blue moon (2)

Thursday, September 08, 2005

The Present ©

Well, it’s been a shitty day all around.
First off I didn’t have to work today because I worked my butt off until it was all done yesterday and I never have to go back.
Did I say never?
I hope I just didn’t jinx myself with that comment.
They had called me to go work for a couple of days because they like the way I work. I bet it had nothing to do with the cheap pay and the double work load I do.
It was hard work but not as hard as working with my friend.
We had gone out for lunch to a Chinese buffet. I love Chinese and it suited me just fine. I went around and got some breaded scallops, shrimp, some blackened cod, steamed veggies and a couple of sweet and sour chicken balls. That was my first trip. There were 3 visits to the food including the dessert bar.
My friend got a plate of breakfast sausages 8 of them, bacon, egg rolls, and some deep fried stuff.
I told him that it wasn’t good for him eating all that grease especially at his weight which is over 350 pounds.
He said he didn’t have breakfast and it was ok.
I ate mine and got some General Tao’s chicken and some more shrimp and a plate of steamed oysters, a dozen or so and some steamed broccoli.
Buddy went back and got almost the same stuff he had the first time but with some pork chops in a black sauce.
I told him I hope he didn’t get sick because of what he was eating and he told me not to worry.
Back at the shop we went back to work. I did the heavy stuff and the boss, other wise known as my friend was crawling on the floor hooking up the computer.
About 2 hours later there was this foul smell in the show room that made me gag.
\WTF is that I thought. After awhile it began to dissipate and I brushed it off.
Then it came back and this time with a fury and I was now getting dizzy.
I opened the door trying to see if there was something outside causing this hideous smell.
No there was nothing outside so I walked around the back looking for some chemical leak but there was nothing.
I walked over to my friend to ask him if he could smell what I did and just then he farts and I almost passed out.
What crawled up his ass and died.
He said that he didn’t feel so good.
I had news for him, either did I at that moment, and it didn’t stop there.
Nope, he was now on a paint peeler fart session that was brutal with the occasional grunt and sigh.
I was outside now chain smoking because I couldn’t breath inside and if I opened the door I'd be charged with air pollution if an Enviroment Canada employee drove by and saw the green steam coming from the place.
I came back and reminded him about the junk he ate and said that the food must have been bad. I agreed with him about the food but not that it was bad, but bad to eat and now WE were paying for it.
He went to the washroom and sat there for about half an hour while I was busy fixing the shelves as fast as I could so I could get out of that hell hole.
He came out and informed me that he now felt better.
I informed him that we should call the health department and condemn the washroom.
The good part was that I had managed to finish the show room and he brought me home.

Today though was a different type of hell.
It was mother hell.
Specifically that I can’t buy the stuff I said in my last post because it isn’t appropriate.
Yeah right, more like not according to her standards.
So I asked what I should buy.
She said I should get something a woman can use in her kitchen.
Now I told that on my blog all you women out there would be biting my head off and kicking my in the balls for saying that. (The head on my shoulders BTW not the other one)
She told me to go buy bed sheets.
But what if it doesn’t go with their décor I pointed out.
She told me the sheets and coverings had nothing to do with the décor. Fight number 2 that was.
So why do I have to buy what the lady of the house gets to use I asked her and she said because that’s the way it is.
Now I am an equal opportunity kind of guy. Personally I would love pots and pans, but my cousin doesn’t cook.
So armed with the knowledge that my mother ordered me to go out and buy a set of crystal glasses, I went out to Future Shop and bought them a JVC DVD player and she can kiss my ass. Ha Ha Ha and I left it at her place to stare at it until I wrap it tomorrow.

Did I mention it has been raining all day, well it has. I was out this morning shopping. I had to get some stuff before I went home to get the car and go get the present. I picked up some DVDs for me and 3 tubes of tooth paste. I even got some photo paper so I could print out some pix of Sara for my album.
By the time I got home I had walked about 10 km and was soaked all the way through.
Well present is bought and I am ready for the engagement party tomorrow.

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Todays links; One is a funny and witty lady who will kill you if you make any sudden moves to touch her glass of Sangria. Shit I don't even know if I spelt that right but who cares go on over and enjoy the read.
The other lady loves gourmet food like us (pizza) and has a ghost living with her. Did I mention the ghost likes to kiss. Hop on down and see if you can see what she can't.

Fridays Joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father,

"Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, women’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,
"Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles & answers,
"Well, dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

I hope you all have a nice weekend.

Oh , and if you havn't pinned my map I would love to have you stab it. It's under my profile and if you have pinned it, thank you very much. smile

Quick Up Date
My cousin came by today and gave us the invites to the Engagement party, 2 weeks late. You know what is on the invitation? Two cards for the stores they want us to shop from. We have already bought stuff, I bought a DVD player today because no one had told us what to get and today we find out it was because they forgot to drop them off.So what should we do now. Give what we bought or return and go shopping again? The engagement is on Saturday. I will tell you my decision tomorrow.

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