blue moon (2)

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Poo What? ©

Can you hear that?
Wow, my hair is flopping up and down.
I’m going to be deaf in a month.
I finally got a new set of speakers to replace the ones I melted and I tell you, it feels good having six speakers pointed at me head.
Without music playing I can’t do anything.
It’ sets the rhythm to life.

It’s the weirdest thing too.
They are the ones I wanted but I didn’t get them from the electronics store but rather online for a fraction of the cost.
Actually they were so cheap, I felt bad that the guy was going to drive twenty miles out of his way to deliver them so I offered to meet him closer to his place.
I mean 25 bucks for something he paid 170 for a month ago is worth a little drive.

So I told D2 I was going to meet a priest at a parking lot to make a deal.
Did I mention the seller was a priest?
She gave me a look.
I don’t know what it is with my family but when they see me talking with a member of the clergy they think the whole family will be going to hell.
I have had some great conversations with many priests and some interesting ones with a couple of nuns.
OK, I may go to hell but surely not the whole family.
Sister Margaret wasn’t really keen on the idea.
I mean god was warming her heart but the fire in her loins was hotter than hell.

So what have I been up to besides watching the Middle East on the news.
Actually, the Middle East has been on the news for so long everyone is bored of it now.
Yeah, I noticed it the other day.
I’m sure the producer of CNN finally said, “This shit is getting boring”.
“Let’s look for something that doesn’t involve protesters”.
“What’s happening in Wisconsin…….”?

The weather has been freaky lately.
It can’t decide if it’s winter or the lead up to spring.
One day it’s -30 the next 8 then –30 again.
What the hell is that?
Then it’s 10 right after.

Inia, the boys and I went out the other day taking advantage of the weather when we could.
We went to the market to do a little shopping and just get some fresh are away from the TVs and video games.
AS we walked down the boys spotted Sugar Mountain, the store that has all the candy you remember from the past and sweets you had only heard of for sale.
Yeah, real evil place.
In fact, Inia would say it put the devil in me.

We let the kids go in as we stood outside.
We know.
You go in, you’re fucked.
Your ass will begin expanding the moment your fingers touch the door handle.
Not to mention if you go in with kids, might as well mortgage the house.
You’re already weak at the knees at the sight of sweets from your youth and vulnerable to their suggestions just to get them to go away and leave you drooling over PEZZ collection on the wall.
So we stood outside and stared in through the window to avoid all of that but it left us vulnerable to the elements of society.

As we stood there two chicks strolled up.
They were in their early twenties.
One was slim with a petite frame and the other had a larger frame with some extra meat on her that looked like she had desperately tried to compact into a pair of jeans that cried to be put to death rather than suffer her fat butt.
Hey don’t get me wrong.
I love me lots of booty but if a seam snapped on her jeans it would be a catastrophe to anyone within twenty feet.

They walked right up to us and one asks Inia if she would take their picture in front of Sugar Mountain.
Now you have to understand, Walker does shit on impulse and Inia knows this.
I am pretty sure she knew what was coming next as she squeezed the button on the camera while her head turned towards me.
I could see her lips moving but it was to late.
Inia’s good but I’m fast.

“So is that the before picture to compare your …”? says I
“Shit” says Inia.
Oh well.
I never said I was shy.

They opened the door and walked in.
We stood there watching the kids inside freaking out on the thousands of types of candy to choose from when a woman with a baby carriage was trying to get out.
Inia reached over and opened to the door open to make it easier for her.
The woman came out and turned to look at who opened the door and saw it was another woman.

She gave me a look.
I said nothing, Nada.
I know a crazy bitch when I sees one and this one had crazy written all over her face.
She thanked Inia in a cold hard voice.
“You got to watch out for the fucken perverts”.

Yeah, yeah, they can spot me a mile away.

“Last week I was in a mall and this guy was following me around trying to look at my “poonani” so I whacked him in the face, fucken pervert”.

WTF is a “Poonani”?!!!

“This is my fifth kid”.
She looks over at me.
I didn’t do it so don’t look at me like that.

The boys came out and we got the hell out of there.
On the way to the van I asked Inia WTF a "Poonani" was and she said it’s slang for “Pussy”.

Poonani, I don’t know, with the poo in the front of the word I would think it would refer to something else but if she’s been bouncing babies on her lap for all these years her nani might smell like Poo.

Have a nice day



Boxer said...

post the picture! post the picture!

Peter said...

Real proud of you for saying nada to the freak lady Walker.

PBS said...

Wise non-move on your part!

Lindy said...

Happy Birthday, dude! Hope you had a wonderful day..