blue moon (2)

Monday, October 16, 2006

Gone Shaving ©

How was your weekend?
Mine was filled will drugs and tissues.
No I wasn’t getting stoned or wiping the sweet fluids of some woman’s pussy off of my….
I was sick as a dog.
Sitting there in my neo citron induced cloud I got into it with a couple of friends who are worried about my health because they say I put too much in some of my posts.
I think they just don’t like the fact I write long ones and are trying to get me to cut them down.
I write short ones to, I wrote one that was only one sentence not to long ago remember.
I think one is actually mad at me because as we were talking about me taking on to much I got an email asking for help and I said I would think about it.

Now I am not a crusader, a rebel maybe definitely not a White Knight like someone says.
I look better in Black, but I know I can’t stay on the sidelines if someone asks me for help or if I see something that I don’t think is right.
It doesn’t mean others feel the same way I do.
Friday’s post was important to me for many reasons.
Many were my own personal reasons.
I stayed with someone I shouldn’t have for to long because I thought I was obligated to take care of her.
Even though she stabbed me twice and bludgeoned me in my sleep once, I still stayed with her out of a sense of duty and we didn’t have kids then, they came later.
Was I right to do this, I don’t know but I also know if I had gotten rid of her sooner I wouldn’t have had the two beautiful daughters I did with her.
I have been like that with all my Ex’s.
Was I stupid or loyal?
The one question I wanted to ask at the end of Fridays post and didn’t was:
Why did you get married and did you get what you expected?

But, yeah the weekend was interesting in its techno color prescription cough syrup kinda way.
I went next door to my mother’s house and she took one look at me and said I need to go shave.
Now I hate shaving and I am sick.
I can’t be trusted with a sharp object in my hand.
My grandfather told me once that shaving made you a man.
Damn, I thought that happened when my cock got long enough to piss in the urinal instead of on my shoes and without falling into it.

I told her I didn’t feel like shaving and I was sick.
Then she said I should shave and look human for a change.
HUH?
Ok now I haven’t shaved in 3 days but how does that makes me not human?
And this is from the same woman that told me I had to change underwear every day in case I was in an accident.
I got news for her.
If it’s an accident you see coming your going to fill your shorts, clean shorts or not.

Wait?
This could be the solution to a lot of my problems.
No No not the clean underwear.
Now if she is right and I am not human because of my facial hair does that mean I don’t have to pay taxes any more.
Humans are the only species that use and need money.
Weeeeeell maybe monkeys do to because I saw an episode on National Geographic’s where one monkey gave another monkey a banana for his female monkey.
Is that what they call Monkey Business?
Someone call a Zoologist and find out if that’s legal.

Humans have it rough.
Look at our pets.
They get free food.
No rent to pay.
Free medical
Someone is always playing with them.
They get to shit and piss any where.
HELL they get to fuck on the front lawn and no one says nothing.
Go outside and fuck you partner on the front lawn and see what the neighbours think but if his dog is fucking your cat in the rose bush he calls you up to watch.
Even socially animals have it better.
To get laid a guy has to wine and dine a woman at a cost of about 200 bucks and then he may not get any at all and I didn’t forget you either ladies you have to get ready, all dolled up with makeup and smelling sweet but looking like a million when you’re done.
That’s a lot of work when you think about it.

Dogs, they go out there smell each others butts and as soon as the male finds a ….Hmmmm can you call a female dog’s vagina a pussy?
As soon as he finds something that smells good enough to lick he hops on.
Seems to work well for them and they don’t care if the bitch is with another dog.

Now can you see humans doing that?
You walk into a pub and up to the bar and swallow down a couple of beers.
Then you walk around to room chatting with friends having a grand old time.
Then you walk by this table and something grabs at you nose.
You stop and with your nose you look for it.
It gets stronger as you come to a table.
You get down on your knees and follow your nose to a woman sitting there with her husband and other friends.
You raise her dress and sniff her pussy.
You like the smell of her so you stand up and bend her over the table and fuck her right there in front of everyone, but she doesn’t stop talking it’s like its not even happening.
When you’re done, you stuff it back in and walk around the room once more.
BTW this was just an example so I don’t suggest any of you go out there and do this then blame me.

