blue moon (2)

Monday, November 03, 2008

No Mercy ©

It’s good to be me sometimes and I feel like shaking it up some today.


If death by booty was a method of the death penalty for murder there would be less appeals.

IT’S FUCKEN MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isn’t it a great day this particular Monday?
I know most Mondays suck donkey cock but this Monday is special.

Why is it special?

It’s special because the damn election in the States will FINALLY be over tomorrow.
I think right about now most people are ready to just vote for Joe the plumber instead of Obama and McCain to see if he could stop the leaks in the system and while he is doing that maybe we should go out to look for an army of proctologists and see if we can get world un-constipated as a bonus.

For what seems like FOR EVER we have had to endure the elections in the United States and I’m not even an American.
Has really fucked up my TV entertainment time.
The media throughout the world has been watching the battle between four titans of American Politics.

Hillary Clinton
Barach Obama
John McCain

Did you notice I didn’t include Sarah Palin or Joe Biden?
That’s because Biden was picked to show there would be some backbone in the Whitehouse if Obama gets elected and something happens.
Palin was chosen because, well, because she has a pussy and dresses almost as well as Hillary Clinton but Palin did look great in that red leather jacket that cost more than a Buick.
Makes you want to dress up in black leather then bring out the whip to get busy.

I ran a poll among my friends, and came up with these results.

Hillary had a 39% chance of winning the top job even though she is not in the race. You got to remember the boys haven’t been sober since January 1 2000 when they thought the world was going to end.

John McCain got 44%, would have been 25% but most of the guys said he was so short he could probably sneak in a few votes without being noticed.

Barach Obama garnered 49% of the vote but half the boys said they were being sympathetic to the Black dude but wouldn’t vote for a him if there wasn’t the option to shoot the nigger to let the white guy as vice president take over.

90% (One guy is gay and likes Obama’s bumma) said they would vote for the brunette with the big tits on CNN because she could probably solve world hunger.
I know, I know, I tried telling them the boobs were probably fake and she would only be salting up the kids but hey, who am I to argue with a bunch of drunks who are used to sucking on salty nipples most of their lives.
I must add that all the boys voted for more than one person and I think Archie voted twice for the brunette with the tits.

Since this election that has cost me my TV pleasure I have decided to make it my entertainment pleasure for this post.
Mind you it’s cost you people a little more.
More like, ONE BILLION DOLLARS, 650 million by Obama to buy his votes and 200 million by McCain to buy his.
He’s kind of short so they thought they could save some cash and bought the school president campaign package for him instead.

This weekend I watched as they pulled out the big guns and went out there to try and squeeze, hood-winkle, steal or buy any last votes that they could get before tomorrow.
D Day.
D, as in decision.
D, as in democracy
D, as in my favorite cup size.

Tomorrow is Da Day to choose who you want to fuck up you up the ass for the next four fucken years.
Oh you know they are going to, you just want to make sure the one that is has a tiny cock with a lot of KY to make it easier.

The battlefield is ready and the troops are lined up at the sidelines as the four combatants meet on that bridge leading to the Whitehouse.

Will it be the biker from the Village People, McCain with the mean look?

With his virtually unknown sidekick, Sarah The Leathah Palin.

Who promise NOT to be like their current boss?

Or will it be Barach, the Chicken Choker Obama?

With his sidekick, The Big Red One; it was the only picture I didn't have to touch up.

Who promise they, won’t be like Mc Cain’s current boss either.

I think it’s going to be a close race.

To bad the chicken choker didn’t pick Hillary as his running mate would have been fun to see some chick on chick action for a change.
The guys are to chicken to go after her.
I think Hillary would have gone for the hair first.
I would have put a ten spot on Hilary on dry ground but in the mud I would have bet on Palin.
She looks like she's the slippery when wet type.

And what did the current Boss have to say about getting all the blame during the campaign trail?
"Can I roll around in the mud with Hillary and Sarah too"?
There you go folks, the man is going to be unemployed soon and he can still laugh and be the talk of the party.

Politicians are a funny source of material for many comedians in every country around the world like recently a French Canadian comedian decided to have some fun on his radio show and called up Palin pretending he was the French President as a joke.
The funny part was he actually got through to her.
The following conversation is a copy of that.

That's it, I'm calling Halle Berry and tell her I'm the President of Baffin Island.

But seriously, I wish everyone the best of luck tomorrow as they are waiting twelve hours in line for the opportunity to fill in a forteen page ballot to exercise their right to vote on what they believe.
It doesn’t matter who each of you is voting for as long as you get out there and participate in a freedom many people in many countries do not have the opportunity to have.
A voice in how they live.

Before a run off I would like to take some of the pressure off my neighbors to the south by offering to share a little tit bit a friend of mine emailed me the other day about what a politician said in Australia.
Now I didn’t research into it farther than laughing my fucken ass off, little as it is or was but maybe one of my Australian friends can confirm if this is for real or just one hell of a comedy act.

Have a nice day



Fire Byrd said...

Loved the Australian politician..... brill.
And thank you for finding those lovely family pics of the contenders,it's so sweet to see their real natures shinning out!!!

Megan said...

Almost over. I just pray all the stupid machines work and it really is over after tomorrow. I don't know if I could handle another disputed result...

Anonymous said...

I couldn't hear either one of the videos :(
I am so tired of hearing about the gd US and their politics.
Those of us north of the border are bombarded with the US...Everything about them..We know more about their policies and crap then we seem to know about our own country.
Never mind the fact that nobody in the US knows anything about Canada. NOTHING.
I was actually asked if I lived in an igloo,and HOW did you get the internet with those ice walls?????

Celtic Girl

PBS said...

Wow, that is the best commentary of this political race EVER! They should hire you to comment on TV down here.

I've turned off the TV until the election is over, couldn't stand the constant stupid ads.

Lindy said...

OMG! You just barely hit the nail on the head. Imagine living here where thats all anybody can talk about! Every email is either for or against. Its like we don't have a life.I will be so glad when its all over!

A.B. said...

Excellent! If you want to vote, come over.......


when will the madness end...

oh thats right, when i move back to safe and sound b.c. when everything is as it should be....

*longs to be back in canada*

Scarlet said...

I voted for Paco.
But I totally want Palin's outfit!

Happy Erection Day!
(yes, even you 'nucks can get it up today!)

gab said...

I for one am glad its almost over. Thing is neither person running will be good for us. Can we have a queen again? Heaven help us all!!!!

Leah said...

I must second pbs--it's my first time here, and I find your political commentary really excellent! Thanks for a lift!

Teresa said...

If you think you are tired of it, you should be living in a "battleground" state. Good God.

Gypsy said...

Celtic Girl, I totally hear you. I live in Australia and it headlines the news every night. We have always been allies of America and were part of the Coalition of the willing but I bet if I asked almost anyone in America who our Prime Minister is, 9 out of 10 people wouldn't know. YET...we are bombarded hourly with all this election crap and I know more about American politics than I do about my own country. It's insane and I am done with it.

Thankyou Walker for a more light hearted assessment of what is turning into a full on bitch fest. I can't believe how aggressive some of my blogging friends have become and to be honest I feel quite disillusioned. I realise it's important to get all the information needed to make a wise choice but fuck me dead, enough already.

Honey, I am going to read your Halloween story but I am just so busy right now and 7,000 words is a daunting task :)