blue moon (2)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Fresh Air ©

Hello…yes, that’s me…really?
Well ummmm what is it?
What do you mean you can’t tell me?
You phone my house and disrupt me by telling me I won a prize and NOW you tell me you can’t tell me what it is.
How do you know I wasn’t here having a great time fucking my girl friend all over the living room like two sex starved lemmings……….?
Well no, I wasn’t BUT I could have BEEN.
Um no I don’t have one.
Because I don’t why, do you have a girl friend?
No I wasn’t implying you like women.
I did not say you were gay!!!
Listen lady YOU were the one that called me.
Yeah I know you only called to give me a gift.
So he will call me in ten minutes.

Why do I get the feeling I just got sucked in?
Twenty minute later the phone rings again.

Yes it is he.
So you are her manager, ok.
Yes, she said I won a prize but I don’t understand how, since I never entered a contest.
I see, I filled in a survey so you got my name and entered it for me out of the kindness of your heart.
So, what did I win?
What do you mean you can’t tell me?
What kind of a sick joke are you people playing here any way.
So you're saying this guy is going to drop it off and it’s worth $150.
Now your talking, MrH will be dancing a jig when he hears that.
Oh, he’s a friend of mine.
I don’t know if he did the fucken survey.
Ok Ok I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to swear.
What do you mean he has to show me an air purifier first?
Is that the gift?
You don’t an IPOD to keep Baby Blue company instead?
Oh, I don’t get the purifier.
No, Baby Blue didn’t do the survey either.
Well it sound like a sales pitch to me so I don’t think I want the gift.
I know I won it but maybe you can give it to a needy person.
I said I don’t want the fucken gift.
No I am not rude.
What do you mean she is crying?
Oh for fucks sake ok he can come.
His name is Chad, ok.
20 minutes, ok

Now I KNOW I have been sucked in.
I went from writing a post to talking to some smart-ass telemarketers.
What am I going to do with an air purifier?
I have been breathing polluted air for so long, clean air will probably kill me.

Forty minutes later the doorbell rang and this skinny kid who looked like a Chad was standing at my door.
He was about 20 holding a brief case and had a large box next to him.
Mr. Walker?
Toke ?
Um……… no I don’t do that.
You have nothing to worry about you brought the air purifier.
Ha Ha that’s funny.
I bet it is, you don’t mind if I do though do you?
No No, go ahead.
So Chad, what’s in the box, my gift?
No it’s the machine.
That’s when he pulled out the unit.
One look at it and I knew this air purifier probably did carpets as an extra function.
So Chad, that looks like a funny air purifier, especially with that big hole in the front of it or is that when you wrap your lips around for a quick blast?
Oh this is a vacuum.

So he went into his spiel and I sat there listening to him after all I was going to get a gift.
He started telling me that this vacuum worked even when it was almost full.

Cool, but does it do windows
No, but let me show you how it works full
He opened his bag and pulled out a bucket of white sand and poured it into the back where the dirt collects.
Then he turned it on and vacuumed the area around the living room while we watched the sand swirling around in the back through the see through cover.
Then he turned it off when he finished the area
So what do you think?
Do you carry ten pounds of sand in your briefcase all the time?
Uh…yes I do to show people how it works.
Well it's obvious you know everything there is to know about this air purifier.
Now tell me again why it’s an air purifier and not a vacuum?
He opened the front and showed me the 3 filters that clean the air, thus making it an air purifier. Duh why didn’t I know that?

So Chad, how much.
Well we have this great plan and we spread the payments over 48 months.
Un Oh, when they say 48 months it means you may have to mortgage the house.
No, just tell me how much.
Well let me show you the plan first
HOW MUCH!!!!!!!!!
Is that dollars or dimes?
Ha ha ha that’s funny.
I'm happy Chad is getting his entertainment needs met.
Maybe but not as funny as yours was.
I need a drink.
Why pay $2880 for a vacuum when I could get a Bissell for $100?
Yes but that only gets the surface dirt not what’s underneath.
I only see what on the top I never look under the carpet.
But you see the dust mites grow deep in the carpet eating all the dry skin that falls of your body. So you are not telling me that I am falling apart and dieing.
NO I mean the dead skin
So I have dead skin falling off of me and the mites are eating it.
Well that settles it then, the mites can eat what’s deep in the carpet and the Bissell can clean the top.
It's a win win situation they eat and my carpet is clean.
I wish my cats could live off of what was hiding in the carpet.
He sat there trying for get around my logic but before he could say anything I told him I couldn’t even if I wanted to because I bought a new computer.
Well I tell you what I could let you have the unit for $1400 and you don’t have to make a payment for 9 months.
After that it will only be 52 dollars a month.
I looked at him and smiled, I love math, that’s $2800 with tax.

I told him I couldn’t afford it because of the computer.
After he packed up then he called his boss and told him it was a no sale but before he left we talked computers and he saw mine sitting there in the corner and said he liked the new systems.
Then he saw my old 17 in monitor and said he only had a fifteen at home to use, so what could I do.
I felt bad for him a little.
You know, not selling me a vacuum for $2880 so I sold it to him for $50.
Saves me the trouble of throwing it out.
I would never pay 2800 for a vacuum and I don’t care if it gives head.

Have a nice day

Oh the prize was 3 days and 2 nights at a hotel in various cities that would cost me to get to.



patti_cake said...

Telemarketers... who needs em?
You are so much nicer than me Walker but I suspect you find entertainment in places others just don't look! :)

poet said...

great story, walker. i love reading. i agree with p_c's comment, you must find entertainment where others don't look, i like that. i try and do that whenever i can. thank goodness i am NOT a tlelmarketer. ( i receive inbound calls). have a nice day, too.

deni said...

For that kind of money it better push itself around the house.

And I just loved your 'free' gift, there is always a catch. Considering that if you don't buy the vacuum so called air filter(what a joke), you could pay for own trip. I wonder how many poor souls get suckered into these things.

hellbunny said...

I just hang up before they've even finished their speach.Its true what they say though that nothing in life if free.

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding me?!! Who will pay that much for that?!!

Great story Walker...Now, I can't stop laughing!


Walker said...

patti_cake : Sometimes I just hang up but if there is nothing to do and I feel like having some fun i do like to play :)

Walker said...

poet: Thanks I like having fun sometimes but I think the 2880 caught me of guard a bit

Walker said...

Deni: The free gift is a joke and a way tio get into your house to vacuum the living room LOL

Walker said...

hellbunny : I do to sometimes and you are right there is nothing for free out there.

Walker said...

Sarah: Alot of people would pay. I don't know why, maybe because they have more money that they deserve but I wouldn't even if i had a million.