blue moon (2)

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I Want To Have Your Baby Walker ©

I’m a simple person with a complicated life. Until today, I really didn’t understand why.
My family is dysfunctional, which is a nightmare on a good day, so just imagine what they would be like on a bad day.
My father speaks in one tone of voice and that’s yelling, which causes everyone else to yell so they can be heard. He makes Archie Bunker look like a sweetheart.
My brother is a liar, con man, conniving SOB, (B = bastard, not calling my mother a bitch, she’s the only sane insane person there).
Who never shows up for dinner unless he’s 2 hours late and the food is colder than ice.
With a family like this, you would say there’s your problem, but no, they may contribute to the mayhem of my life but they are not the ones complicating it the most.
It’s the women in my world.
Most of you know I have a GF (Sara) and in her words I love her to pieces, which is true and I love all her pieces.
Her being in New Zealand is a bitch, but we’re working towards fixing that part of it. No she is not my problem it’s other women and it’s always been other women.
At the age of 46, I can honestly say I have asked 1 woman out and she said no, but I have been with more women than the average man dreams of. Go figure you don't ask and you get what you want. Got that guys, shut up and you get layed.
Nothing like Wilt Chamberlains “I fucked 10,000 women”. Mind you I suspect he gave his hands a different name every morning, evening, and night, adding up an extra 9990 women.
I don’t concider myself good looking, average maybe and I’m over weight, but women want to sleep with me. It’s strange, they don’t want to date me just fuck me and It’s usually married women.
If I would meet a single woman, a date or a bump in the bedroom or anywhere else for that matter would be a no. The day after her wedding she phones me for a lay. (OMG, I just figured it out. Every woman couldn't sleep with , all I had to do is get them married).
I have grown a beard, I have dressed like crap, I ignore them, It didn't work, they still come after me.
I sit alone in the bar minding my own business and a woman I have never met would sit next to me and start with the getting to know me better questions. By the end of the night, I'm trying to peel her off of me.
The staff and the regulars loved it of course. I work there and for years they have teased me about what I get into with women.
I asked my lesbian friend (every one should have a gay friend) who I dated for awhile, why is this happening to me? She came back with, because you have a bad boy image.
What the fuck is a bad boy image, and how do I get rid of it?
I have always been this way.
I mind my own business.
I’m nice to people.
Why can’t other people mind their own business and leave me alone?
In the past, women have tried to ruin any relationships I had, one walked up to my new GF at the time and asked, I’ve been screwing him for 3 years now, can I still see him on Wednesdays? I found the new GF bawling on a bench 2 hours later. She told me what had happened and I was pissed.
Her best friend (her being the one that wanted Wednesday lays)came over with her kids one day and when I was in the kitchen she left her kids with my GF in the living room(the same GF and the same week) and came into the kitchen jacked up her t-shirt and says, what do you think, are they getting bigger?
While this is going on her kids are telling my GF, you know what mommy and Walker are doing in the kitchen EH? She walks in just as the shirt went up.
Well she was cool about it and walked around and said, no they’re still smaller than mine.
I could sit here and type the tips off my fingers off listing all of the times women have done this to me.
Now you may be asking what brought all of this on today?
While at Easter dinner the other day, it was brought to my attention the sister in law’s sister has the hots for me. (Come to think of it I don't remember her name?) Big fucken deal I think to myself, and guess what she is married, big surprise there,yeah right.
Well she has a dream of having my kid. So she filed for divorce on Friday, so she could be with me and get pregnant.
One problem, noone asked me about this.
I have not seen this woman more than 8 times in 11 years and she thinks she’s gonna get Walker to knock her up and have a family.
My sister in law thinks this is great. Both your baby and my baby will look alike because we are both sisters and your brothers.
Well guess what?
I love Sara, who is beautiful, sexy, smart and in tune with how we both think.
Did I mention that she has GREAT set of 40DD's.
I pointed this out to the sister in law, who came back with, yeah but she is in NZ.
New Zealand is only an air flight away, and there isn’t enough pussy between now and then to change my mind, I told her.Besides I have 2 cats in my bed right now and that’s enough pussy until I get to be with Sara again.
Well, I have no intention of starting a family with anyone, unless Sara wants kids and we both have decided we don’t. So the only baby I plan on having in my life is her.
If anyone is looking for a fertile woman in need of a boob job, give me a buzz.

Walker aka. The sperm donor.

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