blue moon (2)

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Birthdays ©

Look who’s back, well sort of?
I am still sick but I can actually find some energy to sit here and write a post.
It’s been awhile since I could say I haven’t been sick and I’m getting tired of it.
I want to write this humongous post but I don’t think I have the energy for it yet but I am a lot better compared to what I have been for the last four days.
Which makes me wonder how people who are sick every day can handle this.
Today was the first day I have had something to eat in 3 days and I had to force it down and I will be jamming more food down my gullet when I am done this post.

First my birthday, was great up until I got sick, the rest has been postponed until this Saturday when the guys are coming by here for some poker and then off to the casino.
As you saw in my previous post, me and my toilet were inseparable in fact at one stage seeking a divorce from my porcelain beauty I was entertaining the idea of swallowing Jell-O powder to stiffen up the load and give me a break but then I had visions of crapping out little red and green squares so I forgot that notion very quickly.

On March 26 2007 the phone rang and Archie woke me up blubbering something about I was missing my birthday party.
I looked at my clock through blind eyes and I swear the clock said 7 am.
I told him I would be right over and went back to sleep until 10 am when the phone rang and woke me up again, it was Archie wondering how long it takes to brush my teeth and walk the five blocks because its been hours.
I explained to him that I had more teeth than he did and took longer.
Frick was passed out in the bed with me and Emme was on the floor next to it because she is too fat to get up in it.
Must remember to put the step back at the end of the bed for her.

As a rule I like spending most of my birthday by myself reflecting on the year that has just gone by.
This year had had many changes as many of my long time readers know and even more changes just a few of you know and yet there are some changes only I know.
Is change good, sometimes it is and sometimes its not but change is inevitable no matter what we really want to do?
How change affects us has a lot to do with how we deal with it.
Personally I accept change slowly so I can understand it better and learn how to fuck with it so that it’s in my favour.
You see if you fight change then you use up resources that you could be putting to good use.
Don’t confuse fighting change with fighting for a cause.
I don’t want a bunch of you jumping up and down because you may have to accept what ever your politicians try to force feed you without a say, I am talking about life changes.
From the moment we are born we start getting older and changes occur to our lifestyle, bodies, beliefs and the list goes on.
Those changes never stop until the day you die.
What does change is how we deal with these changes and how it affects who we are and those around us.

Someone told me change is easier when you’re young because our bodies are stronger.
Is it that, or is it that because we are young and don’t know better so we adapt to the situation better by accepting it without a fight but finding a way to flow with it.
Like a baby born with one leg.
As far as it understands it’s normal and adapts to having only one leg.
I know a little boy who is 8 years old who is autistic, blind in one eye and has 50% vision in the other.
He was born with part of his brain missing and suffers from vicious seizures at times.
The last time they had to stop his heart to stop the seizure then zap him back to life.
He has more surgeries than I can count and the doctors have no idea why he is still alive but he is and a lot of it has to do with the love get gets from everyone but I also thinks its how he deals with it and do him this is normal life and has accepted it.
He goes to school, he loves Batman and can recite the whole movie but he doesn't communicate to people like a most children do but still he communicates in his own way.
As far as he is concern he is not disable and lives like a normal little boy, we are the disable ones for calling these people disable.

As we get older we understand more and remember what we were like and try and hold on to part of that.
I know I have, even though I know my body can’t take the punishment it could have when I was 20 or even last year for that matter.
It doesn’t mean I am done, it means I have to adapt and do what I used to do in another manner.
I used to be able to pick up a fridge and walk it outside.
I bet I still can but I know my back will make me pay for it so now I use a handcart and achieve the same result and save the back.
I have not accepted defeat but I have learned to use what abilities I do have to get the same result.
We have to learn to adapt to how our lives are now and not fight change and end up hurting ourselves needlessly.
Same with illness, we have to look at what the problem is, deal with it but don’t stop living life because of it.
You have to adapt, just weave it into your life instead of allowing it to change you.
You don’t have the energy to do something today then don’t do it, do something you were to do the next day that is easier thus still achieving a goal instead of laying there down because you didn’t do what you wanted and the next day if you feel better, do what you put off since you have nothing to do because you did what you had planned for that day the day before when you were not up to it.
Oh look at the time, I got to go, Archie’s waiting.

