blue moon (2)

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Blue Jean Blues ©

The other day I had the pleasure of going to with my father to make a payment at Sears. While I was there I noticed that they had Levis jeans on sale so I wandered over to see if I could find something for me.
Do you know I remember the first pair of Levis I bought?
Yup the first pair I bought was when I was 14 years old.
My parents would never buy me a pair because they were expensive.
I did try thought.
Hey dad can I have these jeans.
He would walk over and never ever look to see if they were nice or made well, he would look straight at the price first.
Are you crazy, I’m not buying you a $12 pair of jeans?
You’re getting these ones.
But those are for girls, I’m not wearing them.
They look just like the other ones and they are on sale.
But the zipper is in the back!!!!!!!!
No one will notice.
In their defense my parents made about $50 a week so $12 was a lot of money.
At the age of 14 I had my own job and even though I helped with the bills I still managed to squirrel some money away, to get my jeans.
I remember wearing them for the first time and strutting around like Peacock.
I stood all day, not because I didn’t want to dirty them but because the fucken things were so stiff and tight, I couldn’t bend down. Not to mention they squashed the shit out of my balls. They were so tight around the crotch I looked like I had a set of stones between my legs that you could bowl with.
Next time you see a guy with tight jeans on take a sneak peak at his crotch and I bet you’ll say “wow look at the balls on that guy
Not true.
It’s the balloon effect.
What’s that you say?
You know when you take an inflated balloon and squeeze one end and the other end gets big. It’s the same thing with the jeans.
They squash your ass so much they inflate your balls and you look like you’re hung like a horse.
Then you got to go to the washroom.
Have you ever notice that after you have been wearing them for awhile your body seems to meld with them like a second skin that is until you hit the can and you open them?
Your ass is so happy to be free it’s swells to twice the size that it was before you put the damn things on and now you’re in the stall and the pants are NOT going on.
You tug this way and that and still they don’t want to pull up.
You tighten your butt hoping that you can make it small enough, but nope. Then you get anxious and go nuts and all the other guys in the washroom are wondering what the fuck your doing in there.
Nothing doing the pants are stuck at your thighs and your butt in going neener neener.
I need lubrication and quick, but where do I get it.
The only thing in the stall was water.
15 minutes later I emerge from the washroom and my girlfriend is there waiting with Philip and his girlfriend.
We walk away and Phil says, “Hey Walker why’s your butt all wet”?
Shut Up.

Then came the different designer jeans with the funky pleats, studs and faded jeans. They cost about the same 20 bucks to 30. Then they had red tab orange tab, 901 and others. They even had some that they shot full of buck shot holes and they sold for a fortune.
I could have saved mine all these years and sold them to pay my way to NZ.
The price went up as they became more popular and I found GWG jeans and Lees that were cheaper, so I could still wear jeans without paying over $30.
As the years went by, jeans became trendy and everyone was wearing them now to the office and everywhere they went.
So on this day here at Sears I have reached the pile of Red Tab Levis jeans and they are on Sale.
Unlike my father, I pick up a pair and look them over and yes they look nice and sturdy. I then looked at the price………………….
Where are the GWGs?

How many of you have lay down on the bed and fought to get a pair of jeans on?


No comments: