blue moon (2)

Friday, May 13, 2005

Say Cheeez z z z ©

Have you ever had to smile and you couldn’t?
I have that problem.
Smiling, I can do and I smile a lot I’m told, but to smile on command is the problem.
In today’s society, we get our picture taken for everything.
Driver’s license, you have to get your picture taken.
OK sir can you stand up against the screen and smile please.
Why do I have to smile?
Well sir, you do want to look good, on your drivers license picture don’t you.
Why the fuck would I want to be smiling on my drivers license picture, when the only person that will be seeing it is the cop writing me out a ticket and the face he’s going to be handing the ticket to, won’t be smiling.
Oh come on sir, show me a big smile.
Oh come on dear, show me your big tits.
I can’t do that sir.
There you go, we’re even. Now take the picture and let me out of here....... Clik.

I had the same problem at the health center.
We have been issued health cards now with our pictures on them, so our cards can’t be used illegally.
Ok sir up against that wall please.
I suppose you want me to smile.
I don’t care if you smile or not sir.
I like this guy. The lady at the ministry of transportation didn’t let you see her tits either, eh. OMG I’m smiling. Hurry, take the picture. Clik, Yayyyyyyyy a picture with a smile.
Sorry sir we have to take it again. The glare off you glasses obscures your eyes.
WHAT! Are you nuts, how am I supposed to smile now?
Think of those tits again sir.
Pfffft to late, that image is gone now. Oh what the hell it’s a health card, how many people that are sick do you see smiling........... Clik.

Today’s venture out into the concrete jungle was for me to have passport pictures taken.
I headed out to this place 4 blocks away. I live in the heart of the city.
It’s cool I don’t need a car and am a 20 minute walk from everywhere. Except NZ which is why I need the passport.
I go in and ask if they do passport pictures and they say yes. The clerk takes me upstairs.
He tells me the rules for taking passport pictures.
No smiling.
No glasses.
Let me understand this, you do NOT want me to smile.
That’s right sir, no smiling.
Well sir, they believe if you do not smile, your true face will show.
Oh I see, but I’m a smiling person that’s my true face.
No sir it isn’t.
How do you know, you have never seen me.
I know sir, but the government knows better.
Ok that last comment was all I needed and I start laughing.
Sir I can’t take your picture, your smiling.
It’s your fucken fault for saying a joke.
I never said a joke sir.
Yes you did you said the government knows better, that’s a joke. Ok, I’m ready take the picture, clik.
You were smiling sir; we have to take another one. Clik, your still smiling sir.
I’m trying for fucks sake.
Clik, sir, I don’t have all day, you’re smiling in this one too.
In the end and after 6 tries, I got passport pictures with a smirk on my face. That was the best I can do.

Imagine, the government wants us not smiling on our passports, so that when we get to another country, the person at the airport customs desk in that country goes, Good day sir and then he looks at your picture and sees a mug shot.
Sir you do not look the same in this picture. Here in your passport you look like a criminal and here you are smiling.
I tried to tell them I’m a smiley person but they wanted me to frown.
I understand that sir but you have to look the same as you do in the picture before we let you in. WHAT!!!! For fuck sakes, ok let me try. How’s this?
Yes that’s perfect, but we can’t let you into the country.
Only because you look like a criminal sir and we don’t let criminals in.
Next please.


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