blue moon (2)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Parent Vs Teachers ©

Complain, complain, complain
A guy can’t get fucked for eighty or ninety hours without someone whining that I haven’t been around.
Well fine, I’m cuming now so are you happy?
I know I am.

Ok, I guess you want to hear what happened at the parent teacher meeting now.
Nothing much really happened to be honest with you.
We walked into the school and the first part of the interviews was held in the cafeteria so D2 led the way there and as I walked in I spied this buxom beauty who took up more space on the table with her boobs than the paperwork in front her.

I looked and asked D2 who Busty Barb was and she looked at her feet then said it was her history teacher.
AH HA!!!!!!
I knew she was holding out on me.

I walked over to the teacher trying to recall what D2 had told me about her history teacher and how she hates the work "like".
What I needed to remember was to look at her eyes and not her tits.
That’s going to be easy, NOT.

We walked up to the table and when she saw us approaching she began to stand out of the chair I could hear the table creaking from the weight of her boobs being lifted off of it.
From the get go I was screwed.
I did it all right.
I looked into her eyes as she crooked her elbow and extended her hand to me.
I kept looking at her face as I reached out then poked her tit.
Well fuck, she only moved her hand a bit and her freakin boob was sticking out farther than her hand.
Why couldn’t she just stick her arm out there like everyone else but NOOOOOOOO she had to crook the arm and set the trap?

D2 didn’t miss it and I know the teacher didn’t and I quickly apologized but she said it was fine it happens all the time.
Uh huh, I bet it does.

We talked about how she was doing in class.
I knew she wasn’t doing well and her teacher confirmed it but she said she tries and participates in class, she just doesn’t seem like she was interested in history.
I told her that this was her first introduction to history, as she had never opted to take it before until now because it was a required credit.

We both went into the importance of history and before you know it we were reciting movies D2 could watch that might help her.
As we both got comfortable with each other I asked her about her dislike of the word “like”.
She looked at D2 and laughed.
She said she was tired of it being used every second word.
I told her about my distaste for the phrase, ”What ever”.
She said that was her second peeve.

The ten minutes came and went and we still were there bouncing history tit bits back and forth for another ten minute when D2 said we were going to be late for the next meeting.
This time I managed to shake her hand without tickling her nipple then D2 took me to the next table and introduced me to her English teacher.

He was nice guy who smiled a lot.
He had only nice things to say about my little con artist.
While we were talking she took out a paperback book she had in her back and passed it to him.
It was a copy of, “Of mice and men”.
I told her that was a good book and she said she borrowed it from the teacher because she didn’t have a copy.
I told her all she had to do was go to my bookcases and find it there.
I do have most of the classics.
That when her teacher asked me about what I have read.
I told him I read nothing in particular but had over 600 westerns and a lot of the classics with about another thousand books ranging from Stephen King, J. A. Michener, Clavell, fuck; even L. Ron Hubbard.

I told him I even seen the movies made of “Of Mice and Men” that led to a debate of which one was better.
D2 was sitting there watching as we compared the movies.
In the end we decided that he would be showing them in class for everyone to watch and we shall see which is better and I’m bringing the popcorn for the whole class.

He told me D2 was doing so well in his class he could guaranty she will be getting no less than a 80 if she only show up and recommended she go to college which shocked the fuck out of her.
She wasn’t planning on it but I guess she has one more thing to think about down the road.
I told the teacher I will see him in April and the popcorn was on me.
We shook hands then left the cafeteria and down the hall to the last two meetings in the library.

I asked D2 how I was doing and she rolled her eyes and said better than mom but not by much.
I said her history teacher was good looking.
“She’s married”, was her reply.
I just said she was good looking, no harm in that.
Fuck, even my kids know me.

We walked into the library and straight to her chemistry teacher.
She was a nice looking who dressed like she was in the 50’s.
Even the hair looked Mrs. Cleaverage without the cleavage I might add.
Nice lady who said D2 hadn’t blown up the lab yet.
I assured her she made up for it at home in the kitchen.
D2 just moved to that class so she didn’t have much for marks.
She was bored in her last class; not enough explosives it seems but this class promised at least some smoke.

She D2 says that she was the party of the class.
Judging by the teachers enthusiasm I am sure even wounded a fly would have been a riot compared to her putting them all to sleep.

You know the people I am talking about.
The ones that speak slow and drawn out.
The ones that could put a raging crowd to sleep.
The ones that are drunk and dancing naked on top of the table after one beer.
I thanked her for the talk and she said she wished she could have told me more but D2 hasn’t been in her class long enough for her to really know.

As we walked away I looked at D2 and she squinted her eyes back at me before she told me she was married too.
Damn, we could have just gone out for one beer.

The next teacher was her drama teacher but she was already with a parent so we took a seat and started reading some magazines.
I had just found an interesting article about the mating habits of a sperm whale, you know, people are terrified of sharks but personally, if I saw a sperm whale swimming at me with a twelve foot long hard on I’d freak out more and be scared of becoming a Souvlaki.

This piercing scream erupts from behind my head wiping out what little hearing I had left in my right ear.
I turned expecting to see some skinny ass teenybopper but instead there was a 40ish woman high on happy pills with arms and tits flapping all over the place screeching “D2 D2 D2”.
Holy fuck I though, “how long has she been failing high school”?

The woman blasted past me and was all over D2 then she introduced her to me as her French teacher.
The teacher had this magnificent smile on her face, which pre-warned you to what was coming next and that was this bubbly, boisterous personality that erupts like a volcano blowing it’s top off.
Everyone could hear her in the library, so much for silence.

Her and D2 were chattering back and forth like two teenagers with a hot tip on some gossip then she turned and told me they were going to the key club convention together.
She saw my excitement and I said yes as soon as I get D2 on the bus the strippers are coming over.
Her teacher laughed and told D2 her dad was quite the kidder.
D2 looked her straight in the eyes and told her that I wasn’t kidding.
She looked back at me and I winked back at her teacher.

She reached out and took something I wear around my neck in her hand and asked me about it.
I explained to her what it meant and where I got it.
Then she asked me if that’s what I was and I told her no, I was Greek but D2 had her mother’s name.
Just then her drama teacher waved us over, D2 and I said bye to French teacher then made our escape to La La land.

I’m telling you this.
Teachers either love their jobs when they get into it or become insane after they start and look like they do.
The drama teacher was a cross between the French teacher and the history teacher that was fun to talk to.
We got into the technical conversations about the stage where she was before she went into teaching.
She said it was hard teaching a class with more boys than girls and the parts were so limited because there weren’t enough girls in the class.
More boys took her class because they figured it was an easy credit

Taking in that in for a second I then reminded her that during Shakespeare’s women were not allowed to act so they had to dress men in the parts of women.
Besides I told her, it would serve them right to taking her course thinking it was a cakewalk.
She sat there thinking for a bit and then said that I was right.
Woman used to do the support work and the next play will be an all male production with the girls working in the background.
D2 was laughing her ass off as she listened to what was going to be planned.

That was my longest meeting with a teacher and what should have taken a little over an hour turned into a 3 hours parent teacher meeting which I thoroughly enjoyed and I didn’t saw fuck the whole time.
I say fuck almost every third word.
I told her I could go without swearing.

As we walked down the hallway a bald guy walked towards us and extended a hand to me and introduced himself as the vice principal.
I looked at him and said, “Kojak would be fucken proud of the shine on your nut”.
Fuck, there goes that fuckless streak.

He told me that they have been trying to get D2 to sing for the school but she keeps refusing so I told him if he wanted I could come home and take pictures of her room to use for blackmail.
He said we would love them.
D2 gave me a dirty look.
We shook hands and walked out the front door and drove back home.

Her room has been clean since that day

I want to wish all of you who are celebrating Easter this weekend, a Happy Easter.

Mine is next week as I am Orthodox and we don't call it Easter anymore.
Now we call it cheap chocolate week thanks to you all having it one week earlier.

So lets get cracking.

Have a nice day



Megan said...

I hate those parent-teacher things. Never know what to say. Sounds like you don't have that problem, though!


gab said...

ok wait wait wait whew! I can breath again!
Well First let me tell you if we ever meet in person "KEEP YOUR EYES ABOVE MY CHEST LEVEL" other wise I know what you will be thinking......are those real or implants. I will tell you right now............................................................................AS REAL AS THEY COME BUDDY!

Leah said...

Excellent parent-teacher night, Walker. You have really got a way of doing things that elevates the humdrum and mundane to an art.

Kathryn Magendie said...

OMG -- LAUGHING! Oh, you scamp - you naughty naughty man -- LAUGHING -- I actually did "Laugh Out Loud" - esp the first part, first teacher meeting - laughing...

Oh are something else...*grin*

Fire Byrd said...

Good to know that D2 is doing ok.
And that her dad maintained his dignity !!!!

Susan said...

Mundane gone mad! Thanks for the Laughs.
BTW My mother is going to love your comment on my post!

Lindy said...

So glad to hear all went well with the P/T conference. Watch your back,though. Paybacks, you know? Remember D2 is a chip off the ole block.

Boxer said...

you're a very, very, very bad boy.



Scarlet said...

"bouncing history tit bits"
Mmmm .... knowing how much you LOVE 'history', I bet you had a whole mouthful of bits to share. :)


Suzanne said...

Hey buddy. I could have done without the last damn photo. Jeasus Christ.

You're hilarious. Why you stick around, I have no idea. I don't have big boobs. But I do find you sexy, in an odd sort of way even if you don't find me! I think we might have a chance!!! *Adjusts bra and panties,* No, not really!!! But I can almost speak French. Love history. Speak English. And what's the other one? Who knows. *Plants breasts firmly on table.* Just kidding.

Yes, I do love you! That poor child.

Michael Manning said...

Kojak being mentioned at a PTA conference! OPA!!!

BikerCandy said...

I almost feel sorry for your daughters but not really. I'm sure one day they are going to really appreciate you and all you are. Really...I promise they will. It just takes awhile is all.

Monogram Queen said...

That was another of the good cartoons I usually get to see!

I think you did admirably well at the conferences. That is one thing I DREAD about being a teacher but at least the kids will be small - or does it really matter?

Puss-in-Boots said...

OMG! I've been laughing so much, I'm crying. How do your daughters put up with you, Walker, without busting themselves laughing. I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when you saw the teacher with the big boobs...I have this picture of you in my mind of your eyes almost bugging out with the effort of not looking at her boobs.

Thanks for a good laugh, especially the photo at the that would be interesting progeny!

Just telling it like it is said...

Happy Easter and I expect you to look at my boobs;)

itisi said...

HA! I just knew Busty Barb would get your eyes bugging out!

Sound like you get an A+ on your parent teacher conference. Good for you!

Speaking of books-
Do you have:

Where the Red Fern Grows

The Giver

and one of my favorites---

A Seperate Peace

Peter said...

You've topped the PT meetings class Walker, you're a natural at this parenting.