blue moon (2)

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Crash Test Dummy ©

Remember when air bags came out.
Did you ever wonder if they really worked?
Well my friends and I did. We sat there one day and wondered if the air bag, inflated on impact or after, that’s if it deployed at all.
We were at the local pool one Friday night, about 12 of us and the question about the air bags came up. Ok I said, lets go find out. 7 of us were outside and I told them I was going to drive the car into the stone wall next to the bridge and see if the bag deployed. But first we needed a car with an air bag. After a short search in the parking lot we had a Mazda.
I drove up the street and got the feel of the car, not to mention to find the balls to do this.
By this time the rest of the crew had come out and were asking what was happening. They were told I was going to drive a car into the wall, to see if the air bag worked. They all gathered around and waited for the show.
Now the local pool was in an area of town away from housing, so there was no chance of anyone seeing us.
I went by the place I wanted to ram the wall and drove back up the street. Snake who had been in the car with me, asked if I was really going to do it and I said yes. I also told him to strap his seat belt on too. You should have seen his eyes bulge; he started screaming for me to pull over so he could get out of the car.
I let Snake out of the car and sat there staring at the 2 long blocks to the wall. Fuck it looked far.
This car looked small too.
Now why was I doing this? Oh yeah because I’m stupid. Just like the bridge stunt, I was stupid then too.
Ok seat belt is on, car is in first gear; clutch is to the floor and almost through it, the way I was pushing down.
I’m revving the engine, I can see the RPM’s cranking, my heart is pounding now and I know it’s time to release the clutch and fly down the street at the wall. The music is blaring. I wish it was Radar Love playing, but its Stairway to Heaven. I popped the clutch and off I went screeching down the street. I can see the speedometer rising 10 klm, 20 klm, 1 block has now gone past me. I whip past the group at the side of the road watching me.
I can see Andy running in the street behind me, waving, wishing me luck.
I ‘m at 30 klm, 40 klm, I thought to myself, Fuck I forgot to have a smoke, I need one now. 50 klm, 60 klm, and now I’m scared and it’s too late to stop.
I was about 30 feet away when I closed my eyes.
I felt the jolt and the horrible sound of metal being crushed. I could feel the body of the car shrink.
The wind was knocked right out of me. I opened my eyes to the white air bag in my face. There was smoke and steam everywhere, and the smell of radiator fluid burning.
I rolled out of the car and there was Andy running up to me. I could see he was out of breath.
I raised my hand up and said, It’s ok I’m fine.
He stopped in front of me and yelled, this is my fucken car.
I said, oh? They were the only keys we could find in the locker room.
I walked up the street to the guys as they were running down to meet me. Andy stayed behind and stared at his car.
It took the police 2 weeks to find the car that Andy had reported stolen. It took 6 months for him to get money from the insurance company. They couldn’t understand how the keys were in the car but in the end they didn’t believe Andy was nuts enough to drive into a wall.
A few years later, I asked Andy if I could borrow his car and all he did was start laughing and walk away.

Have you ever wondered if the air in your car really works?


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