blue moon (2)

Friday, January 16, 2009

The Mini Car Vac ©

I wasn’t going to post for the weekend but something came up that I couldn’t contain to myself and just had to put it up here after the tiny itsy bitsy rant I had in the last post.
As I was sitting here this morning I got a phone call from a neighbor to go outside and help him with something.
I went outside to see my friend and neighbor who has requested to remain anonymous, fearing reprisals of laughter and humiliation, standing next to his car in freezing weather holding something in his hand that he was trying to use.
I asked him what he was up to and he said he bought this used mini vacuum from someone so that he could vacuum up the water that accumulated on the rubbers and the carpets of the car from all the snow he has been tracking in but he couldn't figure out how exactly it worked.
He said the guy who sold it to him said all he had to do is turn it on and it would suck up the water from the floor of the car without any problems but every time he tried it, all that happened was the rubber would kind of roll up.

Being the helpful soul that I am, sacrificing the warmth of my house I asked him to let me see the vacuum.
He reached out and handed me the thing and I stood there looking at it and it vaguely looked familiar.
As my hands and eyes passed over every square inch of this suction marvel it dawn on me why it looked so familiar.

I looked at him and asked who sold it to him and he said he bought it online from someone local.
I asked him if he told the guy what he wanted it for and he said no.
He saw mini vacuum and bought it for a whopping fifty bucks.
The more I looked at it, the more a burst of laughter grew within me.

I asked him if there was a picture with it when he scoped out the item on the Internet and he said there was.
I then held the vacuum up in the air and I asked him if any part of the machine looked familiar and he stood there staring at it, struggling with his thoughts but still stood there with a blank look on his face until I leaned in and whispered something to him then lean back again.

I looked into his eyes as my words sank into his head and he placed his thoughts, my words and the machine together then his hand shot out to grab the vacuum but he wasn’t fast enough because I pulled it back out of his reach.

I can understand some people who immigrated here are not as mechanically inclined as many of we are but some things are just plain fucken simple to grasp without any help.
If it looks like a shoe, it’s probably a shoe.
If it looks like a car, it must be a car.
If it looks like a breast pump.
Like this one that he bought. It’s a fucken breast pump, not a fucken car vacuum.
I mean come on, look at the big tit glove on it, how can you not see that?
When is the last time you saw a vacuum with a nozzle that big for cleaning the carpets?
I wonder what’s next a vibrator for making milk shakes.
I can see it now.
Hooter vacuums, they will clean you carpet and feed you babies at the same time.

Have a nice weekend

Walker

41 comments:

Bud said...

There really ought to be some secondary usage for those things besides scamming nitwits.

BikerCandy said...

Man, I don't even have a comment for this one. Bwa ha ha

Scarlet said...

It's not as bad as what I thought he accidentally bought!
(think penis pump ...)

Still .... can't really mistake THAT!

Aleta said...

I have come to the realization that it's always best to go ladie's room first before reading your blog, otherwise I chance laughing so loud, I pee in my pants (rarely happens, but your posts really are funny).

Thanks for sharing this - hilarious!

Just telling it like it is said...

Yeah that looks vaguely fimilar to me too...
Coarse at one time I used it for a breast pump and then a vacuum;)
Don't cha just love gagits that have duel purposes

Megan said...

Snort!

Boxer said...

bwahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahha


*takes a rest**

bwahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahhahahaahah

I'm glad you posted.

Cece said...

I looked at the picture and the first thought that came to mind was, "That looks like a breast pump." Then I read the sentence below the picture and guess what....It was a breast pump. You are a riot!

Peter said...

I can't see why it didn't work Walker, surely a bit of water from a mat shouldn't stop that sucker.

Walker said...

Bud: I hope so because he's going to need to come up with something for it now.
I wonder if his wife could use it?

Walker said...

BikerCandy: Its the goofy things sometimes that just rip your guts out with laughter.

Walker said...

Scarlet: His wife might be using it for some nipple thrills if he doesn't find another use for it but i think at her age it might becaome a tug of war to get her boob back if she tries.

Walker said...

Aleta: I'm happy that you find the post funny but I'm sorry if get you wet sometimes......
What the hell am I saying?

Puss-in-Boots said...

Oh dearrrr, another sucker (excuse the pun) gets caught. Hahahaha, funny post, Walker.

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: Thats what the girl said at the sex shop about the whip with the dildo for a handle

Walker said...

Megan: And you didn't share tisk tisk tisk LOL

Walker said...

Boxer: Some things you just got to share, what can I say :)

Walker said...

Cece: I have never seen one before so it took me awhile but when i saw the measurments on teh side i thought, why do you need to know how much water you suck up from the carpet then the light went on upstairs.

Walker said...

Peter: I think its because the sucktion only works where there is no air seeping through the sides.
I will have to find a boob to try it out on to make sure then get back to you.

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: I was worried some woman might walk by and see us with it and wonder how fucken weird we must be standing out in the cold with a breast pump vacuuming the car.

Romany Angel said...

I totally understand your neighbours need for anonymity. That one will follow him around for the rest of his life. Hilarious Walker. Have a great weekend.

deni said...

ROTFLMAO

OMG, I really thought at first it was a penis pump!

So now I am wondering what your friend is going to do with his newly purchased breast pump.

LOL

Rainbow dreams said...

lol
I'm all for improvisation but that takes some imagination...:)

and am wondering, if that was all the water he was hoping to suck up why wouldn't a towel do?

Have a good weekend, Katie,x

Walker said...

Romany Angel: have not said who it wa but i have been phonibng all the boys and he will hear the story from one of them but they won't know it was him LOL

Walker said...

deni: Hmmmmm what can he use it for.
I bet it would could be used for emptying out and aquariium if he had one that is.
He could try and knock up his 58 year old wife.

Walker said...

Rainbow dreams : There is alot of water in the car as was in mine
We got about 3 feet of snow in a week and my car had a ankle pool in it after the heater melted it

Kathryn Magendie said...

Oh. my. gawd. LAUGHING!!!!!!!!

Heff said...

You know, I think you're on to something with that Vibrator/Milk Shake Maker Combo idea.

Michael Manning said...

Scarlett and I are on the same page! This could be the first episode of "WALKER". Any thoughts yet on hosting a Pay Per View show in Canada? :->

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Sally said...

I see you're back to your old self, Walker! hahahha Toooo funny!!!

Walker said...

Kathryn Magendie: Don't laugh to hard and start an alelanche up on that mountain of yours :)

Walker said...

Heff: Well it would make for some great shakes i think

Walker said...

Michael Manning : I don't know if anyone would pay to watch me but i am sure some might pay to have me executed LOL

Walker said...

Keyword : Hmmmm I would have to check you out first. I don't just let anyone post my smut.

Walker said...

Sally : My self has been old for a while ;)

Monogram Queen said...

Oh dear, that was too funny!

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: I'm happy you thought so :)

nachtwache said...

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Walker said...

nachtwacheI hope it was a good laugh ;)

nachtwache said...

Sure was! Loved it!!