blue moon (2)

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Connections ©

9 am, the phone rings and it’s an old friend an ex business partner.
He is telling me how he has a large amount of black hash and no one else has any in the city.
You know, he is probably right no one else does have any because this is a pot town when it comes to recreational drugs and its cheaper to buy pot.
But the question here is why is he calling to tell me this because I have been retired from dealing now for 19 years this June.

It’s because I used to be good at what I did and people trusted me.
It took me years to develop that trust with people and what people they were, drug dealers, hookers and hardcore criminals are more the crowd I dealt with.
I dealt with lawyer, dentists, accountants, politicians……….on the customer side.

What’s the most money you ever had in your pocket at one time?
I had $120,000 cash on me one day when I walked into a room to do a deal.
What’s the most money “cash” have you ever counted?
For me it was $350,000 while middling a deal.
People trusted me with their money and drugs because they knew my word was good.
Besides you didn’t want to rip off the people I worked for.

Now deals like that were few, most were in the thousands but the take was just as sweet and I made great money but I took the risks and paid a price with an addiction that lasted the whole time I was in the business.
$1000 a day habit meant I had to make more than that so I could pay for it and what ever I needed to live on.
So it’s safe to say I knew how to generate money on the seedy side of life and that’s why he wants me and the fact I know the people he never did because I don’t put the customer and supplier in the same room, that way I don’t loose the customer right to the supplier.

Over and over I tell him NO.
He keeps calling me with the offers and is willing to give me $20,000 for free so I could pay for my own float and grow from there.
$20,000 is a lot of coin and I could flip it to about $100,000 in a month doing what I know to do so well with the people I know and my connections.

Before you know it I could make it grow quickly into millions and money would be falling out of my pockets and I would have women and cars at my disposal any time I wanted.
Live in a nice house and be able to travel to those places I always wanted to visit.

People would move over when I passed and others would run over to greet me to show respect and make them look like they were in my crowd and how important they must be to know me.
I would eat in fancy restaurants and wouldn’t need a reservation because they knew who I was.
Sometimes I wouldn’t have to pay because I was so important.

A couple of lines on a mirror and you could fuck any woman you wanted who were into cocaine back then, it’s probably the same way now.
Young, old, mother, daughter maybe both at the same time, the magic powder makes dreams come true.
You got to admit, a lot of that stuff up there is tempting.
I could be back living the HIGH life and have all my dreams come true.
The HIGH life, that’s a life of being high not living well where I was.

Dreams are funny aren’t they?
They look so real but they’re not.
You sit back or sleep and you travel to la la land where everything is nice and just the way you wanted life to be.
You’re healthy, STRONG.
You eat what you love to eat, all the bad things your doctor tell you not to and you never change.
You’re still slim and sexy.
You fuck the best pussy or have any stud you like ladies?
Got to love dreams, but they’re not real.

Nightmares are dreams to, but those, unlike the nice dreams you have, you get to live in real life when you are on drugs.
Being a junkie is a nightmare and nothing pretty about it.
Everything I said up there is true.
I can generate that money with little effort and I would probably succumb to old habits and find myself where I was trying to avoid.
It’s not the money that will get me back into it; it’s the crowd and atmosphere that it attracts.
Hard to say no to something that is around you all the time.
Sure some of you are saying I can say no.
Yeah right.
There are times when you are vulnerable like when you are mad or sad.
Maybe curiosity gets the better of you and once won’t really hurt will it?
Don’t fool yourself, you will find yourself doing things you Never would have thought you would do, EVER but here you are doing the NEVER thing.

I am a junkie and always will be, even if I never touch cocaine ever again.
I will be a junkie the day I die even though I have not done any cocaine since 1989.
Dealing was a means so support a habit, so there will be no fancy restaurants or fucking whatever hot woman I want because if she is on coke she looks like a junkie dog by the end of the night sucking your cock for another line or a pull on a pipe.
Restaurants lol, all your money goes to feed the beast not you.

The nice car is the cab you take to your supplier’s house to score and the fancy restaurant is a cheap joint you can get some garbage food to shove down your throat to puke out later.
The vacation to the places you dream about, Rome, Cairo, Madrid, the moon… turn out to be the jails you will visit through your life until you reach that last all expense paid resort.
The Morgue.

