blue moon (2)

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

The Ice Man Commeth ©

I used to work for an Ice company delivering ice to various stores through out the region.
The way I got the job was by default. I used to work for a juice company that was bought out.
I unlike the rest of the staff of the juice company, I decided not to work for the ice company. It being summer and I wanted to do nothing but lay back and relax.
But it was not to be.
I was the only one who knew the costumers for the juice company. They persisted, so I told them I would work for the Ice Company only and would show them the routes for the juice part of it. They agreed and I went to work the next day.
The manager of the company, decided to give me the worse job they had. I didn’t know it at the time but he got me to haul these blocks of ice from the back and then lift them over my head and dump them into a crusher.
The ice would come out the other end and into a large garbage can, which I then would have to drag off to the auger (it looked like a huge funnel) climb up 5 steps and dump it in.
The ice would slowly be then sent to the bag room where it was bagged by hand. BTW, you could always tell who worked in the bag room; they all have a finger or a piece of a finger missing. The tie machine was so fast, if you got caught napping you lost a finger. I never worked there, if I did my name would be stumpy.I'm such a day dreamer.
That was my job, nothing more, nothing less. So I went at it.
About 4 hours latter, someone went to the manager, I could see him through the glass window and he was pointing at me. The manager came out and called me to the office. What the fuck did I do know I thought.
Have a seat, he told me as soon as I got into the office. So how are things, he asks?
Not to bad I replied, beats being out in the heat. (It was zero degrees in there and we were in T-shirts, it was 30 degrees Celsius outside.)
So how many blocks have you crushed so far?
I look at my sheet and tell him, 750.
I see, he says.
He reached into a drawer and came out with 2 glasses and a bottle of Crown Royal whiskey.
Do you think we can find some ice he joked?
I might be able to, I said and went out and brought in a small bag.
He filled 2 glasses to the rim and handed me one. Now I’m thinking, this is a test and said no thanks, not while I’m working.
He tells me not to worry because I am not working any more.
Oh, I replied, in that case thank you and took the glass and we said cheers.
He sat back and says to me, the average number of blocks crushed in an average shift is 50. You crushed 750 in 4 hours and the boys couldn’t bag it fast enough so now the auger is jammed.
Great I broke the machine and I’m getting fired. I bet they want to make me pay for the repairs to, I thought.
We finished our drinks and he says, you can go home now and get some rest, tomorrow your warehouse foreman.
My friend came out to the car as I was getting in, to see why I was fired. I told him I wasn’t, I was now his boss and to get back to work. That is how I started at the Ice Company.

One of my jobs was to do phone in orders to long time clients. That was my main job actually.
Once I drove back to the warehouse and my boss was standing outside waiting for me as he always did when I screwed up. I got out and looked at him and said. What? I've done nothing this time. He was shaking his head and walked to the back of the truck, I followed him. On the back of the truck was a step. It was rusty and mangled from all the use and banging it's been through. Hanging off of it was a skirt. Apparently while I was driving through downtown, a lady's skirt was blown onto the path of the step and was snagged ripping it off her body leaving her bottomless on the side walk.

Another time I had to make a delivery to a small town 2 hours away. I left at 11pm. I had told the owner to leave the ice box open and I would fill it. I get there around 1 am, and guess what? Yes, it’s locked, but not to worry because this is a small town and the guy live upstairs from the store.
Now I don’t know which window is his bedroom, so I pick one and start throwing cubes of ice at it, each one a little harder.
I am getting mad it’s late and I have a 2 hour drive back. I kept throwing to no avail.
Fine I thought I more and that’s it.
30 seconds later, the guy is at the door holding a 10 pound block of ice.
You forgot to leave the box unlocked I said, oh and that block it’s free.
Well, guess who was standing in the middle of the street when I got back to the shop.

There was this customer who was a royal pain in the ass. He sold a lot of ice, but he was a prick. He calls up one day and wants a shipment ASAP.
The boss calls me over and tells me what is needed and to deliver it pronto. He was 100 kilometers away.
It took me 1 ½ hours to get there and when I get there he’s mad as he could get.
That was suppose to be here yesterday he yelled at me. He YELLED at me, and he doesn’t look Greek or like my father.
I’m sorry sir I just got the order.
I phoned that in this morning and it took you half the day to get here. Do you know how many customers I’ve lost because of you?
Well I just got the order 2 hours ago and I came straight here.
It took you 2 hours to get here; you should have been here in an hour.
Well i'm thinking, if Ferrarri starts making Ice trucks then maybe.
Then he says, you know what, I don’t want it. I’m going to order from that other Ice Company. It’s closer to me, so keep your Ice.
Fine, I said and walked out of the store.
I was mad!
I get in the truck and back it up close to the store. The truck was 3/4‘s empty because I only had his order.
I get out and open the back doors.
I walk up to the double freezer. It was heavy, but I was pissed. I grab one end and put it on the lip of the back of the truck.
At this point the store owner comes out and says, what are you doing.
This is our machine and it’s for our customers so since you are not a costumer I’m taking it.
I went around the other end of the machine picked it up and shoved it in.
I walked to the driver’s side and look at him. I told him what I thought of him and got into the truck.
As I start to pull out, I tell him through the driver’s side window, that we bought the other company last week and closed it.
Have a nice day asshole.
Driving out of Beachberg (the name of the place) I noticed a store without a machine outside. I went in and asked her if she sold ice.
She told me she would like to but didn’t have a machine or the money for the ice.
I said, this is your lucky day.
I unloaded the machine hooked it up and gave her 100 free bags and 600 on consignment.
I gave her a sign for the window and off I went.
Do I need to tell you who was waiting for me on the street when I got back to the shop?

OH, this one time a stripper.....Ah I'll save it for another time.
These are a few more stories from the Ice Company, I have more, but we’ll save them for another day.


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