday so if you have the time hop over there and remind her another year has gone by.

She told me today that she is older than me but damn she looks good for 26. HA HA HA

Time to rock and roll.

You know I may be getting older buy I still love my head banging music and I think it’s wasted on the youth who think it’s about banging heads.
It’s about feeling the beat smashing in your chest and when you get to be my age it’s about the only thing loud enough to hear.

The action outside picked up today.
Oh I am still in pain but I don’t give a fuck any more, pain only tells you that you are still alive.

Yes, today was a vein popping, bra snapping, ultra sonic ROCK AND ROLL kinda day on the construction site.

I went outside in the morning just in time to see the city inspector come by to check the progress on the porch and balconies they are building next door.
For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about, don’t worry I don’t either.

My neighbours are getting new balconies and porches and have hired one of the best to do the work but like a true artist he wants to express himself with the quality of his work and the price you have to pay for his genius in this case thirty five thousand dollars for the work.

My father walked out today and all he said was that it looked like a ship, it was so huge.
Not big, HUGE almost twice the size of the old one and it looks like it should be in front of a mansion not this tiny house.
The porches and balconies are bigger than the house I think.

Today the inspector came by to look at the almost finished porches, in fact all that’s left after 6 weeks of work are the upstairs railing and to paint it.
The inspector had to stand in the middle of the street to take it all in because it’s so big.

He looked at the contractor and told him that this had to be the best freaking porch he had ever seen in his life.
The contractor was beaming like high beams in the dark of night.

Then he told him he had to tear it all down…………

The two houses that are getting the work done are part of a series of row houses and the rules here are that no one is allowed to alter the appearance of their house so that it looks different than the others and the porch they are building is definitely not what the other look like, so it has to come down.

The contractor freaked out on the inspector and he tried to make a case for his work but the inspector showed him on the permit he had that he was to rebuild it like the old on was and the other four.

If that wasn’t enough, guess who came home?
The neighbour from hell, the one that floats on air and rolls her eyes back when she is pissed.
I rang my mother’s doorbell, I couldn’t let this go by without an audience, besides, the Greek channel was down and they had to be bored.

Last week she started a big fight because she wanted her garage back to park her car and couldn’t because the guys building her porch had the supplies there and if not for her husband apologizing to the contractor she almost ended up without a balcony.
She parked the car and sporting a bubbly smile, she walked up to the contractor while he was talking to the inspector and heard what was being said.

Well let me tell you, her eyes widened so much I though her eyes were going to fall out of her head and then her tits must have expanded to twice their normal size as she drew in air into her lungs and then …………… I’m telling you………when she screamed I think I saw the paint on the road dissolve.

The poor inspector was sitting in the middle of two hurricanes, the contractor screaming at the inspector and the neighbour screaming at the contractor.
It was getting loud and my father stood there laughing as they fought.
I told him it wasn’t funny to laugh at them but he said he wasn’t laughing at them fighting.
He was laughing because three days earlier the contractor told him that he used these special nails that never came out no matter how hard you tried.
HA HA HA.

The fighting between the contractor and the neighbour got even hotter then it all went silent, just like that.
Dead silent.

The inspector started looking a little nervous and began to step back a bit.
The contractor’s face went white.
WTF is going on?
What happened to make it go silent like that?
My parents asked me what happened but I didn’t know.
What did happen?
I wanted to run down there and ask for a replay but ……...no, it had an eerie feel about it down there.
It was like you stepped into the eye of the storm where is nice and quiet, serene.

WHO THE FUCK DID YOU CALL A BITCH YOU FUCKEN COCK SUCKER?!!!!!!

The inspector was running for the car to save his life.
My mother looked at me and asked what cocksucker meant?

Man oh man the poor bastard was meat on the BBQ and knew it.
She lay into him with everything she could think of then threatened to sue him on top of it all.

After about half an hour the inspector came out of his car, tore a sheet from his book and handed it to the contractor and told him he had to fix it like the others, in this case, tear it down then walked to his car and drove off.

The contractor and the neighbour both went their separate ways and about fifteen of us stayed outside looking at Noah’s Ark, maybe for the last time.

Have a nice weekend

Walker

11 comments:

Peter said...

Gotta feel sorry for the contractor (although he should have checked with the city inspector) but the neighbor from hell got about what she deserved.

Gypsy said...

Oh dear....I wonder if the contractor is going to come out of this in one piece. Something tells me the neighbour from hell will be homicidal before this is over.

Hope your shoulder gets better soon Walker. Just holler if you need me to kiss it better :)

PBS said...

OMG they have to tear it down? No wonder the neighbor is furious. The contractor is supposed to know building codes. You and your Dad have a ringside seat to a whole lot of commotion!

Josie Two Shoes said...

This story gets funnier all the time, Walker. Can't wait to hear how it all comes out, or should I say comes down? :-)

patti_cake said...

That contractor should have known to check with the city but I can't help laughing anyway. Nothing like neighbor drama for some good entertainment!

Anonymous Boxer said...

Ouch. That's for the porch. Not your shoulder.

This is for your shoulder;

Heating pad.

Jac said...

OMG ! Buddy I am laughing my a** out about the 'nail' thing. LOL


Have a nice week end walker. Have a blast !

Brian said...

Wow...some excitement in your neck of the woods. Who knew a porch could cause such a commotion?

wazza said...

Gidday Walker,

Thanks for dropping by my blog.
That was fuckin' funny. Would of loved to have been there and seen and heard all of the commotion, but at least your written description was almost as good as having been there.
As for your load music it was TOO LOUD, but to each their own, give me Mantovani any day (hahaha only joking).

Shaz said...

Too funny I knew I could count on you for a laugh x

gab said...

LOL Wait... wait I gotta catch my breath! OMG.
Well ok lets see the guy could leave the porch up and then make all the other houses look like that one so that they all have Noah's ark for porches. He should of course offer to do everyone else's porch for like half the amount or something you know give them all a special deal so that every one matches? Or he could tear it down and sart again. Dont you just love inspectors from the city? They come in all smug and then bam! Bad news and they gloat over it!