blue moon (2)

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

What To Write About? ©

What to write about hmmmmmm.
Oh I have an Idea.
I’m going to write a post for Peter of Holtie’s house.

He asked me a question a couple of posts ago about how many of my posts are stories.
Many of them are but not all of them are true but even the fiction I write has a lot of truth in it.
I do like writing a piece of fiction once in a while like my Sex Talks or Antique Stories just to exercise my mind not to pretend I am a writer.

OH and speaking of Sex Talks, D1’a boyfriend has been wanting to get a look at my blog but she told him I only let strangers read it.
I guess she means you weirdos.

Anyway she didn’t tell him but one day got a glimpse of my blog on my computer and tied the name of the blog with the address at the top of the screen making it easy for him to find at home.
Sounds easy, doesn’t it?
May look that way but it wasn’t.
You see, when I first started this blog I made a mistake.

I created two web addresses and then choose the wrong one to use for my blog.
The one you see up there is, http://losthearandbeyond.blogspot.com/ instead of http://losthereandbeyond.blogspot.com/.
By the time I realized my goof up I had posts up and people reading so I said fuck it but I kept the other one as well.
In fact, it still looks like the old LHAB template, as I never changed it.
Ok, I’m a little nostalgic.
Not only did I bring it to life but I also posted a post on it.

Now, only I knew that story and now many of you do to but D1’s boyfriend didn’t so he went home and typed it in with HERE instead of HEAR and ended up at the other blog and read this post.

As he was reading it he was Iming with D1 and sending her clips of the post even though after reading one sentence she begged him to stop but apparently he insisted.
He should have asked me, I mean I have nothing to hide.
I only post my twisted version of the truth.
So yeah, he read my Opera.

He’s probably still brushing his mouth.
Oh, speaking of teeth brushing.
Man did I screw up on the holidays.
I don’t know if I forgot to tell you about this or if I was to embarrassed to at the time.
That and I have a nice little buzz on right now.

My mother loves her new toothbrush.
This year I decided to get her one of those oral B rechargeable toothbrushes that way I could tease her she is getting oral ever morning.
Being the smart one I decided to get Inia one to but a little different than my mothers.
Christmas eve I had a few and sat down to wrap up gifts.
This year to make life easier I got boxes to put gifts in making it easier to wrap those odd shaped gifts.
Making it even easier, I wrapped everyone gift in their own paper so I knew who’s gift was what.
You plan carefully and everything comes out just right.
Yeah, right.

Somewhere amidst all the smoke and beer I somehow, got the two toothbrushes mixed up.
I know what you’re saying in your heads.
So what, it’s toothbrushes?
Yeah I know but like I said the one for Inia was……special.

Yeah…..we were all next door when we opened our gifts; everyone was laughing and tearing paper apart like the Hulk and then my mother opened hers.
The room went silent.
She looked at it and was happy as hell.
She said she always wanted an electric toothbrush.
My brother and SIL stood there, mouths hanging.
My father took it from my mother’s hand and turned it on to see it work.
He old her it was going to knock out her last two teeth.

I’m telling you, she loves it so much she shows it to all my aunts and uncles when they stop by.
Inia loves hers to.

My mother’s new cordless toothbrush.



So as you can see I kind of messed up.

It’s not like I haven’t done it before.

There was this one time I had to go to a wedding in place of my parents because theu couldn’t make it so I found myself off to this thing knowing no one really.
I’m like the black sheep of the family so no one really knows me.
My aunt saw me last year at a funeral and asked me who I was and almost fainted when I told her.
She practically raised me for the first 16 years of my life.

So anyway, I get to the church a little earlier than I was supposed to be there.
I’m always punctual and it’s a good thing to because the wedding had already started.
So I run in and sit down in the back of the church and hide from God while checking out the bride’s ass as she walks down the aisle a lot longer.
Yeah, yeah I know, I’m, shameless.

I sat there through out the service and joined in the line to congratulate them happy couple.
I didn’t know them but I figure they needed all the luck they could get.
After the service I went out to the car and waited for them to pull out and followed the wedding procession to the dinning hall where the reception was to be held.

Back then things were a little different
You went in and sat at a table with your family.
There were no place cards or any of the fancy shit they have now.
Being private I sat near the back, close to the open bar.
Dinner was a seven-course meal with roast beef as the main course.
Tons of pastries and all the booze I could drink.
.
.I have to say I managed to have a good time.
Someone asked me whose side of the family I was there with and I told them the bride’s as my pare3nts had said to me.
We had a great time and I was a little sad to leave around 1 am but I recall I was a little drunk and driving.
Back then it wasn’t as frowned upon, it should have.
Anyhow, I walked up to the bride and groom and wished the forever happiness and gave them the money filled envelope my mother gave me to give them, then left.

The end

Not really.

About a month after the wedding my mother calls me over and when I get there she shows me this card she got in the mail from some people she doesn’t know.
Thanking her for going to their wedding and for their generous gift.

