blue moon (2)

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Kids... ©

Kids say and do the darnest things.
You hear people say it and we have all experienced it.
You see stuff like, a two year old running up to his mother in a crowd of guests screaming, “Mom I need a new condom, I am came” then bursts out in tears.
All the women in the room nod with a dawning of realization.
“So that’s why….”

It’s traumatic at times.
Stunned Walker: Tell me why you stuffed the M&Ms in your pussy again?
Seven year old stepdaughter: I didn’t want my brother to find them.
Speechless Walker:…………………………………..
Seven year old stepdaughter: Now I can’t get them out and I’m, hungry
Alert Walker: What the fuck do you mean they won’t come out?
Seven year old stepdaughter: “They’re stuck” and she starts crying
Panicking Walker: What do you want me to do?!
Seven year old stepdaughter: Take them out
Walker: LIKE FUCK I WILL!!!!!

Three hours later her mother comes home.

EX: How was your day.
Relaxed Walker: good and yours?
EX: long and hard
Comforting Walker: Ah, let me rub your feet.
EX: Where’s “Seven year old stepdaughter”?
Informative Walker: In the bathroom
EX: What’s she doing there?
Forthcoming Walker: Soaking in hot water for the last three hours
EX: Why has she been soaking in hot water?
Knowledgeable Walker: Trying to melt the half pack of M&Ms she stuffed in her pussy
EX: what, WHAT, what, did she do…..when…..did they melt
Disappointed Walker: No, they're peanut.

The other day I am laying on the couch watching TV and D1 starts laughing.
Then she asks me what my name was, my real one so I tell her and she starts laughing again.
Seems that one of her friends forwarded a link to her called Urban dictionary.
You put your name in and it tells you what your name means or represents, some shit like that.

So she put mine in: “A female character in Soul Calibur who has jiggly boobs that move like sacks of pudding”.
Great……..I think I’ll head off upstairs and play with my boobs but before I do I bought another tea pot today.
I have bad luck with teapots and keep breaking them.
So I went out to Winners the other day and found one I liked.
Actually my mother did.
She showed it to me and I did like it was black and big enough for about six cups so I could sit on the couch and not have to run for more in the kitchen.
But there was on problem there was no lid.
Then my mother found another one that was the same but in white, with the lid but it was white.
As much as I needed the teapot I didn’t want it in white so we left.

We wandered around for an hour while my mother looked for a purse then finding none she like we made our way back to the door but the whole time I was thinking of the teapot.
I told my mother to wait for me at the door and I would be right back and went back for the teapot.
Fifteen minutes later I walked out with it and gave it to my mother to hold.
She looked in the bag to see which one I got and saw it was the black teapot with the white lid.

Lets go girls…….fucken phone
Every time…..fuck fuck fuck

Hello, what?
Where are you?
What the fuck do you mean there is gunfire?
Where are you now?

It’s D2

On the bus, yeah ok?
Why are you on the wrong bus?
You missed yours
So why are you on the wrong bus?
Because this one was following your bus and you thought it would catch it
Then when it did catch up your bus turned right and the other one went left.
I see
What about the gunfire?
It was fireworks for Winterlude?
I see
Yeah yeah
Listen Ummm I got to go play with my boobies.
No she’s not
No, no
Next week
Yeah I know
I’m weird
You just keep racing busses……..

Have a nice weekend



Puss-in-Boots said...

Peanut M & Ms WHERE????. You are joking, aren't you?...are't you?... I've heard of kids sticking all sorts of things in various orifices, but that's a new one...

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: No I am not kidding and they don't melt there either.
Only in your mouth not your hand or pussy.
Kids are very innovative.

Boxer said...

So, I didn't have children by choice and there are times when I wonder if I made the right decision and times I wonder what kind of crazy hell I'd be in right now if I did have them.

Your posts always give me make me feel is was both a good and not so good choice. :-)

Tamara said...

