blue moon (2)

Friday, March 05, 2010

The Pill ©

I’m getting old and fate is getting some payback.
I shouldn’t be bitching, a lot of parents go through some of the shit I'm going through.
Among my friends and family I am somewhat of an anomaly when it comes to raising kids.

I have my own rules, some that are hypocritical to some of my views but I believe in bending the rules on certain occasions.
I know over the years I have bent more than my share.

Some of my friends think I’m nuts and try to give me advice.
Advice from a bunch of guys who have never had to take care of anyone other than themselves and they’re doing a piss poor job of that, so I don’t think so.

My family thinks I have no idea what I am doing.
Who does?
Most of the time we wing it and hope everything works out.

My friends and family think I should raise kids with an iron fist.
Yeah…my father did that and look where that got me.
I remember the beatings that were meant to teach me.
Only thing it taught me was it hurts but after a while when I closed me eyes I felt nothing and I took that with me for many years to come.

Violence has been part of my life from almost the time I was born and for many years after when I lived in it.
I wouldn’t want to dish that out on my kids.
I didn’t like it so why would they?

I don’t believe it’s my job to raise my kids.
I believe it’s my job to guide my kids along the way to adulthood and eventually independence by letting them raise themselves.
We put the tit in their mouths when they are babies until they can one day hold a fork in the hand.
Then they can feed themselves while you have your dinner with everyone else for a change.
In time they will make their own food and you may even get a morsel thrown at you once in a while.

When they first moved in with me my friends and family said, “You wild womanizing days are over”.
“You now have two daughters to think about”.
They went on to tell me that I have to act a certain way so that they could learn how to act properly.

For about three months I tip toed around my kids acting like someone I didn’t know.
Part of me was here but part of me wasn’t and I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.
I mean I enjoy life.
I like going out and enjoying the day.
Go shopping; check out the women while walking around.
I love women, always will and enjoy some of the sexual banter we throw around while waiting in line somewhere for our turn to pay and get out.

Fuck, I rather ask the old lady in front of me at the bank if her nipples get harder in this cold weather than stand there like a dummy sniffing the bengay in the air.
She said yes.

I’ve always been like this with people.
I speak what’s on my mind and some people get shocked at first if they don’t know me but usually I have them laughing so it doesn’t matter what I say.
To stop being that way, wasn’t me.

After a couple of months I sat here thinking about what was going on and questioned who I was and am.
I had locked myself up in the house and rarely ventured out.
There were lots of problems to work out, mine and the kids problems but I wasn’t getting anywhere.
The old Walker would have done it all but this new Walker was falling behind.
It was like my confidence was gone.
I was sputtering around like my father who used to disappear when women’s issues came up because it was a woman’s business and should be dealt with by women.

My kid needed tampons, what should I do, take her to my 80-year-old mother and tell her to take her to the pharmacy to get her tampons.
Last time my mother bought pads they were those Kotex pads that looked more like a life preserver than a menstrual pad.

So I decided I was done with not being myself and off I went to get her tampons.
You don’t have to be a stranger to deal with life.
Issues will come up and the only way you can deal with them is head on and as yourself not someone you’re not.

When it comes to personal matters I want to talk straight up with my kids from an equal position not a dominant one.
The last thing I want is to tell them what to do but I will offer an opinion for them to use as they wish.
I don’t make their choices for them.
I listen to their questions and give my opinions on what they asked me about and that’s all because if you tell them what to do and it goes wrong, then it’s your fault then the only thing they have learned is not to trust your judgment.

By letting them make the choice on their own with the information they have from you and other sources they get to make a logical decision.
One that they can be happy they made and pat themselves on the back or only themselves to blame if it doesn’t pan out.
It’s part of the learning process I believe.

I stood in front of this huge wall with all sorts of tampons and pads from 100 different companies.
For light days, heavy days, sports, thins, S, M, L, XL, roll of bounty.
I stood there for about an hour looking.
I was a man standing in front of the tampon section of the pharmacy reading the back of every fucken box so as to make sure I got the right one.

I didn’t know what to do in this situation.
It’s not like I can stand there until a woman that’s looks like the same size as my daughter walks up so I can ask her what size tampons she uses so I can get the same one’s for my daughter.
Probably get me arrested.

So after all that time, I went with the nice looking box.
Kotex Sport Tampons.
The box looked cool but what size do I get.
I mean she is a tall kid, about 5-10.
It could be like shoes.
The bigger you are the bigger your feet are.
So I get the large and go home.

When she gets home from school I gave her the box thinking she would be happy but no, she freaks out because they are to big.
I guess its not like shoes.
Ok, Ok I didn’t know.
Gezz, I tried but you know, it’s all a learning experience so a month later when I am shopping I buy and box of mediums.
See I learn.

When she gets home from school I surprise her with them.
She freaks out on me.
What the fuck, what now?
Well it seems that because she wore the big ones for a month the medium size ones are too small now.
“So what does this mean, it’s my fault your pussy stretched”?

