blue moon (2)

Monday, January 09, 2006

Lost In A Sigh ©

Sit back and let me fuck with your heads a little bit.
I have watched a couple of movies (Forrest Gump, Passionada, and The Terminal) lately and they have triggered some thoughts.

Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is?
I know I have and I think I may know what part of it might be.
Little girls are told their purpose in life is to have babies.
Little boys are told their purpose in life is to raise a family.
Their government says life is about love of country.
Religion says it’s all about loving your god.
But is that true?
I don’t think it is.
It can’t be.
It can’t be for the reason that when our kids grow up they leave to begin their own lives.
Governments change and religion never changes.
That leaves us with the rest of ours to live, but to what end and for what purpose.

Do we lie down and wait to die?
Or do we keep searching for that one purpose that we were meant to do that was interrupted by us raising a family.

Many people immerse themselves in their work and get lost in time only to wake up one day when they are old and think back to what they have accomplished and then wonder…
“Is that all that I was to do”?
“Is there nothing more to life”?

I find myself many times looking at the world and thinking “What the fuck is everyone doing”?
“Why are they doing that”?
There’re times when I want to be president of the world so I can fire the whole fucken lot of them, because….
Is it just me?
Should my purpose be to rule the world?
Have I lost my mind?
Maybe I have.

I sit here in a house on a hill with the wind whistling through the cracks in the middle of paradise thinking, what IS my purpose?
It’s not about love and family because we have that and we crave it.
It’s not about work and money because that’s just a product for our survival.
We struggle at work to accumulate inanimate objects to clutter our lives with.
Are these things to show that we have accomplished something?
Is that our purpose?

I remember when Mad Dog turned 32.
For as long as I knew him, he had always said that he would never see 33.
He said to me that he was pleased to have known me and it’s too bad that we couldn’t spend many more years together.
Did he know something that the rest of us didn’t?
Had he already accomplished his purpose in life?
Was his demise his purpose in life thus saving a life he may have taken had he lived?
Or was it the 3 people that lived because of his organs that were donated to them so that they may live?
How did he know he would be murdered 18 days after his birthday, 12 years before it happened?

I saw a movie the other day and a woman spent 30 years of her life a widow because she lost her husband and she loved him so much that she never looked at another man again.
Was her suffering and loneliness her purpose in life?
Would her dead husband have approved?

I know people who are better off than I am, rich, better educated with powerful jobs that change the way people live, who call me up and ask me for advice.
They call my mother’s house looking for me when I am not home.
Women call me to cry and complain about their husbands.
Men call me to complain about their wives.
Was my purpose in life to be a barber or bartender?

What are we meant to be…..?

What are we meant to do…..?

Do we search for a purpose?

Do we wait?

What is my purpose?

What is yours?

Do we ever find it?

Does it exist?


Forrest said “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you get until you bit into it”.
Well they fucked that saying up when they put that paper in telling you what they are.

I think I will read for a change.


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