blue moon (2)

Monday, November 21, 2005

ZEUS vs E.T. ©

Today is Friday.
Your sitting there going WTF are you talking about Walker?
Well today is Friday and there is nothing you can say or do about it and that’s a fact of life.
I woke up today and I wasn’t in the same sweaty condition I was in yesterday, which was Thursday BTW.
I managed to sleep for 7 hours before Archie phoned and woke me up to remind me that I was to be there to do the football picks.
I told him I would be there after I had lunch and he flipped saying I didn’t need food and to be there in 10 minutes.
I’m in bed wearing a track suit and covered with 2 heavy blankets and a comforter and he thinks I’m going to jump out of bed and run to his place in 10 minutes.
I said yes to him and went for lunch at my mothers.
Now this morning(1pm BTW)when I got out of bed and went to the door to check the mail, the cold air hit me like a bomb sending me back in the house so fast the door had whiplash.
It was -15c without the chill factor, shit it was summer yesterday wasn’t it?
So I had to get warm because I didn’t want to get any sicker.
When I hit the door I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, a hoody, a baseball cap with the hood over it, a pair of linesman leather wool mitts and a wool 8 foot scarf wrapped around my entire head.
People were running across to the other sidewalk as I approached them.
I got 2 blocks and I was getting cold still.
There was a draft coming in and I was looking for it now on the corner 2 blocks away from home.
The jacket was ok and everything else was fine but wait, yup there it was.
I was flying low, that’s where the draft was coming from.
You know how hard it is to pull your zipper up with mitts on.
I removed the mitts and I was now tugging on the stuck zipper on the corner and people were driving by and staring.
I guess it didn’t help having a hooker on the opposite corner while I was doing this.
I got to Archie’s just as the rest of the guys were leaving. They had been there all morning drinking moonshine and smoking pot.
Archie was feeling no pain and that’s a fact.
He passed me a glass of licorice flavored rot gut and a shot of water to soften it up which only gives it a milky color and could still remove hair from any body part it falls on.
Take note ladies, a “Neet” replacement and the guys in your lives would get drunk licking your legs. But I’d keep it away from you know where or you’ll be singing something fierce.
I thanked him and pulled out the football sheets
We did our picks and he sat back and looked at me through his bloodshot eyes and says,
“That Tsipoura (Moon shine) is from MT Olympus.
“George brought it back”.
“He lives in a Village half way up the mountain”
“Well then Archie this isn’t really from Mt Olympus now is it.
“It’s actually from half way up Mt Olympus”.
I should have just shut up but I love brain fucking stoned people.
He sat there for about 30 seconds pondering what I said.
“It’s the same thing Man”.
“The whole mountain is Mt Olympus”.
“Really, well see we do learn things everyday”.
“So does Hercules still live up there with the other Gods
“No they left thousands of years ago and went to another planet”
“Say that again”.

“Yeah Man, the Greek gods were aliens”
I pick up my glass and start smelling the contents. I‘ve had a couple of sips and was now getting worried.
“How much of this stuff did you drink”?
He held up an empty 1.5 L plastic water bottle in his hand.
“But I’m not drunk”.
I push the glass slowly away from me.
“So why do you say the Greek Gods were aliens”?
“All Greeks know that, but if we tell people they might think we are crazy; besides the stories were good so why fuck it all up”.
“The tourists love it”.
With the glass now a foot and a half away from me, ensuring that no toxic fumes would reach me, I was now started edging my chair closer to the door.
“You know the stories where Zeus stood on top of the mountain and threw down lightning bolts from the skies crashing down on the earth below causing earthquakes and all those big holes like the Grand Canyon”?
“Ah yes, I heard something like that, some place, once along time ago”.
“I think”.
“Well those were aliens”
“Yes, there was an alien shooting from the top of the mountain with a laser gun”.
“Hey Arch it’s getting hot, can I open the door for some fresh air.”?
“Yeah sure, I’m getting hot too”.
“I bet.”
“I said I bet your getting hot”.
“And Pegasus, he wasn’t a flying horse. It was a motorcycle that flew through the air, like in Star Wars”
“Well Archie I am having a hard time believing that”
“Do you think the Greeks were smart enough to figure out all these mathematical equations by themselves”?
“No the aliens taught them how to do it because they were their slaves and the Greeks built all this stuff for the aliens and when the aliens left they told everyone that they figured it out by themselves”.
“How come I never heard of this before”?
“It’s because you were born here”.
“You have to be born in Greece to be trusted with that secret”.
“We have kept it secret for thousands of years and tell no one”
“But you just told me”.
Archie went silent for about 30 second and came back with,
“Walker, you have to swear to tell no one. If they found out I told you, they will kill me”.
“Who will kill you”?
“Just swear to me, it doesn’t matter who they are”.
“Ok, Fuck You".
"No, swear not to tell anyone that the Greek Mythical Gods were actually aliens”.
"Ok, I won't tell anyone".
Mainly because I don't want to find myself in a rubber room.
“Thank you”.
“So, what did they look like”?
“You know; the aliens that I know nothing about”.
“I don’t know, like aliens I guess”.
“How come you don’t know what they look like but you know about them?”
“Do they look like the ones on Predator”?
“I don’t know, my mother never told me”.
“It was a secret”.
Now that’s great a secret about the secret aliens pretending to be Greek Gods.
Now you ALL know where Greek Mythology comes from.
From the bottom of a bottle of Tsipoura.
“Well Arch, it’s been fun but I do have to go and put these picks in, so good luck and I’ll see you Sunday”
I was out the door so fast I don’t even know what he answered.
All the way to the bar, all I could think of is, Alf on top of MT Olympus with a laser gun shooting cats for dinner.

And that is my Friday afternoon.
I think I’ll post this on Monday though.
So have a nice weekend, well you probably did.


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