blue moon (2)

Friday, May 15, 2009

Lizard Hears A Peep ©

Ring Ring

Groan…….

Hello
What?
Who the fuck is this?
What?
Hold on……..

HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!

It’s fucken 8:30 A fucken M.
Your ass better be greased to be waking me up at eight fucken thirty
You have a question?
If it’s, “Are you pissed for waking you up at 8: fucken 30”, the answer is “YES”.
So what’s you damn question?

Say what?
Hold on a second, I got to get my glasses I hear better with them on.
Ok, now say that again.
Uhhhhhhh huh, that’s what I thought you said.

Are you on crack or something like that?
Acid maybe?
PCP
Peanut butter?

Let me understand this correctly.
You have this cat house on your balcony for you cats and you let them out because the weather is so nice and you found that a bird had used the inside as a nest and now one of your cats is sitting on the eggs and incubating them.
I see……………is the cat’s name Horton?
Lizard……I see……

If you ever call me at this time of the morning again I’m going to set your phone on vibrate and make you swallow it then put you on auto redial, bye.

What do you mean wait?
WTF do you want to tell you?
You want to know if the cat will hatch the eggs and treat them as her kittens or should I say birtens.
Lizard’s a he, I see.

Listen to me very careful.
You live in an apartment with six fucken cats.
Cats, do you understand that?

CATS

Lizard, is not incubating the eggs to become a mommy.
He’s calling first dibs on the squab.
Fuck, he probably ate mommy first which isn’t unusually to see pussy swallowing the bird.

I don’t know what you should do.
Got any bacon?
I’m going back to bed.
Sick fucken people.

9:30am

Ring Ring

Bloody hell

Hello

Didn’t I tell you not to call me this early?
You knew I was awake.
Of course you knew I was awake you fucken woke me up.
What is it now?
Your fish is stuck in the alligator skeleton and you don’t know what to do.
You are on drugs aren’t you?
No, no, no you say you don’t do drugs but you have to be if not then you fucken need them.
I don’t know what to do, throw the fucken eggs at it.

Now leave ME ALONE, Inia’s stopping by to go to the Tulip Festival then back home to plant ours, so DON’T call again. until Tuesday.
Yeah, Tuesday.
Because we got a lot of planting to do.

Have a nice weekend

Walker

12 comments:

gab said...

I planted today too LMAO! Actually both ways OMG did I just say that? I gotta quit before I dig myself into a hole. Too late you say? OMG did you just wake up?

Fire Byrd said...

Weird friends, weird pets, weird life... enjoy!

having my cake said...

Im confused... :)

having my cake said...

... but it wasn't me that called, honest!

Suzanne said...

What an interesting life. Leave the cat alone. Leave the eggs along. Oh, and you lazy bastard, get the hell out of bed. Geeeeeeeeze. *Smacks alarm clock of Walker's forehead.* There ya go. Now you're up.

Suzanne said...

That wasn't supposed to be "of," it was supposed to be "on." Leave me alone. I do my best honey.

Boxer said...

I answer the phone before 8:00 am and after 9:00 pm this way.

"It's 8:00 a.m in the mornign, what the fuck do you want?"

YOU have a great weekend. xoxo.

Tammi said...

Yup! That does it.Your caller needs to share the "fun"...this wine cooler isn't working!
Do like me,and pretend you just don't hear the friggin' phone...matter- of fact...people often ask me why even HAVE a home and a cell!lol
Cept' my kiddo's.I have to take their calls,but even THEY know better than to call early(on my day off) unless its important.lol

nachtwache said...

Yeah, put your phone on silent, not only won't you have to answer it, it won't wake you up.
Was that someone you knew? You must have left a few details out because I'm a tad confused too. But then you were looking foreward to gardening and a bit distracted :P

Peter said...

What can you expect from someone who calls you at 8.30am??????

Tammi said...

Looking 4 your email...
so quickest way to go is here.....
QUESTION:
How do u get that thingy on the sidebar where it shows pictures of visitors?? It's so cool!

Tammi said...

it shows pix n dates,I think in alphabetical order....?