I need a shave pfffffffft.
I remember when I was younger I used to have a moustache.
I had it for years and sometimes even let a beard grow in but I never really cared for the beard but the moustache was fine until one day when I woke up in bed with three cops pointing shotguns at me head.

Now I don’t need to tell you how embarrassing that was but I have a hard on in the morning when I wake up so when they said get out of bed I said no.
One pumped the shot gun once and told me to get out of the bed NOW.
I said no, I wasn’t getting out of that bed until it went down.
I’m not getting walked out of the house with my dick waving at the gathering crowd outside.
They just stood there staring at me and one call down to tell them I wouldn’t get out of bed.
I was doing my best to concentrate to make it go down but with all the adrenaline that was pumping through my body at that moment it was getting harder.
They finally agreed to throw me my pants after they emptied the pockets so I could put them on first and I walked out with them.
They locked me up in a cell and about 3 hours later they come in with this guy limping behind them and stop in front of my cell.
“No, it’s not him he” said and walked away.
Cool.
The cop stopped him and told him he was wrong.
Huh
What?
HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE WAS WRONG?
And what’s with the one person line up?
The cop was trying to convince the victim that I was the one that done it.
WTF
But the guy kept saying no.
Eighteen hours they had me locked up in that cell before they let me go.
You know why they let me go?
Because they caught the guy that done it and you know what the only thing we had in common was?
He had a moustache.
Everything else was way off, from height to weight and the fucken cop was telling the victim that he was wrong and they caught the right guy.
They wanted to charge me with attempted murder while I was at home with friends watching TV.
I did ask where the guy was stabbed and was told in the ass.
Now how stupid is that.
How can you charge someone with attempted murder for stabbing someone in the butt?
Assault on a haemorrhoid I can understand but attempted murder.
And I had to walk home.
You would think that after arresting me they would be nice enough to drive me home.
As soon as I walked through the door at my place I shaved off my moustache and haven’t had one since.

Well I seem to have drifted off the subject a bit.
Probably because I don’t feel like shaving but I do have to.
I got one of those new Mach3 vibrating razors now.
I don’t really know if it shaves any better but when I am done my hand feels like I just finished a marathon masturbating session.
This is the same fucken razor that got me into trouble at the airport a few months ago.
Yeah someone knocked my back pack and the fucken thing started vibrating.
The next thing I know the S.W.A.T. team moved in and I was naked.
So guys if all vibrating razors are banned on planes thus denying you the opportunity of shaving……..you can thank me later.
Pretty soon we are going to be banned from flying.

Yeah I know I’m stalling.
I could only put it off for so long.
Gone Fishing Shaving


Have a nice day.

Walker

10 comments:

tammi said...

I feel like a BIG-O cheater only scanning this page,I MUST come back when I am not going 100 mph.
I know I missed something vital(I just FEEL IT)lol
Love Ya,
T.

Walker said...

tammi: Hey watch that you dont get a speeding ticket but something tells me catching you to give you one would be a problem :lol:

PBS said...

Wow, that was a wild post to read so early in the morning, and I haven't even had my coffee yet! Good way to start the day! Hope you are feeling better by now, good enough to shave--if you want to.

patti_cake said...

I always read your posts word for word Walker. I'm afraid if I don't I will miss something VERY important!
Oh I got married because my husband asked me (I even took a few days to think about it before I gave him my answer). I felt like we made a great team, we make each other laugh and I didn't want to live alone anymore. I wanted a partner. It's even better than I thought it would be since he has stopped drinking. I am blessed.

Miss Cellania said...

OK, this is my second visit to this same post, because Jules said you would give me a prize. OK?

Anonymous said...

Good thing you don't have to shave your legs! Or your armpits!

Be safe...

Walker said...

PBS; I am gettin there. My back still hurts and my chest is stil congested.

Walker said...

patti_cake : It sounds like the two of you make a great team.
I know I tend to wander a little but just a little :)

Walker said...

Miss Cellania : She did did she LOL
Well you don't want me to shve you unless you want to walk around with little bits of toilet paper all over your legs.

Walker said...

Lora: I wouldn't LMAO!!!!!!