Spare Post Parts ©

Why is it when you are drunk, you can’t remember anything but when you sober up, you remember everything again but can’t remember jack shit of being drunk and what you did.
Then when you look out the window at the S.W.A.T. team setting up you wonder why.
Perplexed you turn to walk to the kitchen but trip over the new coffee table the girl friend bought to match the couch and the love chair.
Damn, the carpet is new too.
This is going to cost me I can tell right now just by looking at it.
Staggering to the kitchen for some coffee I get slammed back a step.
OMG she painted the kitchen canary yellow.
The kitchen looked clean and neat but YELLOW!
Where are my sunglasses, my eyes are hurting.
I open cupboard after cupboard and I can’t find the fucken coffee anywhere.
She must have moved everything around I guessed because she was painting the cupboards.
Walking out the back door and to the community parking lot for some air and a smoke I walked to my car to make sure I locked the doors when the EX called from back porch telling me to get back inside.
Staggering a bit I managed to focus again and followed her back into the house.
As I walked in the whole house spun a little everything was it was the day before when I left.
The kitchen was white, the sink full and counter messy.
As I walked into the living room I saw my old couch and my lazy boy chair.
Wow this is one hell of a hang over.
She was at the window staring outside at the commotion.
I asked her what was going on and she informed me that sometime last night someone broke into the neighbor’s house and they think he may still be there……….

The phone rang one day and on the other end was a frantic mother.
It seems like someone stole the old mans car and now their whole life was over because they would never be able to leave the mall and would die there like those homeless people begging for money on the street.
So is this a goodbye call, or a come bet me call?
She told me to come and get them from the mall.
As I was pulling into the mall parking lot I swear I saw my fathers car so I went around and sure enough there was the car.
Driving to where they were I got out and walked up to my father.
The cop was in the cruiser.
I told him I found the car on the level below.
They were both staring at me with blank looks on their face.
It seems that they park in the same place they do when ever they go to this mall but today there was no parking and they had to park somewhere else.
So says my mother.
Now my father being the stubborn never WRONG person that he is started insisting that NO they parked there and someone stole the car and parked it up there and that’s what he wants me to tell the cop.
YEAH RIGHT!
I have had to come up with some whoppers to tell the cops in the past but no fucken way I was going to tell them that someone stole the car just to park it some where else so my father won’t look like he forgot where he parked it.
I told them that I was going to tell them the truth.
They flipped saying that there would put them in jail.
You see this is what happens when people who can barely get by speaking English watch too much Judge Judy.
When the cop came back I told him about it and we laughed at the story my father wanted me to say, oh yeah I told on him LOL.

Before I close this post I would like to direct you over to Tammi in Texas who is going in for surgery and I am sure some well wishes would go a long way in her getting well faster.

Todays song by ZZ Top is how my head feels like today after this weekend "My Heads In Mississippi?.

Have a nice Day.

Walker