The Mini Car Vac ©

I wasn’t going to post for the weekend but something came up that I couldn’t contain to myself and just had to put it up here after the tiny itsy bitsy rant I had in the last post.
As I was sitting here this morning I got a phone call from a neighbor to go outside and help him with something.
I went outside to see my friend and neighbor who has requested to remain anonymous, fearing reprisals of laughter and humiliation, standing next to his car in freezing weather holding something in his hand that he was trying to use.
I asked him what he was up to and he said he bought this used mini vacuum from someone so that he could vacuum up the water that accumulated on the rubbers and the carpets of the car from all the snow he has been tracking in but he couldn't figure out how exactly it worked.
He said the guy who sold it to him said all he had to do is turn it on and it would suck up the water from the floor of the car without any problems but every time he tried it, all that happened was the rubber would kind of roll up.

Being the helpful soul that I am, sacrificing the warmth of my house I asked him to let me see the vacuum.
He reached out and handed me the thing and I stood there looking at it and it vaguely looked familiar.
As my hands and eyes passed over every square inch of this suction marvel it dawn on me why it looked so familiar.

I looked at him and asked who sold it to him and he said he bought it online from someone local.
I asked him if he told the guy what he wanted it for and he said no.
He saw mini vacuum and bought it for a whopping fifty bucks.
The more I looked at it, the more a burst of laughter grew within me.

I asked him if there was a picture with it when he scoped out the item on the Internet and he said there was.
I then held the vacuum up in the air and I asked him if any part of the machine looked familiar and he stood there staring at it, struggling with his thoughts but still stood there with a blank look on his face until I leaned in and whispered something to him then lean back again.

I looked into his eyes as my words sank into his head and he placed his thoughts, my words and the machine together then his hand shot out to grab the vacuum but he wasn’t fast enough because I pulled it back out of his reach.

I can understand some people who immigrated here are not as mechanically inclined as many of we are but some things are just plain fucken simple to grasp without any help.
If it looks like a shoe, it’s probably a shoe.
If it looks like a car, it must be a car.
If it looks like a breast pump.
Like this one that he bought. It’s a fucken breast pump, not a fucken car vacuum.
I mean come on, look at the big tit glove on it, how can you not see that?
When is the last time you saw a vacuum with a nozzle that big for cleaning the carpets?
I wonder what’s next a vibrator for making milk shakes.
I can see it now.
Hooter vacuums, they will clean you carpet and feed you babies at the same time.

Have a nice weekend

Walker