OMG!That reminds me of my daughter pushing several of those small marshmellows up her nose and screaming while I had to use a bobby pin to get them out!lol...But the kid hiding M&M's in her kitty cat? She must have been to jail before,cuz thats where you hide your sleep aid!!lol(AKA Xanax & Valium),maybe even a roll of
NOT that I know how this works or anything.
BTW,that tune in the background sounds like the typical stripper music...ummm...NOT that I would be familiar with THAT

BlazngScarlet said...


I love your world! :D

It reminds me of my then 3 year old, The boy, dropping trou in the backyard and taking a dump.
Well, the dog does.

Just telling it like it is said...

With Children you never know... ask my sister she didn't find out where they were coming from until she had her 5th child

Peter said...

No doubt about the innovations that kids come up with!!!

Shana said...

THings sure are interesting at your house.

Walker said...

Boxer: I wouldn't change anything.
Not having any kids would have given my more time on my hands to find ways to get myself killed I think
Probably by some husband or 20

Walker said...

Tamara : I know alot of doctors who have stories of pulling coins from noses and ears.
Uh huh I wonder how you WOULD know its stripper music.
I guess with coins replacing dollar bills stripper may have to get them stuff someplace else since the G-String wont hold them :P

Walker said...

BlazngScarlet : I can see his point. I mean why should the dog have more rights and freedoms and I think you should put on of those shock collars on him too LOL

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: HA HA HA
So waking up 20 pounds lighter with a bundle of joy next to her must have been the baby fairy replaces the big belly

Walker said...

Peter: That's what happen with little experience and lots of unproven ideas running around loose in their empty heads

Walker said...

Shana:This is normal, you should see when its gets exciting HA HA HA

Liane said...

oh my gosh... kids and their logic, eh? hope all is fine and didn't do any harm to the little one... what will they come up with next, I ask you ?!

gab said...

my youngest son put a brite lite peg up his nose. I tried and tried to get it out myself but in the end I had to take him to ER They really tried hard not to laugh but there were som many snickers and I finally said Ok Im passed upset so go ahead and laugh. Once it was out I was able to laugh myself but then I got upset and yelled at the poor kid. To this day they are still telling me how this all came about,each time all 3 kids adding a little more that they forgot the last several years of telling me. (youngest son is 31 and he was about 4 or 5 when it happened)
Walker..............this thing about playing with your boobies? are you trying to tell us something? like your having a sex change? or maybe your a girl all alone and here we thought you were male all this time? Oh I missed the whole thing about names? Mine was terrible I got it from another Blogger but on facebook.

Susan said...

My girl stuck a peanut up her nose and had to get a Dr. to take it out. But that just wasnt as funny as your tale!

Shana said...

You know, when I wrote that in the snow, My Guy was actually peeing and I asked him how come HE wasn't writing anything. I did say that next time I would collect it and use a squeeze bottle or something!!!

Shana said...

Speaking of dumb rules, No back packs are allowed either.
So far, 2 teachers don't care and she brings her purse in. The other 2 teachers don't want the purses, so my daughter brings in her little plastic bag!!

Walker said...

Liane: She was fine just her mother had to go in and fish them out.
Better her than me eh but its a good thing she got home, the next attempt to dislodge them would have been with the garden hose.

Walker said...

gab: No Sex change for mew and if I really did have my own boobs I would never leave the house HA HA HA

Walker said...

Susan: I promise you it wasn't funny when it happened only later when they were out of there did we laugh.
I'm just happy she wasn't eating jawbreakers

Walker said...

Shana: That's an idea but bring 4 bottles filled with different color water and tell him to wait a sec and make a rainbow.
That should impress him.

Not letting girls bring purses to school is just ridiculous in my opinion.
Some principles think they have been elected to the highest position in government and rule like they are presidents or Prime Ministers.
Rules are good if they are good rules

Teresa said...

This might be the cure of me wanting to eat M&Ms.