blue moon (2)

Sunday, June 05, 2005

I'm A Bastard ©

Notice how life is such a slut.
She teases you and then tempts you, only to fuck you up when you’re not looking.
She gives you hope, pleasure and just as you get ready to exclaim in a loud voice YESSSSSSSSSSS, finally, I got what I want. She fucks you up the ass and you're left exasperated bruised and wondering what the Hell happened.
No matter how I look at everything in my life it seems, I can’t do anything right. This is nothing to do with me directly because we don’t, control our lives. We may think we do, but you’d be fooling yourself if you believe that crap.
Everyone stop and think.
Every decision we make in life, is guided by someone else.
The way we think, act, eat, sleep, fuck……..
Think about it?
When you think about making dinner, you have to take the person you are with into consideration. Or make 2 completely different dinners. So, in essence, it’s not your decision.
If you want to say something, don’t you have to pause and see what the results will be, or how it’s viewed and interpreted? I do.
Every action has a reaction.
Even when you’re single, your actions are governed by what others think, want or need. The way we dress and look. What we say and do.
How many decisions do we make strictly on our own?
Very few, even when it only concerns us, we have to think how it will affect our family and friends.
I want to be left to my own choices and decisions but I rarely do.
Further more what I do and don’t do effects others also.
Talk about no pressure.
I made a decision, and everyone paid.
It was my sister in law’s birthday yesterday. Her sister had planned to rent a Limo and wanted me to be her date. We had a long talk last week and she told me what she wanted and how she wanted it done. The Limo was for me and her.
She went through this long 1 ½ hour conversation with me, telling me about her separation and was looking for a house and how much she liked me because I was different.
I told her a house would be a good investment, and I could be a bastard too, once she got to know me better, right Sara? lol
I also told her we should share the Limo, because it would be like 2 people sitting at a large dinner table with each of us sitting on opposite sides of the Limo. I wasn’t going to sit next to her; she’d want me to knock her up before the Limo went the 6 blocks to the restaurant.
I told her I had a girlfriend, she replied that she didn’t count because she was in New Zealand.
It was a bad mistake on her part.
Now to tie in the stuff I said in the beginning.
When I asked my brother when the party was yesterday afternoon, he told me she(the sister in law) cancelled it because of me.
Since I wasn’t keen on her and my thoughts about the Limo, she decided yesterday afternoon, that if she can’t have what she wanted no one would be happy and cancelled the birthday party for her sister.
So because of me, a bunch of people had their night ruined.
Do I care? Yes.
Would I have done anything different? No.
So I guess I’ll be the bastard and be happy for it.


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