blue moon (2)

Friday, November 18, 2005

Pea Soup ©

What to write, where to start, should I write?
First I am sick.
I got the flu I think, so much for the flu shot.
Add that to the arm which is killing me still and I want to divorce it from my body.
I have had little sleep and a friend told me Wednesday I look like crap. Bags under the eyes and all. I think I have slept 20 hours all week.
It’s been a busy week.
I had to take my mom for a cat scan on Tuesday; it’s a follow up to her cancer treatment.
I moved 2000 hard cover books and the books shelves upstairs to make room down stairs.
Then I moved the 800 movies from one side of the room to the other and voila a colony of dust bunnies attacked me from out of no where.
After a running battle with said dust bunnies with a broom and a dust pan at the end of which I looked like fuzzy bear I had to clean the mess I made upstairs while moving the books.
I have to clean the house before I leave so that I won’t have to do it when I get back, there will probably be a new mess from the people staying here to watch my cats.
Yes, let’s speak of the cats’ in particular one cat.
The one called Emme who is 17 years old and is a fat little pork chop and a runt which makes her look like a tabby colored volley ball.
This cat is so fat she falls just thinking of jumping so I have to pick her up and put her on the foot stool, on the bed, carry her upstairs because her legs are so short she takes for ever to get there and is dead tired when she gets to the top.
This is the cat I want to talk about my sweet little Emme who I caught today flying through the air like a kite and getting on the foot stool without any help from me.
The little bitch has been playing me for a patsy all these years.
Arg sucked in by a cat, no wonder people can take advantage of me; look how easy it is for a cat to do it.
That’s it no more free rides, climb your own steps. Pffffffft.
I have been having problems with me TV as well.
Well just one problem really, it’s broken.
It’s been broken now for 3 months and I am going nuts because I find myself at the computer for hours and hours and hours ……….
I have been downloading my favorite programs such as LOST and the Stargates to watch here.
I have been sitting here so much I have broken computer chair number 3 in the last year and a half and this one was a The Cadillac of computer chairs.
My friends have jumped to the rescue by offering me a 32 inch Sony, a couple of 21 inch units and one person offered to get me 40 inch plasma.
The thing is I have 6 TVs now and I only watch the 40 inch projection TV because it is in my TV room and its more comfortable watching it there.
I have a 29 inch Sony in the bed room but I have to lie on my side to watch and everything looks funny that way and the arm hurts so much so it’s a nuisance.
I called a repair company today and they told me they would send someone to pick it up and they would check it for free and tell me what it needed. Great I thought and made the appointment.
Now after I hung up and in a feverish stupor I recalled the problems Lisa had with her TV and what the guy said to her.
They picked it up for free and checked it for free and then told her it was fucked and needed $500 to repair.
When she said she wouldn’t fix it and would pick it up they said she would have to pay for the evaluation or the check to see what was wrong.
Now I smell a scam if you ask me but they way the cats been treating me you can’t blame me much.
So I envisioned them picking it up and telling me some ridiculous price and when I say no bring it back they could say
A. come and get it, which would mean finding someone with a truck and to help me pick up a 400 pound TV
B. Pay us $200 for looking at it.
Who need drugs when you’re running a fever I can freak myself out.
I called them up and cancel.
I’ll find someone who will fix it here.
Now tomorrow I have to go over to Archie’s to do our football picks and the walk a mile and back to drop them off. I’m really looking forward to this.
So that was a piece of my week.
Was if special, nope.
Was it productive, a bit.
Will I remember it for ever, not if the Nyquil has anything to say about it, it won’t.
I’m going to go play some backgammon now and see if I could frustrate someone else for the next 10 hours, you see I fell asleep at 10 am or should I say I passed out and woke up at 8 pm which means sleep is out of the question for me today.

I’d like to thank the people who asked for Xmas cards and that there are plenty left for those who want one. Just email me your addy at I'm gonna give the posty a sore back LOL

I’ll skip the Jokes for tonight and post them tomorrow, give me something to post.
Oh wait maybe just one for those of you who blog from work.

Four Tops Jokes Of 2005

Number 4
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as yourelbow,I'm in room 221."

Number 3
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband startsrubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey,I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls backover and taps his wife again.
"Do you have a dentistappointment tomorrow too?"

Number 2
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a numberof years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had aterrible compulsion He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed toovercome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at oncethat something was seriously wrong.
"What'swrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, youdidn't!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."

Number 1
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know,"the old man said "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
I wouldn't be surprised," repliedGramps.
"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

Have a Nice Weekend


1 comment:

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