blue moon (2)

Friday, December 02, 2005

I GOT MAIL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ©

I got my first Xmas card today.
It came via Canada Goose from British Columbia.
Thank you Susan from A Thousand Wordsworth; formally known as Oopsydaisy for the lovely card.
Yes Susan I know what you mean when you say its hard calling me by my real first name.
When my mother calls me over I don’t even hear her any more, but when my mother takes my niece and says she is going to walk her to the park I am all ears. LOL

I went over to Archie’s place today for a quick visit.
Nothing planned I just needed some air and stopped by.
The minute I got in the door the man was a blubbering mess.
Just imagine this 400 pound wall of a man who sends fear through most men balling his ass off.
It seems my card arrived at his place 2 days after I mailed it.
It’s the first one he has ever had.
After I managed to peel him off of me, he sat there reading it to me.
I told him he didn’t have to because I DID write the damn thing but nooooooooo he had to read it.
As he is reading it, he stops.
He gets out his special glasses, the ones that magnify everything by a million.
He looks carefully and says” you forgot an “e”.
“You forgot an “e”.
“Ok, so I for got an E, big deal”
“But it is a big deal. It’s wrong”
“Oh for fucks sake” I grab the card and put in the “e” and hand it back. “There, are you happy now”
“Well it’s right now but it’s not the same. You sent it to me with a mistake”
“So what the hell do you want me to do, mail it to you again”?
“Could you, I promise to pretend it’s a surprise again”
“Like fuck I am going to mail it to you again. You must be nuts”
The man is a 58 year old bruiser and he was sitting there pouting for fucks sake.
We sat there talking for about 20 minutes and I got up and left.
No sooner than I get in the door and that’s 10 minute after I left his place, the phone rings.
“You are going to send it right”?
I am going to walk over tomorrow and stick it in his mailbox in the morning.
The man can be a pain.

Needless to say I am in a great mood today.
Everything is going great.
I am excited.
Lisa is excited.
80% of my bag is packed and I ordered $500 in New Zealand money yesterday which I pick up tomorrow. I may need some cash outside of the traveler’s cheques I am getting.
Besides it may be days before I get to out of the house after I get there.
I bought a suitcase yesterday and a bottle on Butter Scotch Ripple for Lisa.
They don’t sell it there.
Tomorrow I’m going out to get what’s left that I need and finish packing.
This way I have 23 days to remember what I forgot.
Ok I am a bit ahead of time but that’s the way I do things.
Before I go here is something that happened at the bank yesterday.
I man had come in to withdraw some money and the teller said she couldn't help him
He then started getting irate with her and raising his voice so everyone in like could here him and he wouldn't let the teller say a word.
He told her he had plenty of money and was going to close his account because of the incompitence of the bankand the lack of service.
The teller told him that if he didn't like the service he was getting at his bank he should storm across the street to his bank and close his account and bring it to them, because he was at the wrong bank.
He looked down at his bank card then around the room.
His head bent down he said he was sorry and left.
Hows that for egg on the face.

Until tomorrow, enjoy the jokes and have a nice weekend.


Fridays Jokes

Polish Sausage

A man goes into a store and tells the clerk,
"I'd like some Polish sausage."

The clerk looks at him and says,
"Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says,
"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?

Would ya, huh? Would ya?"

The clerk says, "Well, no."

"And if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

" Well, I probably wouldn't."

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says,

"Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"

The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot


A man and his friend were hunting deer in rural
Missouri near a blacktop highway.

A huge buck walked by and the hunter carefully drew his bow
and took careful aim.

Before he could release his arrow, his friend alerted
him to a funeral procession passing on the road
below their stand.

The hunter slowly let off the pressure on his bow,
took off his hat, bowed his head and closed his
eyes in prayer.

His friend was amazed.
"Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen.
You are the kindest man I have ever known."

The hunter shrugged.
"Yeah, well, we were married for 49 years."

Man Of The House

The husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'.
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said,
"From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!
I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating mymeal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.
Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax.
And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb myhair?"
His wife replied,
"The freaking funeral director would be my guess.

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