I got to Archie’s by 11 and he was singing Happy Birthday to me as I walked in through the back door.
That alone took years off my life.
He was already half bagged as he passed me a beer.
We sat there talking and fighting every time he tried to fill me a glass of brandy.
A beer at 11 am is one thing but brandy was another story.
Then he went off on a drunken rant about how he was going to smack Dinky because he hadn’t come by to pay him the money he borrowed off of Archie and he was never going to trust him again.
He said when someone tells him they will be here to pay him on Tuesday he should be there first thing in the morning with the money and no excuses.
“Yeah I agree with you Archie, but it’s Monday today”
He sat there silently for a minute and then tried to fill me a shot of brandy again.
I told him I didn’t want any because I was driving to pick something up after I got home and borrowed the car.

I left Archie’s after one more beer and when the other guys showed up with more bottles of brandy and beer.
They tried to keep me there but I left just the same to save my life.
These guys drink a lot and its MONDAY imagine what Friday is like when they aren’t working the next day.
After I got home I put on the kettle and grabbed the phone and called this number I was emailed to call by a friend and to ask for Angela.
It was supposed to be for a birthday cake.
I dial the number and this young lady answered but I didn’t catch the name of the business but I asked for Angela.

Hello, this is Angela speaking.
Hi, my name is Walker, a friend of mine sent me an email telling me to call this number and ask Angela to get my birthday present.
Umm is this a brothel
Well she said she got me a tart and to call this number then ask for Angela, you sure this isn’t a brothel?
NO, this is a pastry shop we sell cakes.
Oh I see, so no stripper either I guess?
No, just cakes, chocolates and pastries
So what kind of cakes do you have?
We got all sorts of cakes and we could make one to order.
Do you have cheesecakes?
Yes we do.
How big is it ?
It will serve 16 people.
So it’s not big enough to hide a stripper in it then.
No. I don’t think so.
Ok then I will stop by and look at you tarts a little later then.

I hang up the phone and sit back having a mocha thinking where was I last year at this time and how different it is today.
You see I don’t compare what years are good what years are bad I just look at how they were and how I got to where I am today.

For eleven months of last year I had three different roommates.
Some were trying times, some fun, some painful, especially moving them out.
Some of the bad times I had with roommates probably stem from where my head was at the time as well.
I’m not used to sharing my home with someone who is not a partner and feel caged in some ways because I can’t do what I really want to do.

Last year has also brought me closer to many people I have met on here through my blog which BTW turned 2 years April 1.
For two years I have been torturing you poor people with my life, thoughts and theatrics, can I use that word?
Mind you reading your blogs everyday makes me feel………normal.
You lot are just as fucked up as I am when it comes to change and life I’m just a little more flamboyant about it.
I have tried to make you laugh most of the time with my posts.
You see I don’t know how to cheer myself up so I get you to do it for me with you smiles and laughter but I must admit there were times I had to get some things off of my chest.

As every year there was a sprinkling of different emotions
This year has brought me sorrow here at home and in the blog world.
A woman I knew for 34 years pasted away and the controversy that it created is still felt through the family.
A blogger I was just beginning to know passed away suddenly due to a rare condition.
Some of you may have noticed the cherries in my sidebar in memory of Suri.
I will remember the gentleness of both these two strong women.
I watched a little girl, Kayla fight cancer and is still fighting a winning battle but then I read about a young man Sean who fought for his last breathe on earth with a smile surrounded by family and friends that loved him and when the call for support went out most of us were right there cheering him on.
We rallied around friends who lost fathers on or about Christmas day.
A friend right now is worrying about her mother many of us are wishing for the best because we know how it feels to be that vulnerable when someone close to us is sick.
There were others who we became cheering squads to and every battle we fought was a winning one because in the end no matter what the results were, we proved one thing, our support gives that person a boost knowing there are others out there caring helping their life’s energy soar to fight harder.
It also shows that Bloggers care and show up when we are needed for moral support even for a stranger we never knew of before.
Do you know how special that is and you should all feel special because you’re all a special bunch and that includes the lurkers because some of them came out of the woodwork to put in their hopes and wishes into the mix.

