Oh Oh That Smell ©

The phone rang early in the morning.
Fumbling I grab the stupid thing but manage to knock everything off the night table not to mention squashing Emme (who is in her corner of the bed) to the point where her eyes are bulging and her tongue is hanging out the side of her mouth.
I answer the phone and it’s my mother and she wants to know if I smell anything.
I look at my clock
OMG its 10 am
I don’t like getting up before 12.
Bankers Hours
I told her I didn’t smell anything and hung up and went back to sleep.

I couldn’t get back to sleep and went downstairs and check my blog.
Don’t we all?
I open my 2 Msns, Yahoo, and Aim, not that I have a fucken choice they open on their own anyway.
Hmmmmm 79 emails
178,402,768 junk mail0
The phone rings again and its my mother asking me if I was sure I didn’t smell anything.
I told her no and hung up again.

Taking bottled water out of the fridge I went next door to my parents house.
We live side by side and share the center wall.
The kitchen look like a hurricane hit it.
“Do you smell that” my mother asked?
“Nope”
My father comes from the basement with the news that it smells more down there than it did upstairs.
Just then my brother came in with my niece.
The kid stopped dead in her tracks and looks down at her fathers feet then up at her father and told him his feet smelled.
“What the fuck stinks my brother asked”?
I told him I didn’t smell anything.
My mother told him my nose was dead.
He went down with my father and started moving freezers around to see if anything had fallen out and in the back of them but they found nothing.
The SIL walked in all decked out in leather.
She just got a new bike and was going for a ride.
She made a funny face that resembled her daughter’s not half an hour earlier and asked what stunk.
I told her I had no idea what they were all talking about.
They started looking in the cupboards to see if something had broken and started to spoil or rot but again they were fruitless to find as far as I was concerted, a none existent odor.

After a bit I got up and went to the door, as I got there my brother asked me again if I smelled anything and I said no, maybe it was something that the wind blew in and left.
I walked into my house and went straight to the basement.
I sat on the second to last step and stared at the center of the basement.
“What the fuck am I going to do with you”?
Sitting in the center of my basement floor were two small empty wooden barrels.
The used to contain cheese and MAN did they FUCKEN SMELLLLLLLL!!!
FUCK
It was painful sitting 4 feet away from them

Yesterday someone offered them to me that works at a store across the street.
I figured they were small and if I clean, sand, stain them that they would make great plant stands.
I washed them once in the back yard and that didn’t do anything so I went in and got a bottle of Pine sol and pour half in each one and scrubbed the shit out of them.
Rinsed them out and let them dry for a couple of hours.
I went to get them later and WHOOOOOOOOOA!!!!!
No one needed to tell me where that smell was coming from.
So I decided to bring them in the house and use hot water and pine sol.
In the basement I went through the same routine I did outside but with hot water this time.
I left them downstairs to dry this time.
As I was sitting at my computer Emme starts going at my ankles with her teeth and fucken hard to.
I shove her aside but there’s no way she is stopping.
She just kept coming at me aggressively.
Then Frick is on the desk looking at me funny.
Fuck it was beginning to look like a Steven King novel.
Then I smelled my t-shirt and almost passed out.
It smelled hike the barrels, so I took it off and tossed it to the floor and both cats jumped at it.
WTF am I going to do with these stupid barrels I have no idea but I do know one thing, the only thing that will get that smell out of those barrels is fire and I mean burn the things.
I have washed them with stuff that would take the paint off a fucken car.


RING!!!!!!!!!
Hello?

No, I can’t smell a thing.

Walker