A Dream To Be Or Not To Be ©

While I was away, M and I were reading my comments and one started a conversation about something that happened to us years ago.

Hi Walker! Are you going to Nepal by any chance? If you are, then I am sure that we will meet there.I am going there...that is if I am alive.Have a nice time man.When you come back, we will have a ball and talk about spanking a butt or two.jac

Well Jac I had my chance once in the eighties to go to Nepal.
I was supposed to go to Nepal but not as a tourist but on business.
Back then we were in deep selling pot and hash but were paying more than we needed to from our suppliers, so many of the guys decided maybe we should expand and go buy from the source thus eliminating the middle man.
It would also mean a 1000% profit.
On paper it all looked great and the possible win fall was inviting.
I have never been a trusting person when it involved crime and my money especially when I worked hard to make it and took to many risks to just give it to someone and watch him walk away with it.
One of the guys, D had just got a big insurance payoff of about $100,000 and was going to invest it all and in fact he was one of the guys going.
He was in an accident at work and had his shoulder torn off and had many surgeries to get it fixed.
I was supposed to go to but I decided against it.
Besides having to many responsibilities here I didn’t feel right about this.
I never liked being out of my element, away from the people I trusted and going to someone else’s turf to do business gives me the creeps.
To many surprises can happen.
True, it was fun and exciting talking and planning it but I saw it as the real thing and not as a fun trip.
Someone else took my place and for the next 2 months they were planning this trip to Nepal to buy some rope hash, some of the best hash in the world at pennies a gram and you could sell it for $7 wholesale here.
Sounded great.
Everyone was excited about the upcoming venture or should I say adventure.
The weekend before they left we threw a big party at my place for them and everyone showed up for the festivities.
It was one hell of a blast with loud music, booze and drugs.
Three days later we dropped them off at the airport and told them we will see them in a month.
It was like when I was a kid sitting at the park with the other kids talking about what we were going to do and where we were going to go when we grew up.
I wanted to be an astronaut; I didn’t know drug dealer was an option.
We would all say what we would do when we grew up and moved from the neighborhood and what adventures we would have.
Little did we know then that we were in the middle of one called life.
We were all going to get married and buy houses in the same area so we would always be friends and our kids could play together like we did.
Life when you are a kid is so……easy.
Many never got to be fathers or leave the neighborhood.
Most never got to be what the dreamed of being but had to settle for what life had to give them.
I have left but come back to the old neighborhood.
I’m here now.
I know I will leave here one day but I will always come back to see it and to visit the memories that have made my life what it is today.
M and I talked about those times as kids and how he and P used to spend so much time together.
P showed up one night while I was there.
He had moved there to get away from the temptations here only to find the same ones there and the trouble that came with them.
He was one of the reason I was there.
The main reason was to bring M back home.
M was there for 12 years and after getting divorced he wanted to come back to be with his friends and family.
When M left here it was to get away from all of the shit we got into.
He became a millwright and makes great money and it was all legal.
I am proud of M.
M is not only my best friend he is also my first cousin.
He is also the one who found me dead and got me to the hospital so they could bring me back.
P had a dream of opening his own garage and we helped him achieve it but he fucked up.
He couldn’t leave the past alone and he paid for it over and over.
He lost the garage and all the money because he still wanted the drugs more than his dream.
Then got busted time and time again and spent years in jail.
They tried to deport him on several occasions but there is no record of his existence anywhere so they are stuck with him.
To bad they failed.
He has been my friend for over 33 years and I have had enough.
He is a fuck up and I went to tell him to his face.
M asked me to leave him alone but fuck it, someone had to say it and I did and I severed all ties with him.
I refuse to help someone who doesn’t want to help himself.
At one stage he got into my face because I didn’t understand what his life was like.
Let’s see.
He make two grand a month.
Beats his GF.
He gets evicted from every place he lives because he never pays the rent past the first month and drags it through court for months so he can save money to buy drugs.
Then when he gets busted and needs bail so he calls for help and after the case, uses the bail money that doesn’t belong to him to have a good time.
So, yes I understand a lot.
He’s a fuck up.
I so wanted to pop his teeth out, M was just waiting for it.
The sad thing about all of this is that if the fucker got into serious trouble I would probably still help him.
Jac, I would never got to Nepal because it holds to many sad memories.
It looks like a beautiful country with the high mountains on television and in books.
One day D’s brother came by to tell us that authorities found their bullet riddled bodies in a field.
There was no money and no hash.
I guess it wasn’t such a good deal after all but it was an adventure.

What did you want to be when you grew up and did you find your dream?

Walker