blue moon (2)

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

IPOD Love ©

Have I said how much I love my new IPOD?
Someone said boys and their toys to me today.
I only use it to listen to music to but………I just love it.
There are so many features that I haven’t even figured out yet but there is one that’s not even in the manual.
It’s a bonus feature.
I can’t hear anything my parents say to me when I’m wearing it.
I just look at them and I could see their lips moving and their hands waving around to the tunes of AC/DC “For Those About To Rock” but I hear nothing they’re saying.
But you see you have to understand, they don’t know I am wearing the thing because my hat covers enough of the earpiece to conceal it.
But they could hear me.
“Hey the dinner had too much salt in it and garlic”.
My father’s lips go into high speed, eyes bulging hands flaying around like the robot from Lost in Space.
Sarah McLaughlin is singing “Building a Mystery” like some of the food he conjures up.
Sure tell a chef his cooking sucked. lol

In the yard when I went to my parent’s place I noticed my father had pulled out his tools.
That’s a bad thing.
He knows nothing about building.
He was out there one morning with all the wood he could find to nail and did just that.
I have no idea what he was building and when I asked him he said he will tell us what he was building when he was done.
I think he was trying to figure out what it was he was building.
Don’t get me wrong my father means well, it’s just that some people should not be allowed to own tools.
Like this one time.
The phone rang one day and when I answered it all I heard was a whisper.
I said WHAT?!!!!!!!
The whisper got louder but I still couldn’t hear anything.
The in a loud clear voice my mother says “Your father is trying to fix the sink”.
She didn’t want him to hear her calling me over.
I got there 20 minutes later because I was dreading going next door because I know who will have to do the plumbing.
I came in and sat down and started talking to my mother.
My father was trying to open the pipe with his monkey wrench.
He was cussing up something fierce.
He looked at me and said he will have to cut it.
I suggested he should be turning it the other way to undo it.
It works better.
He just looked at me and tried and it just came loose nice and simple.
That’s when MOM jumps in to pour some vinegar on the wound.
But that’s my parents after 49 years of marriage.

Today was different he was out there making a door for his small snow blower fleet shed.
Yes he has a fleet of snow blowers.
Three to be exact
My brother buys anything that’s on sale and sucks my father into it too.
One yard 3 blowers
I had work of my own so I went in to install 2 smoke detectors and hang a small chandelier fixture in my hallway.
While up the ladder the phone rings and I get called outside.
My father wants me to measure the door so he could cut it.
I offered to cut it but he said no he could do it.
Ok fine I come inside and climb back up the ladder.
I remove the light fixture that was there and start getting ready to install the new one.
The phone rings.
It’s my mother and my father wants me outside again.
I get out there and there is my father next to a flat door on two sawhorses and the saw is stuck part way into it and he can’t get it out.
He has this old power saw that couldn’t cut its way through a sheet of paper.
I manage to get it out and offered to get him my saw.
I get it and try to finish the cut for him but he say NO, he can do it.

I climb up the ladder with the new fixture this time.
I put it through the hole and tie a knot in the wire so if it slips it won’t fall to the floor.
The FUCKEN phone rings, I turn and the ladder shifts and starts falling on its side so I reach out to grab something and I grab the light fixture.
Me, the fixture and a part of the ceiling bounce off the floor.
Glass shattering all over the place and I got a slash on my wrist right where you don’t want to see a cut that deep.
For the next 30 seconds I just stared at the wrist to see if it’s going to be a trickle or a gusher and a hospital ride.
Luckily it didn’t cut a quarter inch to the left.
If I keep wasting my luck on stuff like this I will never win the lottery.
The phone by now had stopped ringing but a quick check after I patched myself up proved to me my parent’s house again.
I go outside where they immediately noticed all the blood.
I explained what had happened and my father so kindly reminded me that I was clumsy.
Do I need to tell you what I was thinking after that remark?
Then I look at the door.
I had drawn a straight line and he cut it on such and angle one end on the door was an inch and a half longer.
What happened I asked?
It seems my saw is no good; it turns to fast and goes crooked,
Some people should just NOT touch tools I tell you.
I sent him in the house and re cut the door straight and then cut a piece of wood for a top plate to makeup for the extra inch he cut off and then hung up the door.
He came out swung the door back and forward and said he could have done it hand it not been for my defective saw.

I came in and inspected the damaged fixture.
Spacing some of the glass icicles to hide the broken ones
After all that was done and hung it I went and placed the new smoke detectors where they are supposed to go according to the fire department.
When all this was done I sat down.
That’s when the phone rang…….To be continued

I thought I would give you a break and split it in three.

Have a nice day


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