blue moon (2)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Ma n Pa Walker ©

I have two posts I want to write about and I don’t know which one to write.
One would be kind of funny and the other a more serious post.

D2 just asked me if I have a rolling pin.
I told her no but she can take the handle off of the toilet plunger and use that.
She is now EEEEEWWWWWWing in the kitchen.
Girls are so squeamish.
I used to use a badminton racket as a strainer.

Let’s start and see where I end up.
Ummm well I took my mother out today.
She wanted to go do some shopping so I borrowed my father’s car because mine was still in the shop getting fixed but before we could go shopping we had to go to the bank to get a problem settled.

Last Friday I was doing some online banking for my mother and I noticed that a deposit I had made into her savings account had mysteriously disappeared.
MY mother never used her savings account because her cheque account was the only one she needed but she had a jar of quarters she wanted to deposit in the bank for my niece.
So a couple of weeks ago Inia and I hit the bank on our way to Chinatown and deposited three hundred dollars into her never used savings account.

Three weeks later some asshole danced all over my car and she asked if she wanted to take it out to give to me for the car would it be possible.
I told her yeah if it got to that point.
That put the bug in my mind when I looked at the savings account to notice the missing money.

I investigated a little further and found that at the end of the month right after I deposited the money a bunch of money was deposited in my mother’s account, twelve hundred dollars to be exact.
Then the next day it was gone along with the three hundred dollars leaving only twenty in the account.

I freaked.
I mean, anything and everything that happens usually gets blamed on me and this is something I handled personally.
And if you think that fifty one year old Walker is scared of his mother, well then you’d be fucken right.

So I go back and into April’s transactions and I find where the money was drawn out.
Now for the last couple of years, ever since I started doing online banking for my mother I have noticed something weird happening in that savings account.
Every month my mother gets double what she should be getting deposited in her bank and the next day half disappears.
I figured it was some stupid glitch in the system so I never investigated.
I mean it didn’t affect my mother’s money so why bother.
Well, not until now so I needed to know what this shit was all about so I started going back month after month and I saw the same thing all the way back for a year.
The money goes in and they leave the twenty bucks with its interest.
Letting my suspicious mind roll this around my head for a bit I figured someone was using my mother’s account to launder money they stole from the government because what was being deposited in her account was another old age security cheque and another pension cheque.
The next day someone from another bank account drew it all out but the twenty.

Armed with this knowledge I go next door to tell my mother the three hundred bucks she thought she had was gone and it wasn’t my fault.
That’s the important part, “Not my fault”.

My mother didn’t take the news well.
She was pissed and it didn’t help having my father sitting there saying the banks always steal your money.
After lunch we went to the bank to see what this was all about.
The teller we saw confirmed what I suspected and said we had to fill out forms to start an investigation but she couldn’t that day because the manager was gone for the long weekend.
We said fine and we would be back.
Today we went back.

We are at the bank talking to the manager and she is bringing up my mothers account and telling us that it was a regular deposit but I told her she got the same thing in her cheque account and when she checked she saw I was right.
She went back a month and saw where I deposited the money and where all of it was withdrawn along with the three hundred.

The manager asked if anyone else used the account and she said no.
She has had this account for forty years and it’s hers and only hers.
My parents are sneaky about their money.
They both squirrel little stashes away so they can get what they want but they also do their best to get the other to spend his when they need something for the house.
It’s funny to watch.
It’s like some chicken dance chess game they way they move around each other in circles and when they get the other to spend money they think they won but they never do because concessions have to be made and trust me They will nag each other until the debt is paid in full HA, HA, HA.

As we filled in the forms the manager continued to look at her account and told my mother that this account was a joint account with someone else.
My mother say no,
She was the only one.
The manager said no because the person who took the money was in the bank to withdraw the money but first paid some bills before he took the rest.
My mother insisted that it wasn’t a joint account and hers only.
So my mother asked who I Walker was and I said that it was my father and my mother freaked out.
She asked why he was on her account and the manager said that it was a joint account with him as the primary.
When I explained that to her she had a conniption.

