blue moon (2)

Monday, February 19, 2007

Crisis After Crisis ©

Either I missed out on something, I am broken or maybe both.
I have been doing a lot of talking to people here and on line and I have noticed many are going through changes physically and mentally.
I have had a couple of female friends beginning to go through menopause and this is really fucking up their bodies and emotions, we won’t even go what it does to me.
But I am a big boy, I can take a couple of “fuck you and every other man that walked on the face of the earth” from a friend, I don’t have to live with them. ha ha ha.
I understand how their body chemistry is changing and everything goes out of whack making it confusing until everything stabilizes or they learn how to adjust to live with it but some go through a midlife crisis at the same time.
Hot flashes, anger, depressions, ecstasy, confusion (usually me) and other emotions all piled up at once then coupled with the desire to want to change, NOW, right this second.
Then disappointment comes when it doesn’t happen when you want it to, feeding off of the changes your body is going through making you moody and unpredictable.
This also ripples down to your family life and how other people are affected by how you treat them.
They don’t know who you are going to be the next time they see you.

WTF is a midlife crisis anyway?
I really want to know because I might want to have one.
I don’t believe I have had one but then again my whole life has been one crisis after another so I may have missed my opportunity or it just wasn’t that important to me.
What does “Mid Life Crisis” mean?
Does it mean that when you your body reaches the half tank mark, you go crazy because if that’s the case I am in a lot of trouble, I’m crazy already.
Or is it the halfway point of your life and if that was the case at 47.8415 years of age I’m looking at 95 and that brings a lot of other questions up like, will I be able to get it up at that age without going off balance and falling on my face?

Many people think that going through a midlife crisis is a male thing but it’s not, it affects all people.
I researched it a bit to get a better perspective on why this happens.
The following are my opinions; for the most part what I found was the person that was going through it was more or less having doubts about themselves, their mortality was now a factor because of their age and what they have accomplished compared up against to what their dreams were.
This causes many to think they failed in their life.
They don’t even take their partner into consideration most times and some see them as the anchor that was holding them back and begin to despise someone that loves them for no reason other than they are going through a phase in their life.
Remember, a mid life crisis is only a phase that will pass.

How many housewives put their lives on hold so they could raise a family and find themselves lost when the kids have grown and left.
Twenty years or more of waiting to blossom into your dreams and when you have the time, free of the obligations of the family you run into one wall after another.
Education, is needed to bring you up to the times but then after you run into another wall, lack of experience, no work history and most people want experience.
If that isn’t enough, your age becomes a major wall especially with companies that offer medical.
Hiring older employees is risky because they get sick more and the problems would cost companies three fold, by paying the insurance, still paying the sick employee their wages and paying a temp to cover for them so many companies are reluctant to hire them and if they do it is usually as part time without benefits.
This is a real boot in the groin to many people who have been waiting for so long to breakout and do what they have always wanted to do.
This only frustrates the person more, magnified by the changes they are going through mentally, driving some into a depression.

Most believe trying to regain their youth will give them a second chance to reach what they wanted but to achieve this they believe they need to be alone, single, unrestrained to do what they want.
As I looked at some of the people who were going through this and compared them to the ones that didn’t go through it I noticed something different between the two.
It was just one thing.
The people who played together stayed together, those that didn’t spend their free time with their partners but with friends instead ended up on dire straights and usually going off in different directions.
I know couples that meet after work at the same pub where they know the same people and have fun together.
Most times they go home together unless there is a good reason.
Sure there will be times where they both can’t hook up because of one reason or the other but those are rare occurrences.

Those that go out separately find themselves in different situations and hanging out with single people tends to make them want to be single again.
They miss the fun they hear others having and it’s a strong lure when compared to the obligations/restrictions a family life puts on them.
Pressure, stress, failure, self-doubt, vanity and death weigh a lot when you reach a certain age to many people, especially when you look back over your shoulder and the past and not like what you had up to date.

All of this is no secret to society, because it has become an industry in itself.
Hair plugs, boob implants, exotic cars sales, facelifts…have been skyrocketing over the last 20 years, as has the divorce rate, they usually go hand and hand.
Do you know if we ever went extinct and alien archaeologists landed on Earth 1000 years from now and dug up graves in Hollywood, they would probably believe that we were silicone based beings because they would only find dust and two bags of fluid in half the coffins.

Plastic surgery has become big because of the midlife crisis.
It used to be to expensive and usually for the rich and famous but they quickly realized that making it cheaper would draw in people of all classes and increase business.
It is now one of the biggest growing industries out there because of people trying to look young again, mostly women.

