blue moon (2)

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Beware, Drunk Post ©

So what do you post when you are a bottle and a half of wine in the gutter?
Look at Bennu she's salivating already at the thought of a drunken post and not because she likes my drunk posts but because she can say that she isn't the only one who posts drunk I think.
She keeps forgetting it’s the only time I could actually type properly.
Hold on sec, I got to say something to Bennu.
My ISP has been an asshole of late and I can barely fire off a post but I will catch you as soon as I can find the shells for my shotgun.
Hey, that was a joke so now one call the cops yet, not that I think any of you would.
In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if I got boxes of shells in the mail with addresses of some of your Internet providers.
I could see that happening, the only thing they stop at the border is grits.
BRB I need a refill…………………………………………………………………
Sorry I had to go to the bathroom, now where was I, oh yes, my Us-p, idi, hold on I will get this right, ISP htere gto ti, has been acting up
So I decided to sit away from the computer tonight and spend the time drinking some wine with someone but that fell through and I ended up with all this free time and alone………………On Valentines Day………………….
Where the fuck are you going to find a woman on Valentines Day at this hour without having to spend 200 on a call girl?

Hello Sympatico technical support this conversation is being taped for quality control, my name is Rupa how can I help you today?
Hi yes my ISP is down and I can’t get on line.
Did you go to our website and to have your connection diagnosed.
Are you blonde, I said my ISP was down?
Well sir sometimes you can go to the website and the problem can be easily fixed.
If I could go to the website I wouldn't be having a problem.
Let me see if I could help you, do you have a fax machine?
No, where are you?
India, do you have a satellite dish?
No, I didn’t know there was a India in Canada, must be in Newfoundland
I am in New Delhi India do you have a Vista phone?
No, so you are in India India across the ocean India?
Yes, do you have filters on all your phones?
Yes, We have Indians here to but they are not like you. They paint their face instead of putting a dot on their forhead.
I have heard of those Indians, we are not the same; do you have a splitter on the jack?
Yes, some things are the same, I have a best friend who is Hindu and he calls me by my native Indian name to.
Oh you are Indian, do you have an extension on you line?
No I am not Indian I am Greek but my native friends gave me a name just the same.
That’s nice of them, what is the name they gave you, how many computer do you have on the router.
Four, it used to be Dances With Sisters, until they got pregnant and then it was changed to Mother Fucker, must be the same in India to because that’s what my Hindu friend called me after he found me with his sister.
That’s not a very flattering name, are they connected by cable or wireless?
Two wired and two wireless, no its not and I swear I didn’t touch their mothers.
Have you tried plugging the modem in another phone jack, is it cold in Canada?
No I haven’t, only when you go outside.
Move the modem to another location and try it there, so you have snow there now?
Are you nuts I got to move the whole desk with all the computers on it, not as much as New York but yes we do.
I need you to do this so we can see it it’s the jack; here we don’t get snow, only in the mountains.
Fine it will take me a while; so I have a question do you wear underwear under your sari?
Yes but that is not an Internet question, have you moved the modem yet?
Plugging it now, so all Indian women wear underwear under their saris huh?
Is the Internet working now, not all some don’t but I do?
No it’s not, so some like to be free under there.
Some time it is refreshing not to wear any underwear but I have to come to work and I don’t think it’s appropriate to not wear undergarments when at work, I will look at your connection from our system.
Ok, but I am sure you’d like to lay back with the fan at your feet blowing gusts of cool wind up your skirt caressing your legs and boobs.
So do you have big hooters?

No, but we have a very big McDonalds down town.
Huh, nooooooo.... hooters, boobs, tits……those things on your chest; you do have them don’t you?
I don’t think that’s an Internet question but I have been told they are substantial?
I have to put you on hold so I can get my superior.

UH OH I’m in trouble now.
Stupid Internet has been going on and off for the last three days and giving me all sorts of headaches.

Hello Mr Walker, I have passed you to someone that might be able to help you better, I wish you luck.
Thanks but you could rub your boobs for some luck for me, bye.

Hello my name is Ravi I will be assisting you with your problem.
Hello Ravi, hey does Rupa have big I mean substantial hooters?
We don’t have Hooters but there is a big McDonalds downtown.

I spent two hours on the phone and drank two bottle of red wine before they figured out it wasn’t me but the providers problem and they would have to work on it in the morning because it was 4 am here and they were closed.
No kidding, I have clock that was telling me it was 4 am.
I thanked him for his trouble and hung up then stumbles to the chair and dropped down in it to watch some TV.
That’s when the phone rang.
Mr Walker?
This is Rupa, I called to see if they found your problem.
Yes they did thank you.
You are very welcome BTW I was rubbing them for you, for luck.
Thank you, have a nice day.

Now that's service, I wonder if she remembered about the taping for quality control part.
I better head off to bed and see what this post looks like in the morning and if I will post it.

Well I guess I was busy last night by the looks of this post so I might as well put it up and see what you lot think.
I don’t know if you will be seeing another post from me this week seeing as I can hardly move to type anything.
I seem to have managed to mangle my shoulder and developed a lung infection so I just might lay myself up and hope I can get movement back on the right side of my body.
The doc said I must have a pinched nerve in my chest that shoots a sharp pain through my body and the only way I could actually sit and be comfortable is to hold my arm over my head, bent at the elbow.
Yeah yeah I know a tutu and I could do the dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies.
I hope you all had a nice Valentines Day and remember, it doesn’t have to be once a year.

Have a nice day everyone



gab said...

LOL you know those converdations seem to go just like that too. I hate when those people insist that you have to move everything just for them to look at it there. Drunk? Are you kidding me? if your like that drunk Id hate to see you well I dont know where I was going with that..but you do type pretty good for a drunk person.
Im so sorry you are hurting. I too did something to my back a few days ago. I used the heating pad for 24 hours 3 days straight. What did it get me? Well I can move again but I also got a damn cold. (sneeze city achoo)

Lora_3 said...

Get well!

Be safe...

Peter said...

Bloody hell I must be in India (or be an Indian) coz we don't have Hooters here either, (well we have Boobs... the girls anyway, but no Hooters... lots of McDonalds though) Sheesh, this commenting when yur drunk is as good fun as posting.

Monica said...

So you know TECHNICALLY, you flirted on Valentine's Day with someone. Got pretty personal there with her "hooters" too. I'd say you did okay for someone in that much pain. :)

Happy Friday!!!

Miss Cellania said...

If this is the stuff you come up with when you've been drinking, you should blog drunk more often! Big McDonalds downtown indeed!

Nan said...

HAHAHA, this was funny. I love drunk posts.
Anyways, take care of yourself and hurry up and get better.

patti_cake said...

How come you get a cool indian and I always get the one with the stick up their ass???

Walker said...

Gab: I have had to call my ISP 20 times in the last year and they put me through the wringer every time but I horse around alot with them to.
I know they want to help but these people are looking at a book when they are trying to help you. IO would rather someone who knows what he is doing

Walker said...

Lora: Thank you, I will asap because you said so :)

Walker said...

Peter: I know you have boobs there I saw them when i was going through Sydney LOL

Walker said...

Monica: Well I was supposed to be flirting with someone else but shit happens I gueass :)

Walker said...

Miss Cellania : I can't afford to stay drunk LOL
I don't drink much any more so I guess you will have to look for once in a while

Walker said...

na: Yeah I think you should write one :)

Walker said...

patti_cake : I don't know. Maybe if you talk about Hooters next time you will have more fun lol