I have also become closer to a handful of people here that have contributed in adding some not welcome grey hairs to my collection due to worrying me sick.
One-ups and has a stroke then calls me from the hospital from her cell phone to tell me she wants baklava so she can recover.
This is while they are trying to save her life not after they have saved her.
I should just mail the hospital some to keep around for emergencies.
There is one person whom we have spent hundreds of hours analysing each other with, we are pretty close in confirming that we’re both certifiably sane and the world is nuts.
Another close friend I have here has threatened to take me to a Karaoke bar to sing.
There isn’t enough booze in the world to make that happen but I bet it would be fun watching her try.
I know she is going through a rough time right now and I know how she feels, been there done that.
Another friend is worried about her daughter and wishes she was closer to her right now to know she was safe.
One good friend is on a quest for love, some would say in all the wrong places with the wrong men, I would say she is trying to fulfill a dream for the right reasons.
One dreams of home and the family she left behind yet another seeks life away from what she has now or what she never had.
One of my best friends here has me worrying because they’re father is very sick and is in danger of loosing him.
And there are many more of you out there dealing with hard times that I have not mentioned here.
This only shows that life is so real and that many of us live in parallel lives because lets face it, this is what life is about.
We don’t have to like it but we have to accept it until it changes to something else so we might as well celebrate life because we can’t stop the inevitable we can only stop living if we let life get in the way.
Two people this year showed me what living is about or should I say, what feeling life was all about.

Suri I knew for a short time but I feel like I’ve known her forever.
I think it was the way she wrote and expressed her inner most self in her posts.
She spilled her heart all over her posts shamelessly,
She had no reason to feel shame for speaking her heart, as no one ever should.
She spoke out loud what many of us cry inside and it takes a special kind of courage to do that and she was a brave woman.
A rare condition she had been dealing with for years claimed her suddenly one day at work silencing her heart from us.
With all that she was going through she still lived her life with a smile and enjoyed it as much as she could by accepting the negative part of her life and living with it instead of fighting it and not letting it consume her.
I know I miss not having her around.

The pastry shop was only a five-minute car ride from my place and oddly enough I didn’t know of this place and I have lived in the area for 48 years and they have been here longer than that.
I walk inside and the front was an Italian pastry shop and on the other side they had opened a little luncheonette serving fresh home made Italian food and a great price to the lunch crowd.
I walked up to the counter and asked for Angela.
This woman in her early thirties walked up and said she was Angela, I told her who I was and took a step back.
She started laughing and we talked about the cake and went into the back to get it.
I had chosen a double chocolate cheesecake.
She walked out the back room with it and it had this chocolate sculptor on top made with chocolate shavings
It was a damn work of art.
Every thing in this store was a work of art.
They had this Easter egg the size of a fat football that looked to good to eat but just to save and stare at, especially for $60.
I see where it would be hard for a stripper to jump out of that cake, especially with that sculpture on top, but maybe a stripper could spread it all over her self and surprise me, how would that sound.
Angela sporting this funny smile on her face looked around the shop to see if anyone else could hear me.
I guess that could be possible, it is for your birthday.
DAMN RIGHT, it’s my birthday......
So do you know where I can get a stripper to spread that cheesecake over?

