blue moon (2)

Friday, July 01, 2005

Gone Shopping ©

Before I start I want to warn you all about the music, there is some explicit language.
Second, to all the Canadians out there in Blogland.

fireworks_1HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANADA!!!!!!!! fireworks_1

I was out shopping with my mother today. It’s an end of the month ritual.
She wakes me up 2 hours before we are to leave to tell me we are leaving in 2 hours. It’s a good thing she called to remind me, I may have forgotten since the last time that she reminded me, 8 hours earlier.
At the end of every month I take her shopping with my father’s car. He never takes her where she needs to go so I get the job. I get to do mine also so it’s not so bad.
It’s also the end of the month argument with my father, who gives us the put gas speech, drive carefully because this is the last car I’m going to buy and be back fast blah blah blah.
We headed for the various stores we needed to stop at and then I went to another mall where I bumped into an old friend.
I hadn’t seen her in a while so I gave my mother a shopping cart and sent her off. My mother calls the shopping cart her wheel chair. Once she drops her tits in the back part of the cart and grips the handle, nothing could rip it away from her.
Off she goes.
I sat there shooting the old stuff and the what’s news and the have you seens. We got caught up to date. She works at the Liqueur store there in that mall. I have known her for almost 20 years.
She is a beautiful woman with the worst luck with men you have ever seen. I met her when she was a barmaid. They used to have a pool every time she got a new boyfriend to see how long they would last. 6 months is the longest.
I knew her from another bar than the one I go to now. I was sitting at the bar one night and she walks in. I was surprised to see her there, because it wasn’t her regular hang out.
She told me she was here to see her boy friend (#87). He worked there.
I asked who and when she told me I said cool and then got this click in my head. You know what I mean, that sound that brings up thoughts from memory bank and locks them into place for you to recall.
He walks out of the kitchen and hugs and kisses her and says hi to me and introduces me to her.
I say nothing.
She tells him that she knows me for years and I was the guy she always talked about in those stories about….. (Ah you don’t need to know about that stuff).
All of a sudden the smile left his face and was replaced with a worried frown.
We talked for awhile and she got up and went to the washroom.
He asked me if I was going to beat the crap out of him.
I told him I wasn’t thinking about beating on him, but dumping him in the deep fryer was another matter.
He got a little pale around the ears and she came back. They finished their drinks, said good night and went home.
The next day I was there waiting for him to come and talk to me and he didn’t disappoint me. He came over and said he deserved what ever I did to him.
I told him that he did and telling me that, didn’t save him one bit.
How long have you been seeing he?r I asked.
6 months, he replied.
Now how long have you been screwing the new waitress shit head?
A couple of weeks, but I love the waitress, he said.
Well, I said then you go tell my friend it’s over tonight, and if I find out that you didn’t, I will tell her. Then I will talk to you.
I paid, got up and left.
The next day I found out that he told her.
How I found out you may ask? Well apparently she showed up with a shopping cart with all his stuff and opened the front door of the restaurant walked in and pushing it to the kitchen and dumped his shit on the floor then took the cart away with her.
From what I heard everyone had to leave because they couldn’t stop laughing.
A couple of days later I’m in the place and he is there with the new girlfriend under his arm. He had done some cocaine, I could see it in his eyes, and was drinking beer also.
The bartender came over and gave me a beer and said it was from him. I took it back to him and placed it in front of him and butted my cigarette in it. I told him I didn’t want anything from him, I looked at her but she didn’t do anything really.
I turned and left.
She then told him she had to go meet some friends and was going home. She lived with her parents still.
He decided to stick around the bar, he too had moved back to his parents place when my friend through him out.
Now the rest of this is how I heard it because I left early that night.
The guy sat there drinking through the night with other staff members until noon the next day.
Then he went to a friends place with a buddy of his to do some cocaine. When he got there they sat for some beer and started chopping lines. He asked him where his room mate was so he could offer him some.
He was told that the room mate had gone out last night and still had the girl he brought home in his room and was still screwing her.
So they sat back drinking beer and getting stoned. About half an hour later the bedroom door opened and the room mate walked out with asshole’s new girl friend.
Ha Ha Ha how sweet was that.
Apparently he sat there stunned, then freaked out. She told him that she never said that she loved him or wanted him to leave his girl friend.
Well he went on a bender and missed so many days he was fired.
He came in a couple of times but the bouncer “cough” ”cough” threw him out and barred him for doing drugs in the washroom.
My friend hasn’t changed much. He last boyfriend who lasted 3 months forgot to tell her about the wife and 2 kids.

Fridays Joke.

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this...
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key Westto Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains theManager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one ofthe shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from NewYork, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains theman again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't t use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man givesup and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says,this check is only made out for $50."
"That's correct," says the man.
"I charged you $300 for sleeping with mywife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have!"

I would like to say that most of my jokes that I use on Friday's posts, are from a very special friend of mine, who is not feeling well at the moment.

Thank you Leti.

Get better soon Babe.


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