blue moon (2)

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Here We Go Again ©

Well I did it again.
Man I stupid or what?
I have let a friend move in even though I suck at having roommates.
He asked to stay for three weeks until he heads off to the great white freezing fucken oils fields.
He is heading up with Mike for the last gold rush.
Black Gold, Alberta crude.
They are hiring lots of people out there and are paying them ridiculous wages.
I must say I was tempted to head out there with them but the Bond Girls said nope uh uh besides you don’t like toothless hookers.
I got news for them I don’t like hookers’ period but I must say toothless ones must be safer.
Now I have lived with him before so its not that we are treading on uncharted waters but the thing is I am accustomed to being alone.
The last time he lived with me he had come with these ideas that living with me would offer him opportunities he otherwise wouldn’t have the opportunity to experience.
The only problem was that he didn’t tell me what was rolling around in his head.

The first time he moved in was at a period of my life where I found myself alone for the first time in seventeen years.
I had been with the same girl/woman/mother of my kids from the age of sixteen and now there was a lot of pussy I wanted to catch up on and let me tell you I spent more on condoms than I did on tires for my car back then.
I don’t know what it was but I always had someone wanting to come home with me back then and to be honest I wasn’t complaining.
My friends used to see me with someone different every night or when they stopped by the house there was always one or two women there.
That was about the time I also worked at the brothel but even though I shied away from the call girls there, going out to the clubs at night was always fun because most of them went dancing after work and again I was never alone.
Not to mention my buds reaped the rewards because I can’t dance with five women at the same time so they spent the night trying to hustle the girls and danced with them.

So he believed that if he lived with me well….you know he may get lucky.
“So Walker, if there is a spare woman around you could toss your buddy some action right”?
If there is a woman lying around my house, I guarantee you she isn’t a spare.
I didn’t say anything to him but stored it away in the back of my head.

One night as I was walking up the stairs just after he had gone to bed I knocked on his door and asked him if he wanted some pussy for the night.
He was shocked, surprised and gleefully said YES.
So I tossed the cat on him and closed the door.
Imagine asking me to get him laid.
A couple of nights later the doorbell rang at two in the morning.
I answered the door and there was this woman standing at the door with one hell of a glow on.
Pissed to the gills she was.
I went up stairs and knocked on his door and asked him if he wanted some pussy.
He told me to take the cat and fuck off.
Do you people see what I have to go through?
I try to be nice and he insults me.
I bring forth the opportunity for him to get his Willy wet and he tells me to fuck off.
How’s that for gratitude for you?
Fine, I went back downstairs to me guest.
About an hour later he came thumping down the stairs to the sound of loud laughter and loud music.
He walked into the living room and I was sitting there with his girlfriend having one hell oh a good time talking about him.
He looked at her and asked her what she was doing here.
She told him she stopped by to be with him.
He just looked at me and I told him I woke him up and he told me to fuckoff so I did,
He went into a rant that I should have told him it was his girlfriend I was there for.
I told him he never gave me the chance so I left.
Taking her by the hand he pulled her upstairs.
You knew she has this cute little butterfly tattoo just above her nipple.

A couple of weeks later he came home and I was sitting on the couch with Diane watching jeopardy I think.
Now Diane had a big set of tits, DD and she weighed no more than 130 pounds.
If you saw her walking down the street you would swear there was a set of tits with legs walking towards you.
She was a country girl from Quebec with a thick French accent.
Anyhow we were watching TV when he got home and sat opposite us on the love chair as we were on the couch.
I was to busy watching the TV but she noticed something.
Buddy’s eyes were glue to her tits and she had this thing about men staring at her tits, except me of course.
She looked at him and asked him in English with this thick French accent
“You like my boobs”?
I now had turned my attention to them.
He just sat there staring at her tits hypnotized.
She was wearing a T-shirt that just went past her boobs.
She started passing her hands over her tits, fingered her hard nipples and asked him again.
“Do you like my boobs”?
His mouth started to move and he said, ”Yes”.
She slid her hands under her shirt and his eyes started to bulge.
She slowly pushed it up until it was now on top her tits almost revealing them.
I say almost because she had her hands still covering them.
Slowly she moved her hands away and started massaging them while he watched.
Would you like to play with them she purred?
“Oh yes”, he said
“Well to bad because they’re his” and she pulled her top down and plopped right down next to me again.
He muttered something under his breath and went to his room.
He moved out a short time later into his girlfriends place.
Something he should have done from the get go.
Spare woman Pffffffffft.

So now here we are fourteen years later and he is moving back in with me.
We are sitting in the living room with Mike and he asks me, “What about women”?
“Can I bring someone over”?
I told him it didn’t bother me none but I wasn’t washing his sheets.
“You’re not going to fuck them are you” he asked me?
Mike almost choked on his pizza, and was laughing so hard I was waiting to see pepperoni shoot out of his nose.
“What are you laughing at he said to Mike. I came down one night the last time and he was here with my girlfriend drunk and talking about me”.
“And she showed me her tattoo ”I said.
“WHAT!!? She showed you her tit ” he bellowed.
“No, just her tattoo”, I told him.
“It was right on her tit and she never wore a bra”.
“It’s ok” I said, “I only looked at the tattoo”.
Mike was almost on the floor laughing his butt off.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before”, he asked.
“You never asked” I told him.
“That’s it, from now on, I am always asking you questions about anything”.

So here I am, sitting here writing you about yet another houseguest.
Am I worried?
Do I feel displaced?
Maybe a little
But in the end I will make some money and I could buy some of the parts I need to build my new computer.
So then why am I bothering to write this post?


I’m drunk.

Have a nice day.



Miss Cellania said...

OK, what if you had asked him if he wanted some pussy and he said YES, and his girlfriend heard it, knowing he didn't know she was there? Things would have turned out much worse for him. I think you handled all this really well. Besides, you know he's leaving in three weeks.

Michael Manning said...

Toothless prostitutes!!!!! Are you sure you aren't in Cincinnati? LMAO!!!!!

Nan said...

My boyfriend works the oil fields here in Alberta. It really sucks in the winter when it's -50C up North. He'll hate it then. As for women, there are tones of young things looking to get their claws into a rig pig because it's their ticket out of the god forsaken small towns that they find themselves in. Tell him to be careful as most of them have STD's.

patti_cake said...

I thought I commented on this yesterday but I think blogger was being an ass. Good luck Walker, I was terrible with roomies in college. I do okay being married though (thank goodness) LOL