blue moon (2)

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

No No It's Not Dr. Phil ©

After reading some of the comments yesterday I have decided to dwell a little on relationships.
Now I will talk mostly about myself and some of my beliefs and some of what I have gone through to get here today with Sara.
If you see any parallels they are purely coincidental.

I believe that there should always be a dialog in a relationship from the start. You cannot expect your partner to know how you feel unless you tell them. You can’t expect your partner to second guess themselves every time they want to do something, fearing that you won’t like it or believing that you will be happy when you will not be.
We are all different in what we like and what we want.
There has to be respect in a relationship and you have to sometimes make compromises. This doesn’t mean all the time and you shouldn’t have to if you have chosen properly in a mate. If you have gotten together with someone who is the complete opposite of what you want, then you have a serious problem, especially if you hate all of what the other person does and or stands for. That is your fault for going after the wrong person.
There has to be similarities in what you like so that you could do things together that you both understand. There has to be differences so that you can teach your partner something new and share that.
If you have a problem, tell your partner that you need to talk and sit down and discuss it. I know most men just roll their eyes to this but tell them that you love him and this has to be addressed for the relationship to succeed, otherwise you are punishing yourselves needlessly and wasting your time when you could both be making someone else happy.
I myself like to get rid of a problem immediately.
Sara likes to take off for awhile and think about it. Now she takes off for a LONG period which pissed me off, but I am too quick to go into action without really thinking about it clearly first.
Now we have discussed this and I understand that I have to slow down and let her go off and cool down or think it over before we can talk about what started this off and fix it. She understands that she can’t take off leaving me hanging for a long period of time wondering what I did wrong.
Most times it is small and meaningless. A difference of culture was the first one we had and a misunderstanding, but we resolved it by talking it out and finding the problem.
That’s what people who love each other are supposed to do, work it out.
Never let small things grow into giants. Those are the stupid fights you get into for no reason. BTW we have not gotten into an argument if any of you are wondering.
Let’s wait until after she reads this post.
There are times when we bump into ex lovers.
This is the hardest part for me on both sides of the fence.
There are some women that I still love to this day and always will. Not in the sense that I want them back or I want to sleep with them again but I just don’t want them hurt but happy in their lives.
I have shared emotions with them and we spent time together. These aren’t the woman I had casual flings with. These are woman I have spent years with and one had my children. When one of them comes and wants to be close and intimately it hurts both of us. Me for having to say no and them for being rejected by someone they love.
This is something that has to be done though for me to be happy where I am now and for them to move on.
The mother of my children has come to me on two occasions looking for a reconciliation and both times the answer was no. The first time sex was thrown in and the answer was the same.
My second EX even though we have not spoken since our breakup 4 years ago has been asking mutual friends about me to. The answer to her would be also no, if she ever came here and asked.
Why would I want her back?
There was a reason why we split up and that is still there and always will be.
That would be the answer to both of them even if I didn’t have Sara.
There are other women who are special to me.
Some were sexual relationships but there was love there which grew over the years. I knew one for 20 years. We were incompatible so a permanent relationship was out of the question but this doesn’t mean there were no true feelings there. We still love each other, care for each other and always will, that’s it.
There are some women who I have never been intimate with that I love, like my friend LETI who finally got in touch with me. I have never met Leti but I was in pain when I couldn’t find her for 2 weeks.
Even though I love them all in some way I don’t love them the same as I love Sara.
There is nothing wrong with loving someone while you’re in a relationship. There are many types of love. It doesn’t mean you want to sleep with them.
Just the same, I understand that the person I am with was in love with someone else at one time and I can’t say anything about it unless they are blatantly trying to ruin what I have now.
Then I will be heard.
That goes the other way to, I will not stand and have someone I was with at one time try and fuck up what I have with Sara.
Sara has 2 kids with another man and I know she loves him to some extent and that doesn’t bother me in the least. In fact I would be distressed to find out otherwise. You don’t spend years with a person and just shut off the feelings you had for them. They change into something else.
My second EX was married before also and I used to invite her ex to all the family gatherings without even thinking about that fact that they used to share a bed together at one time.
There are people out there who have tried to make me fall back but I have not.
Love is a strange feeling. It takes control of your soul and shares it with someone else.
It blinds us from temptations; I believe it is a natural defense for when you meet the right person.
Just remember;
Talk about your problems, the sooner the better.
Don’t let the past, interfere with the present.
Be respectful to each other.
Compromise a little.
Don’t let outside interference mess your head and relationship.
Remember why you are together.
And if you are in an abusive or an unhappy relationship, get the fuck out and be happy.
Just my opinions.

As for me, I know one thing for sure, I’m not a perfect mate but am willing to try and come close.

Would You Like To Dance Baby? bloomingrose

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