blue moon (2)

Monday, June 13, 2005

Crime Wave ©

It’s Sunday morning at 1:40 am.
Sara has gone to lie down for a while; she was up very early today.
I just finished answering some comments and have nothing to do but sit here with the headset on looking like an alien. (I was going to say I was eating a peanut butter sandwich but I finished it before I had time to type it, and yes Jo, it was crunchy).
Then all of a sudden, a thought hit me. (This shit happens to me a lot)
What would happen, if there was no crime or violence?
I mean nothing, no where.
The whole world, would be at peace.
There would be no need for police, soldiers or any of the armed forces.
Your neighbor loved you, you boss respected you, everyone was perfect.
There would be no road rage because everyone let you in and never cut you off. No one minded the 4 hour traffic jams; in fact people chatted through their windows while they were stuck in traffic and made friends that way.
No drugs, everyone is always happy, no need for them.
No crime, or violence.
Just think of getting the paper everyday and the only thing in it would be births and deaths. There is no crime of any kind to report.
The News on the radio and on the TV would be the same.
Everyone would be walking around smiling all the time and being very polite.
How freaky would that be? I’m sure it would be nice for a while but imagine everyone being so fucken happy ALL the time, everywhere you went. If YOU bumped into someone, the other person would vehemently apologize, while sporting a huge smile.
Just stop here for a sec and picture it in your head. It would be like this forever. You would never get angry at anyone.
That’s not all, no sir nope nope nope.
There would be no football, boxing, hockey or any contact sport because it is violent.
Bottle Cap tossing would be the national sport and every Sunday we would huddle around the TV to watch NFL, the National Frisbee League and bet on who will play in the Super Frisbee Bowl.
Even TV would be affected. There would be no police shows.
ER would have only child births and treat paper cuts and the occasional dust in the eye.
Ratings will skyrocket because people are so happy.
Homer Simpson would be Nuclear Scientist and Bart will be graduating top of his class 2 years ahead of schedule.
The Enterprise would actually go where no one has gone before to explore for real.
Kirk would be screwed.
Perfect…… Klingons
No beer or booze of any kind would be around because it only makes people too happy, and then trouble starts.
100% Pure Lemonade, would be the drink of choice, while swinging to the tunes of Lawrence Welk at the local dance club.
Pink Floyd would put out their new album, Another Daisy on the Wall and people would flock to get it.
There would be no kissing or physical touching of any kind.
The touching of people would be a form of violence. Artificial insemination would be used to reproduce.
Masturbation is ok because touching yourself is legal.
Imagine how nice and peaceful a non violent crimeless world would be.
I would go nuts.
I’m sorry I need some crime, some violence. It doesn’t have to be drastic. A stolen car, shoplifting, spitting on the sidewalk or an argument, punches need not fly.
Something that will get me going, ACTION, DRAMA, SEX, SEX, oh I said that already.
I believe we need some sort of drama in our lives, be it real or make believe. I abhor violence but sometimes we need it, sometimes we crave it. I think it’s in our genetic make up. Otherwise why do we have adrenaline, if not to get pumped up and release our rage
We are animals that learned to be civil. We didn’t evolve to be civil. We are still basically animals.
What we deserve credit for is the compassion we have for our fellow humans.
BUT I still cannot live without crime it would be too boring.
So with that in mind I think I should break the law or something.
Let me see what should I do?
I got it.
I’ll be right back………..

There I done it, I broke the law.

I just tore off the tag on the mattress.


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