I wanted to burst out laughing but was holding it.
She had this stunned shy smile stuck to her face and I could read her mind and it was saying, why did I not take that government job instead of coming to work in my father’s pastry shop and deal with weirdoes like this.
No I don’t but I bet if you looked hard enough you could find someone to share that cake with.
Now that is a great idea and I know this little lady called Emme that just loves cheese and after she could sit on my lap and we watch TV as I stroked my favourite pussy.
Ummm that sounds like just right.

Angela was a nice lady who I was having fun with and I did let her off the hook and we talked for about twenty minutes.
I surprised her with who and what I knew including her parents.
I have grown up here all my life and hung around little Italy most of it.
She wrapped the cake up and I said goodbye but before I left I did tell her Emme was my cat.

One of my best friends here and someone who has become a big part of my life bought me this cake.
We spend a lot of time talking and she links my blog so much you’d think she was my pimp.
I guess that would make me a whore hmmm….
We have a special connection and manage to get each other in a lot of trouble like little kids do every now and again.
She points me in directions that she knows will get my attention and sometimes the results are explosive.
But don’t think I don’t get her into trouble, like the time she asked what she should write and I being the smart ass said, “Write a sex post”
She said “OK”.
Huh really cool, but I had to read it and help her.
So she went off to write her sex post and I went in the kitchen to make dinner.
The kitchen is a step away from my computer station so I can hear people Iming me.
Ever now and again she would ask me something and I would walk over and answer her and then resume what I was doing in the kitchen.
I was chopping carrots when the knife slipped and I cut my finger.
Just then she sent me an IM and it said, “Ok I am in the front seat of the car at night what should I be doing”.

Blood was running down my finger and I was trying to stop it and talk to her at the same time so I told her I cut my finger and I would be right back.
I went to the washroom to fix my finger and when I came downstairs the pot was boiling over and I got caught up with what I was doing I forgot to get back to her until I was done.
It wasn’t until I saw the last message I sent that I realized I had forgotten to get back to her and forty-five minutes had lapsed.
I apologized and told her I was ready to help her if she needed any and she said no, she had finished and posted.
Really, cool so I went over to read her first sex post.

I’m reading through the post and it was very well written and down near the middle I stop and look closer.
I sit back, think, naw she didn’t write that.
I go back and read it again and yes there it was.
So I point it out to her and she said I told her to write that.
I said NOOOOOOOOOO and went back to read what I said to her because yahoo saves it.

Did I ever tell you people I can’t type?
I really suck at it and those of you who IM with me can attest to it then when I cut my finger I was a little excited and the finger I cut was my MAIN-typing finger so there was a small typo.
Just a small one.
What I meant to say to her was” I cut my finger and I would be right back
What I typoed was “back finger cunt
What she posted was “I lay back and fingered my cunt while I waited in the car” or something to that effect, I couldn't find the post to quote it.
So maybe I was just a little at fault there.

She took a big chance putting up that post.
For years she wrote about the other side if her life and she wanted to show the whole person that she was but was scared to do so fearing she may insult friends and family with her openness.
For years she gave people what she believed they wanted to hear and not what she wanted to write about.
She waited for the comments to come and they did.
Most were favourable but there were a few that looked down at her for it and expressed their small mindedness in their comments.
They would rather she only wrote about her sickness and how it made her feel and not about the fun times she has and dreams about.
These are the anchors attached to your life not your salvation.
Dwelling on being sick isn’t living and she realized that and kept on being more open and those of us who wanted to see a real person live life fully we kept going back to read her, those that didn’t like the new person, no not new person, the REAL person went back to their caves.

She has been there for many of her friend when they need her and even when they don’t.
Not to long ago she went off and defended my honor to someone who said something about me before I knew what was even said about me.

During the summer she was with her in-laws because her MIL was sick and she was there daily away from home and her mother to help where help was needed at that moment.
When that was done she came home to be with her mother who is not well either.
She is like a super hero flying from one disaster to the next.

