Going Batty ©

Today I woke up and did the morning routine.
It’s the same one I always do and won’t change much until I get to New Zealand. “Wink”
I went downstairs and opened the door to get the mail and right there in front of my face was a big bat.
Not the baseball type, that one is behind the door this one is in front of it and has wings.
It was between the screen and the thin piece of wood that simulates panes of glass.
Ok, now what do I do?
I’m not overly crazy about bats and killing it wouldn’t have been a problem but I didn’t see why I should.
Further more, what the hell was it thinking?
Did it think no one would see its fat 4 inch butt hiding behind a half inch piece of wood?
I pushed the screen to see if it would fly away and thus saving its life, but nope didn’t even budge.
I sat there thinking of the advantages of having it there permanently.
It would surely scare the Jesus out of the Jehovah Witnesses.
Oh wait they don’t believe in Jesus.
Scratch that one.
The kids that deliver flyers would definitely be too scared to stuff my mail box with a that junk that I never read when they see this monster and run off screaming.
Hmmm with my luck they would probably be Marylyn Manson fans and feed the damn thing.
Scratch that one too.
Well I know the politicians would be scared right?
No they would talk to any thing for a possible vote.
Scratch that also.
Well it’s obvious that the bat would not benefit me in any way and it had to go, but how?
So I went around the back and came with the broom.
I went up to the door and slid the part with the bristles to nudge it out safely so it won’t get hurt.
It flew out from the door and towards the street were it slammed into the side of a parked truck and dropped dead on the sidewalk.
I want to point out that I did shoo it away gently.
It’s not my fault it was blind as a errrrrrrr ummmmmmmmm bat.
I couldn’t just leave the ugly fucker lying there on the ground so I went and swept it up and put it in its final resting place.
Allowing it to go to the great Belfry in the sky…..
I put it in the garbage can, its garbage day today.
Later on in the day my mother heard about the bat and asked what I did with it.
I told her I dumped it in the garbage and she freaked out.
She said you’re supposed to dry it up and wear it for luck to keep deseases away.
WTF!!!!!!!
“Who the fuck told you that”, came out of my mouth, my fathers and my brothers all at the same time?
“I learned that when I was a little girl” she said, “It’s a good luck charm.”
I wasn’t that lucky for that bat, I tell yeah.
I don’t know where she comes up with this crap and I wouldn’t wear a dried up fucken bat around my neck that’s for sure.
After I left her house I sat here thinking about all the stuff she made us eat as kids and all those safety/lucky charms she pinned to us.
WTF were they and what was in them.
I’m not feeling so good all of a sudden.
Damn my mother's a witch doctor.

Have a nice day.

Walker