My mother looks at me and asks what this was?
Me, my mind was spinning back in time.

OK, this is what happened.
Me and my got to be there on time and arrived thirty minutes early arrived to the wedding that was before the one I was SUPPOSED to attend.
Seems they were behind.

Oh well, what can I say?
OOPS!!!!

So where was I, ah yeah.
What to write about and my idea.
Yeah, so, I just told you three stories and one of them is true.

Which one is it?

Have a nice day

Walker

36 comments:

Fire Byrd said...

Good to see your as weird as ever!
xx

Walker said...

Fire Byrd: I only know how to be weird.
Isn't that today's normal?

Leah said...

hahah, you totally cracked me up. And your soundtrack is great today.

Just telling it like it is said...

And that is precisely how I feel...half truth and something a little extra..
Nipple flash...small and cut...no hair

Walker said...

Leah: Thanks, I tried ;)

Monogram Queen said...

I am still snickering over that toothbrush!!!!

PBS said...

As always, good stories. And only one is true?

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is : But are they hard like marbles and strong enough to hold a guy up by the nose? ;)

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: It a multifunctional tool and makes sure you can get to ALL the cavities

Walker said...

PBS: Well hello stranger.
Yes only one is true but which one ;)

Peter said...

Hi Walker, thanks for your rather unique answer to my question, I sure hope its the last story thats the truth, I can't imagine how tormented D1s boyfriend would be feeling, and I sure as hell wouldn't like to see your mothers last two teeth go missing.
Well written my friend.

Liane said...

LLLOOOLLL.. you are such a goof.. so which story is the true story? I kinda like the last one..too funny!!!

BlazngScarlet said...

I want the toothbrush.

Shannon said...

Nice toothbrush.... I would like something like that I do believe. And that joint you mentioned on my site? I would also like to share one with you right now. Might help with, well, whatever!

Walker said...

Peter : I am more than happy to answer questions.
Just beware of the answers lol

Walker said...

Liane: Yes the last one was funny.
I have crashed a number of weddings over the years i have to admit

Walker said...

BlazngScarlet: Would you like floss with it too?

Walker said...

Shannon: A joint and a toothbrush, sounds like a fun night playing with the cavities.......

*deni* said...

Weird attracts weird, LMAO!!

Love the toothbrush story!

BikerCandy said...

So, which story is true? I think it's the boyfriend one.

Walker said...

*deni*: You just like having company :P
I bet you do like it HA HA HA

Walker said...

BikerCandy: I'll tell you soon ;)

Cece said...

I'm going to take a gander and guess the first was has at least some truth to it. The toothbrush has a lot of potential. Hearing this song makes me realize I need to change the playlist on my blog. It has too many sappy songs on it now. I'm not so lost anymore, so I think I'll have to pep it up a bit. Oh and thanks for the B.day wishes. xoxo Cece

skye said...

The first two have too many details, so I'm going with Story #3. The other two may have kernels of truth in them, but they are exaggerated.

Entertaining as always.

Joanna Cake said...

Yup, #3!! I wish it could have been the toothbrush tho :) With my penchant for the Oral B, that would had me giggling :)

Thank you for changing your link so promptly x

gab said...

I A M N O T A W E I R D O

Walker said...

Cece: I try and put a different song every post to reflect my mood rather than the post.

Walker said...

skye : I think they are all pretty plausible and i always run at the mouth.
Better that running from the other end. :S

Walker said...

Joanna Cake: Yes I a, sure you like the toothbrush.
With a little fish netting and flossing could be achieved as well

Walker said...

gab: I believe you

Tom Bailey said...

Ok, I liked the oral every morning joke in the big picture these are extremely minor mistakes in life.

Your blog is always fun to read because you are a natural at weaving entertaining and humorous stuff into your life stories. The way you communicate in your blog always makes it a great genuine read.

Thanks for sharing.
The tootbrush story reminded me of a toothbrush story of what some hotel service people did with people that tried to cheat them... they used a camera that they found and toothbrushes and took photos with the camera of these cheapskate travelers... you can imagine what the travelers found on the camera photos when they developed them.

You have a blog with a great force that is always present.

Tom Bailey

BlazngScarlet said...

I have my own "special" floss ;)

But thanks for the offer! :)

Walker said...

Tom Bailey:Thank you, the only force on this blog comes from those who stop by to read.
I write funny posts and I use the term "funny" loosely because it is much harder to make people laugh i think.

But I do enjoy it, there is enough heartache out there with out any more being added.

Walker said...

BlazngScarlet: Hmmmm special floss eh, ok.

nachtwache said...

Thanks for the belly laugh! Love your mom's Christmas gift, LOL!! You're a funny guy :) Some of us can mess up even without smoking the stink weed, don't need to, we're naturally high :D
Take care!

Nishant said...

: I only know how to be weird.

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