That was a year ago.
Since then a lot of things have changed.
The girls think I am nuts.
Their friends think I am cool and D2 is comfortable enough with me today to come up to me and says, “I need birth control”.

How big is “THAT” wall going to be.
Better get my reading glasses out.

This is what happens when you buy the large tampons instead of the medium ones.

I didn’t freak out.
She’s 18 now and I rather know what she is up to and safe rather than in a lot of trouble so next week I will see if I can get an appointment with a youth councilor at the young sexual health clinic so she can choose a form of contraception.

Some fathers would freak out about this I guess.
I didn’t.
I expected it to happen some day and I am happy she trusts me enough to come and ask for help before something happened.
I like to think that this is the way to raise kids and I hope she can raise hers one day to trust her.

Maybe I am weird, who knows.

Have a nice weekend



Puss-in-Boots said...

God, that sounds so familiar. Like you, I have two daughters and their teenage years were fraught with traps for the unwary...parent that is.

From what you say, Walker, I think you're being a fantastic dad. Like I did, you chose not to bring your children up the way you were brought up. No one's perfect, but I like to think I did a little better and I hope my girls think they're doing better with their children than I did with them.

I have wonderful grandkids so I think their parents have done a pretty good you're doing.

Congratulations and keep on being you, your daughters will respect you for that.

All the best

Anonymous said...

I don't think parents will ever be perfect. Otherwise, what we have to complain about when we were teenagers? I like Puss-in-Boots attitude and agree with what she said. Each generation improves a little more. My parents weren't great either, but definitely better than their parents, and really, us kids all managed to become adults without any major issues. So, what our parents did, or didn't do, that we griped so much about when we were younger, really didn't matter in the scheme of things.

Being able to have two-way communication with your kids is great. Keep plugging away and follow your instincts.

Boxer said...

I wish I could have had that kind of relationship with my parents at that age.

You clearly have done some things right. ;-)

Peter said...

If you are weird Walker there should be more of it around.

Megan said...

Why are you the one buying the tampons?

Am I missing something?

Just telling it like it is said...

I recommend the medical dictionary...picture included

Bennu said...

Well she is 18 now, so good for her... for coming to you. Good for you for looking at it the way you do.
I miss you my friend, I am starting to blog again, in other places, but will post again on Bennu soon, and on Facebook... hope to see you around.

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: Like any father I freak out because they are my kids but then I remember what i was like and what went through and try not to repeat that.

The fact that she is now 18 and I had sex for the first time when I was 13 says a lot right there.
She waited much longer.
Now to make sure no accidents happen that would slow down her continued growth into adulthood.

Walker said...

Skye: Communication is the binding factor of the family structure.
The more communication the stronger the bonds.
There has to be a lot more understanding and less freaking out.

Walker said...

Boxer: So do I but they came from a different society with a much different point of view.
It doesn't mean I have to be that way though.
I am not a monkey see monkey do kind of person.
In fact I go to great lengths not to copy what other people are doing.

My parents believed if you spare the rod you spoil the kid.

I believe if you alienate your kids you get what you deserve down the road.

Walker said...

Peter: Well, I try to do things the complete opposite of what my parents did and to them and many others think I am weird, among other things but I don;t really give a crap what people think as long as I know i am doing it for the good.

Walker said...

Megan: Yes you've missed a few posts.
SAhe doesn't work and I have the only money and do the shopping so I have the pleasure of buying tampons among other female needs.
You;re thinking why don't you give her the money.
I used to and she would come home with everything but bullets and would need to buy the,m anywhere.
Besides I go to costco now and buy them by the crate.

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: I tried that, she colored clothes on the pictures

Walker said...

Bennu: I do what i need to do and I do it to make life easier for her and me.
Nice to see you and to hear you still blog.

I hate facebook......

BikerCandy said...

Ah yes...I can remember the time I had to send Hot Rod out to buy the girls some tampons. He had the same problems you did. Our conversation went something like this over the phone:
Him: There are hundreds of different types, which ones do I get?
Me: I'm not sure what they are called, but they are in a blue box.
Him: There are at least 50 different blue boxes...I'm buying this one (mentions brand and type), is that right.
Me: Sure...why not...(thinking to myself, I'll just go back to the store tomorrow and get the right ones)

Ha ha ha

I'm proud of you though. It's difficult sometimes to be a good parent and to be yourself at the same time. It speaks volumes that you are trying to do exactly that though. Good job!

BlazngScarlet said...

You know you're doing an awesome job just by the fact that she came to you to say she needed birth control.
I never would have gone to my father.
I just took care of it myself.
I've told you before, but it always bears repeating, you're doing fantastic.
The girls are obviously comfortable with who you are, which is good.
We all think you rock! ;D

Oh, and by the way, tampons do not stretch out pussies.
Now childbirth .....

Tamara said...

Your such a trip !!lol....I call the pad "saddles" cuz thats what they feel like...LOL