She demanded to have him removed but the manager said she couldn’t do that being as it was his account.
Oh yeah that made her even happier.

Forty some odd years ago, my parents decided that banking their money under the mattress wasn’t working out especially when they found me eati9ng a fifty once and fifty bucks back then was like a thousand.
I tell you, my old man beat the cents out of me.
Now a days you eat a twenty and it’s like swallowing a quarter.
They went to the bank together to open and account each but their English sucked so what they managed to is open a joint account where my mother has been using the cheque side of it and my father the savings side without realizing they have the same account.
The whole time they think they have been hiding their money from each other and its all been right there they just never checked.

She asked about her money and the manager said she would have to talk to my father about that.
My mother looked at her then signed her form and passed it to the manager.
The manager said she didn’t need to fill it out any more.
My mother just looked at her and said he stole her money, put him in jail.

As we were driving home I saw her fishing through her suitcase of a purse looking for something.
She must have opened 20 little fucken pockets and zippers before she found what she was looking for.
Next think I know I hear her saying on the cell phone, “Wait when I get home you thief and I want to know what you did with my money”.

That’s when my cell phone went off, it was the garage telling me the car was ready so I rushed my mother home and ran as soon as the fireworks started to get my car.
$668 and the car had two new windows.
I opened it and sat down.
It was like a fucken oven in the car so I turned on the engine and pushed the auto window down button.
It dropped like a sack of shit and it wouldn’t go up.
Why not….

Have a nice day

P.S. if you haven’t being seeing me around as much it’s because family issues are still keeping all of us here tied up most of the time but I have slowly stopped in on most of you.
I noticed I even got an award in my travels, which I will post and thank Barbed Wire for in my next post.
I miss reading a lot of what you all have to say or show “wink”



Peter said...

First cab off the rank today!!!
Your parents (in fact your whole family) just break me up with their antics Walker.

Anonymous said...

I think husbands and wives having separate bank accounts is more common than you seem to think, Walker. I don't know if it started out that way with my parents, but I know that eventually they had different ones. I can remember my mom going to a PO Box my father didn't know about to get the bank statement that she purposely had sent there instead of home.

Maybe this all began after they started going to the casinos back in the 1980s and didn't want the other to know how much they really won (or lost, for that matter). Wonder if, now that my father is gone, my mom would tell me why if I asked.

I do know, though, that back when my parents were a young couple that women were treated more like their husband's possession and that they couldn't do anything without the husband's signing off on it, which is probably why your father is the primary on that account.

~dLb~ said...

It's nice to see you around once in a while.

Anonymous said...

p.s., perfect song

Monogram Queen said...

First off the tennis racket/strainer - remind me to never eat at your house! LOL ;)

I love stories about your parents. I am glad it was your Dad though and not some random stranger. That kind of stuff scares me!!!

Hugs in your family issues my friend.

Heff said...

That's a fucked up story, dude !

Leah said...

omfg, that is unbelievable.

Hang in there Walker.


BlazngScarlet said...


That is classic!
I love your parents.


Just telling it like it is said...

I understand sometime life goes that way!!!

Just telling it like it is said...

But miss you!!!!

BikerCandy said...

Classic story Walker! I really wish I could meet your parents. Of course they probably wouldn't want to meet the white girls from the states. Maybe if I learned Greek I could fool them...probably not huh?

gab said...

Thank you Walker for making me laugh today I really needed it. (you can check out my new post when you have the time)
It surely reminded me of when I was 5 and my dad had 3 banks to make sure my mom would never find his money. Trouble was she had the checkbooks and always signed his name and no one ever bothered to check to see if it was ok with him. I think this was probably before they started using those signature cards.Either way dad never complained and mom paid the bills with dad's check book and every now and again bought trinkets from Avon. They were happy and I guess thats what matters.