Dead Zone ©

With all the personal tragedies that have been plaguing this household I decided to sit back and think a little more about death and the aftermath of kicking the bucket.
Hopefully when we all go it’s doing what we love, some of you if lucky will drown in a vat of chocolate and end up in orgasmic heaven.

Having been visited by the grim reaper on two occasions I am a little familiar with what happens when the lights go out.
Some people say when you die there is a bright light and you should walk towards it, now let’s examine that.
Who is the one that said there is a white light and we should walk towards it?
How do we know it’s safe to walk towards the light?
Maybe is a trap and we are walking into a microwave for some other dimensional beings and we are their main food source.
What, it’s possible.

Ok, who has been through the door of light and came back to tell us.
I want to see his interrogation on video and I want blood tests done to see if there is any LSD in his system.
Then I think we should send him back with a video camera to bring us proof.

Some people want to be cremated thinking that their soul will rise to heaven.
Personally I think all they are managing to do is fuck up the ozone layer and if it rains while your smoke is rising to the heavens you might find yourself being pissed all over some nudist colony.
Damn I hope it’s me that’s being pissed down on them.
You can’t get anyone pregnant that way, can you?

What happens if you don’t want to go into the light?
Say I want to just hide there in the dark and scare the protoplasmic shit out of those that are walking towards the light?
I think that would be more fun than ending up as some aliens dinner, don’t you?
Man do I pity the alien that eats Sally Struthers; all that cholesterol will kill him.

Harry Houdini said that if he ever died he would escape from the afterlife and send us a message.
Tell me you didn’t go through the light and become Fettuccini Houdini, Harry?

The ancient Greeks used to believe when you died you went to the either Hades (Hell) or The Elysian fields (Heaven) which where in the same place but in different rooms of the Underworld but were ruled by the same god, Hades.
Oddly hell was named after him but who really wants to argue with the devil especially when this guy could take you from heaven and put you into hell just like that.
They wouldn’t take the Spartans in either place because they were a bunch of bum fuckers so they sent them to Italy, Sicily to be exact.

Now according to Greek myth everyone at some point managed to escape from there, especially Hercules who practically did it every week and if you don’t believe me ask Kevin Sorbo.
Maybe Harry would have been better off being a Greek?

Many native cultures say when a person died they join the sky people.
If there are people living in the sky what happens when they flush their toilets and another thing, a lot of people have died over the thousands of years that have gone by, surely more than are walking on the earth right now so where do you put all of those people?
I mean it’s a problem here on earth with population growth and if heaven and hell are within this worlds realm then it must be crowded in those places.
There should be a capacity.
Maybe if it’s to full the rest of us could just hang around down here until they make a bigger hell and heaven.

Hey maybe they could have time shares.
Two weeks in hell for those who live in heaven and those who are in hell could get two weeks in heaven.
I can see the Heavenites causing all sorts of trouble because they can’t handle their booze and the Hellites burning heaven down because they can’t handle their milk of magnesia.

I don’t know what either place is like because they didn’t want me enough to keep me and threw me back for some reason.
I didn’t see a bright light or a door and when I did wake up there wasn't any angels around just one mean ol fat nurse that was trying to shove something down my throat.
At least I am pretty sure it was a nurse and not an orderly.
Maybe I smelled bad and needed a shower but if I ever go back I just may linger in the shadows and go BOO to a few souls passing by just for the hell of it.

Have a great weekend

Walker