blue moon (2)

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Eulogy ©

D was a nice person, who always enjoyed life.
There was always room for a smile or an extra ear to listen to someone’s problems.
Fun, out going always ready to party and have a good time and create memories.
D was a good parent who thought about the kids all the time.
Like any parent, D worried what the kids were up to, will they be safe, will they grow up to be happy in what they choose to be in life?
One day D found out that D may have cancer.
D automatically got depressed and thought about the possible out come. D pondered the possibility of chemotherapy and radiation to battle the dreaded disease. The months of feeling sick and going bald.
To make matters worse the treatment may not help and limbs may have to be amputated making the whole person only part of a person.
D pondered all of this, and more.
There had to be another way and then an idea came to mind.
It was the only possible solution to the dilemma.
It was only way in D’s mind, to beat cancer and be left with some dignity.
Here lays D today gone at a relatively young age;
Before it was time;
Before D had the chance to see grand kids;
D lays here today not because the cancer killed D.
No, D lays here because I killed D.

A short time ago someone came to me wanting a favor.
D has been diagnosed with cancer, maybe.
There isn't conclusive evidence yet but the worst thoughts come to mind. I can understand how the worse creeps up to your brain making you sicker than you are. The thought of maybe it wrong is just a small thought to the worse case scenario.
D does not want to go through with all the problems that occur when treating and fighting the disease.
In fact D does not want to fight at all.
Just to end it now and be remembered the way they look at the present.
Now I think this wrong. We look the way we are because of the person we are as well. Our personality creats our features. A mean person has a mean face all the time. A nice person has a nice face. A dead person has a grey face and looks nothing like you were when alive.
So D wants me to help them commit suicide, but I have nothing to worry about. All I have to do is supply the tools and then my hands are clean of it, but are they?
This is not like asking for money, this is the taking of a life.
A life that has a chance to live.
I find it hard to understand suicide.
I would rather go fighting and screaming to my grave than to just give up.
I understand there is lots of pain involved.
I know what pain is on many levels, so I don’t consider it that much of an excuse when it comes to living. So what if a leg or boob gets cut off.
You’re still alive and you can hold the ones you love for years to come.
Who cares if your bald, it will grow back and if you are sick consider it a bad hangover until the cancer is gone and you could feel great again. There is not enough excuse here to justify giving up on life.
I talked to D for a long time pointing many of this out and the benefits of fighting.
With the strides in fighting cancer it can be beaten and live can go on.
I know many people who have fought and won, my mother is one of them and in Canada all this is for free.
Still, D says no.
Terry Fox a proud Canadian and a man we are proud of still to this day died of cancer. It took both his legs but he kept fighting on and he even tried to run across Canada on 2 artificial legs. A task which is hard on two good legs. Cancer took him in the end, but he fought and he won those days in the end and those are the memories he left for us.
Fight until there is no tomorrow because the big sleep is eternal.
There is so much to live for and to see.

D is still alive and is waiting for the final results of the tests to know for sure if there is a cancer.
Even without the results D has given up.
It’s time to live D and forget dieing.
As for helping you D, I’ll help.
By not helping, and supporting D’s the fight for life.

What say you out there, do you fight for one more breath or lie down and give up?


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