We are creatures of habit and we love our habits and those habits are our weaknesses.
I hate being weak so I avoid what makes me weak, cocaine.
My kryptonite is the old life not the cocaine or the money.
I think we have to understand ourselves more to know what to avoid in order too stay strong and not be weak.

I don’t need a $20,000 float because I have no need to make a million dollars selling drugs to fuck up my life, I’m doing pretty good fucking up my life without it.
Women I can find without having to get them stoned to fuck me.
Cars, well I like to walk and as for fancy restaurants, I think I’m a pretty damn good cook so that is fine by me.

I said no to him and will live the dream I have always wanted to live, that’s the one I am living now, a normal fucked up life.

Temptation will always be there trying to seduce me and I know the phone will keep ringing for me with the bait dangling in my face but I will keep saying no.

You know, it won’t hurt to get a couple of grams for the boys for the weekend; they would like a treat?
They’ll probably complain I didn’t get them enough, Pffffffft
Mike’s coming back Saturday but that’s Friday’s post.

Have a nice day



Angel Without Wings said...

Yes temptation, I know it well. There are all kinds of things that tempt us and you just have to have the self respect to say no. Its not courage and strength on its own, its self respect. In order to have that though you have to know yourself well enough that you know what you can handle and what you can't and know the consequences if you succumb.

I have been dependant on alcohol in the past, I have smoked pot and still do on occasion but I've never done any other drugs. I have an addictive personality and I know that if I ever strayed into that territory I would be lost forever.

My main addiction lies more in matters of the heart and that is where my biggest weakness lies.

Good for you Walker for having the self respect to say no.

patti_cake said...

Habits can be broken but temptation lasts a lifetime. Great post Walker.
I want to travel more than anything else in the world but I wouldn't sell drugs to do it. I am proud of you, my friend.

Peter said...

A good post and a wise choice Walker, once burned why bother again.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Wow - delurking to say, what a post. I'll be lurking more often.

Great voice.

gab said...

nice post and very honest. too many cant admit that and then actually mean it. WTG!!!!

Sally said...

I'm proud of you for being honest with yourself. That's what I had to do with alcohol a long time ago; face up with the choice of living or not. Life is not easy for anyone all of the time, but like the song "I never promised you a rose garden". My heart goes out to those who cannot walk away, and are unable to find the beauty.

Thank you for always putting things in perspective.

Vickie said...

As always thanks for a great post--It is all about choices--and many times they are not easy ---temptations are always around---some are more difficult to handle than others---I think you have strength most people would like to have and are always reaching for---you my friend have it as you shared with us---you made the right choice in saying no to something so easy to say yes....

Thank you for being you and teaching...others...

Lora_3 said...

Damn I like the music! LOL

Are you smiling?
Well you should be.

Be safe...

Walker said...

Angel: I am only addicted to cocaine and eating pussy. One i gave up the other I will have to endure LOL
I used to drink alot but could always take it or leave it.

Walker said...

Patti_Cake: I want to do some traveling and might be off to Peru to see if I could fall off a mountain.
I would never sell drugs for a living anymore.
I don't really aprove of some of the drugs out there right now.

Walker said...

Peter: There is not really a choice. I figured I would die soon if i kept it up. My dosages were going higher everytime and that scared me and the fact my heart almost exploded a couple of times was the signal to end it.

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer : I'm happy you de lurked and you are always welcome here :)

Walker said...

Gab: The first step it to admit it to yourself and NEVER be ashamed of it. We are human and sometime take the wrong path but if you figure it out in time you may be able to get it riught later :)

Walker said...

Sally: If we can't be honest withourselves how can we be honest to other people.
Alcohol is a bad habit for many. I know so many people even today who need a drink when they wake up. I think in time they will wake up or maybe not or never wake up one day because of it.

Walker said...

Vickie: Coices are easy to make but temptation nags at you trying to get you to break.

Walker said...

Lora: I am happy yopu like the music but I had none so I am assuming you are using FireFix and it doesn;t like my htnl and is playin the music from the other post.