All this and she is sick herself.
She has MS and its weight is on her shoulders but she carries it and keeps on going.
She does her best to make people happy and I can hear it in her voice when we talk how happy she is when she makes someone happy.
It takes a special person with a mighty big soul to be her.
I have never heard her ask anyone for any thing but she is willing to give everything, except the cat.
The husband is negotiable on how she feels at the moment.

This woman exhibits raw courage to do what she does under the circumstances she is in.
She has embraced her freedom of life and tries to live it with what means and energy she has to spend so she can smile and make us smile.
I know how hard it is for her because I talk to her on the phone and hear it in her voice, but even though she is sick I hear an excitment there also about a post she is thinking about writing or something she read on someones blog.
Or maybe what she heard when she was visiting her mother at the nursing home.
She stops and talks to those there that don;t get visitors to while she is visiting her mother.

I would like to thank Vickie for making my life richer with her kindness, she knows how much I love her and for who she is and also for the magnificent cake she gave me.
BTW…….I didn’t share it with anyone but Emme.

Get a load of this, chocolate cheesecake


I hope Vickie gets better soon and comes back to give us a post.
Stop bye and tell her we miss her.

I want to thank those of you who have been reading me for the last two years and welcome those I have met this year.
I want to thank all of my friends for being who you are and having me in your lives and don’t worry about the grey hairs at least I still have hair.
Let's see what this next year will bring me.

This was the short post BTW

Have a nice day



nachtwache said...

You did manage to write a long post after all. It is good to see, that other people have some of the same struggles as ourselves, that life isn't perfect, but we keep going, and others are there to help, to care and share. You do make me laugh many times, when I read your posts, you're also real and insightful; I hope that bug you've got will be gone soon!!
Happy Easter! One of my co-worker friends gave me a Purdy's dark chocolate Easter bunny "Peter Rabbit" :)
Take care!!

Chaotic Serenity said...

darnit! I had typed out a response and it didn't post! Of course I didn't save it so I am not even going to try to redo it! LOL
Happy Easter Walker and I hope you are feeling better soon.

Susan said...

That was a short one?

This really is a REAL community. Many of the people we meet on here are more real to us than those in our day to day lives. I have really enjoyed getting to know you and I always find your posts so heart felt. I dont share much personal stuf on my blog. I admire your honesty and openess, that takes guts.
I hope you are feeling 100% better soon. Mind, if you ate that whole cheese cake (and I can see myself doing the same)you may be feeling crappy for a while!!!
What a wonderful lady Vickie is, thinking of you when she is feeling so tired.
Thanks for mentioning Kayla as one of your "cared fors". She still has a fight ahead of her, but she is so strong, she amazes me.
Happy anniversary on the blog. I think I have been here shortly after you started it. And i still look forward to seeing the word "updated" next to your link, on my side bar. Happy Birthday again.

Lora_3 said...

There are a lot of wonderfully caring people here on your blog. I have always thought that if you got the guys from your poker game and your blogging friends together in one place it would be one hell of a party. Cops and jail time might come after but still one hell of a party.

The Cake was beautiful.

Vickie truly is a power hitter. She's wiser then she knows and just wonderful. I put her in my new story as Aunt Vick!

Thank you for sharing your friends and your family with me through stories. You've taught me a lot in the time we've know each other. I do appreciate it.

Be safe...

Teresa said...

It sucks that you were sick on your birthday, but that cake is awesome. I was cracking up at your "one track mind" about trying to get a chick in that cake. :) Gotta love a man who knows what he wants.

Jac said...

Happy Birth Day walker !
That was a very short post buddy.

You mean to say that you ate up all the cake ??

I dont need to wish you anything because you have what it takes a man rich...a kind heart and a bunch of nice friends.

WTF you mean by saying you are sick ? Then who is going to bring me some Bhaklava on my Birtday party.
Well, you better consider youself lucky as you have at least some grey hair. What about me who haven't a hair, not even for a sample display ? hahahahahaa

Yipeeeeeeeee ! all the best Walker