blue moon (2)

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Moron ©

Have you ever met the stupidest person in the world, a complete and utter moron?
Well stick around and I will introduce you to him.
Dumbest fuck ever.
This idiot never learns he walks into tiger traps the size of a football field with a lit sign flashing.
He keeps falling into the same trap, now that is even WORSE.

One time while working for this cleaning company his manager talked him into using a new cleanser to strip a terrazzo floor.
Terrazzo is stone and a bitch to clean and they had to do the courthouse on the weekend.
Now his manager had a problem, he had ideas.
This was a person who should never think of anything but breathing because that’s the only think he does right.
He went to this chemical company and ordered all this terrazzo solvent and mixed it with soap.
His idea was that the solvent would soften the terrazzo and the soap would clean it.
His ideas never PANNED out but you got to admit, it did sound good.
So our hero, the moron deduced that maybe his boss will finally break that streak and get it right for a changed and agreed.

Saturday came quick and the crew was ready.
There was a security guard at the front door making sure no one came in.
They filled buckets of the mixture and spread it all over the floors and I mean all over the place room after room and hallways.
The idea was to let it soak in.
He was the one on the machine that scrubbed the floor after and the rest behind me mopped in up.
With two guys wearing gloves scrubbing the baseboards.
After about 30 minutes of letting the floor soak he started the scrubber.
The stuff was really slippery and found myself using the machine for balance.
When he ran out of cord he turned to go unplug it and bring it forward he noticed these blue spots on the floor.
Just then one of the guys that were doing the baseboards by hand came over and showed him his rubber glove and the fingers fell off of it.
He walked back to where we had a five-gallon pail of the solvent and took a Styrofoam cup and put some on the floor because the stuff went right through the cup.
Taking the pail he started reading the side and instructions.
It was corrosive, toxic and extremely flammable.
He turned to go to the others and his shoes were sticking to the dry floor.
The blue spots, those were his running shoes dissolving.
Going to the hallway he call everyone one to the front.
One of the guys walking towards him put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it.
Then as they all did he tossed the lit match in the water on the floor.
The flames rose from the ground like a furnace had been lit and not everywhere.
There were patches that were not on fire but it still raced up the hallway.
It was between 3 of them and the door and all the extinguishers were at he front desk so they wouldn’t be in the way.
They yelled at the guard to throw some down through the flames but the guy was freaking out with the flames screaming FIRE in French.
Someone else tossed them some extinguishers through the flames and they snuck through.
Has anyone seen how fast a very old building filled with paper and chemicals on the floor burns?
The fire department came fast but the place was lost.
The way I see it was the moron’s fault for not reading the label first and listening to his boss.
That was his crew and his responsibility.
The worse part was it delayed 236 couples from getting divorced.

Another time his brother and father talked him into helping renovate that back end of both houses and he agreed because they said they would help.
He ended up doing 70% of the work.
This wasn’t the first time.
Then he got sucked into building a shed outside only having to rebuild it after his father decided he wanted a bigger snow blower 3 years later.
He never, EVER learns.
Less that two weeks before my bbq and they talked me into building 12x12 deck that will attach to the existing deck but leaving enough room for the front end of the car to drive under.
HOLD ON, there is more.
This is my mother and my brother scheming, my father refuses to buckle on the idea and it’s a firm NO.
Why do I get the feeling that I am going to be in a lot of trouble?

Go ahead call me a moron
I’ll thank you.

You know, I always wondered if any of those couples ever changed their minds in the time they had to wait and if are they still together.
You never know what can happen.
It’s Fate Baby


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