Where most women spent their money the cosmetic needs they desire, men opt to go for the toys.
The sports car they couldn’t afford when they were younger but could now.
It’s also the honey needed to catch the butterfly, usually some 20 year old that’d rather find some old geezer with more money than brains and leech off of him until he is broke or dead.

Is all of this necessary is my question.
Ok, the menopause, there is no way around that but the midlife crisis can be avoided I think by just being close with the person you said you loved.
Why did you get married to this person in the first place so you could leave them down the road maybe with a couple of kids to raise while you go off to find what you lost?

You know, what ever you do to your body, what ever you buy, how ever you act, whom you hang out with, won’t change how old you are.
If you’re 50 years old and spend $30,000 fixing your body then $120,000 on a nice car you know what you are, a 50 year old out $150,000.
It doesn’t matter how much you spend, you will still be the same age and will probably die the same time you would have unless you drive the sports car over a cliff by accident.

As for me, I don’t believe it’s an issue.
For one, I don’t need plastic surgery I need complete reconstruction, maybe a clone would help.
Second I can’t afford the insurance for a sports car let alone the car, HELL I’m still paying off the little red wagon I got as a kid.
Third, Even though I have never been married, I know why I fall in love and can honestly say I have never fallen out of love with anyone and have never let outside influences destroy how I feel about someone.
I make my own decisions for better or worse.

I will admit I look at who is in the mirror sometimes, I do see who I was and who I am today, my life is etched on my face.
The lines mark time, created by the smiles my kids gave me, the ones that tell it’s been a long time since I seen them.
The battle scares both physical and mental are a testament to my determination to be here.
I don’t know if I want to wipe all of that out of my life for the sake of looking younger because they are so important to me.
Your face says so much when someone looks at you and don’t know if I would give these lines away to have the skin on my face stretched like saran wrap over and open bowl.

Many people never find what they are looking for when they leave what they had and go out there alone once again.
They usually leave what they are looking for they just never realized they had it until it’s too late and gone.

What are you willing to give up to find what you already have?

I think I will just stay broken, forgo the mid life crisis and just find someone that wants to spend life having fun with me riding in my little red wagon.

For those going through this with a partner, just remember, it’s not your fault and has nothing to do with you so don’t knock yourself out over something you have little or no control over, life does get better.

Have a nice day



Peter said...

Mid life crisis... hhmmm... lets see.. I think I might have had one of those about 20 years back but fortunately with my memory fading... I can't remember.

Gary McArthur said...

"The change" it's called here and I think my wife will cope very well with it because she's always been like that!!

I too will cope - because she's always been like that!

I had mine about 8 years ago (I'm 41 now) when I decided to get a piercing (ear) but was too embarrassed to wear it outdoors!)

nachtwache said...

Right on, very well put!! One commenter mentioned about the grass not being greener on the other side. As long as people keep that in mind, they'll be able to ride out some crazy urges. I do think, having been raised with a faith, strong moral convictions has helped. I agree, most people will regret tossing aside what they had.

Nan said...

I went through a crisis, although not a mid life one, after my divorce. I ran out and got a tattoo and my belly button pierced.

Casey Kochmer said...

I just wrote this about
midlife crisis let me know if it helps or if you have comments.

I am still editing and polishing and adding to the article.

Hope It helps a bit.


hellbunny said...

I found it quite an eye opening being alone after being married for over 20 years.I must admit that i often feel out of my depth in the dating game.

tammi said...

I already added my 2 cents on the midlife crisis subject(for what it's worth)giggle.
Just wanted to say thanks for sending a shout out to my friend,cuz that SonicWall has me blocked out.
Your a sweety.

Walker said...

Peter: LOl I know what you mean, its probab;y not worth remembering or to embarasing for some people to remember.
I have had a great life I cant see what I would want to make it better

Walker said...

Gary: Hmmm that gives me an idea that maybe i had mine when i went for my tattoo

Walker said...

nachtwache : may times we have what we seek, we just dont see it sitting there infront of us

Walker said...

Na: I have had a few crisis and have done stupid things after but life goes on and that is that.
Maybe I should get another tattoo :)

Walker said...

Casey Kochmer: Hi Casey I will do just that and stop by :)

Walker said...

hellbunny : The dating game can be demanding and full of pressure and disapointments, I know , I have been there to many times. BUT we mist go on :)

Walker said...

Tammi: You welcome dear ;)

Casey Kochmer said...